[pokerdirty]

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Here's a SIIMP story...

When I was about 10 or 11 years old I was walking home from school. It was the middle of winter and there'd been freezing rain recently and the roads were covered in ice. I was chatting with a friend of mine as I was walking home, and I was walking backwards so that I'd face him as I'm talking. Suddenly I tripped over a chunk of ice that was sitting on the road, and landed square on my tailbone on *another* chunk of ice -- this one much more pointy. The pain was excruciating. My idiot "friend" just laughed at me and walked home. I managed to hobble home on my own.

Later than night, the pain had gotten to be intolerable. I was getting desperate, so I started looking through the medicine cabinet for something to help the pain. I see some "Absorbine Jr." and see on the label that it "Reduces aches and pains". I figured this was the stuff for me.

In my infinite wisdom I decide to rub some of this onto my tailbone. For those of you who don't know, Absorbine Jr. is a liquid that comes in a soft plastic bottle that has a sponge-like applicator. You rub the sponge on the affected muscle while applying pressure and squeezing the bottle, and the liquid is released onto your skin. Absorbine Jr. is basically pure rubbing alcohol -- if you apply it to an open wound, or get any near your eyes, it stings like hell.

Anyway, I twist my arm around my body, place the bottle next to my tailbone, squeeze the bottle and press down *way too hard* on the applicator. The liquid comes gushing out of the bottle, runs over my tailbone, runs between my ass cheeks, and goes directly into my pooper. It felt like somebody had taken a red hot poker, shoved it in my ass, and then twisted it. Only worse.

I was trying not to scream in pain in the washroom, because I didn't want my parents to force their way in and find me standing there naked, tears running down my cheeks, with Absorbine Jr. in my bum.

I finally got the pain to subside a little by getting up on the bathroom counter, lying face down over the sink with my butt facing the tap. I turned the tap on and gave myself an enema until the pain subsided.

Since that day, my pooper has been strictly an "exit only" orifice.

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A-, only because you probably liked it