[MelchyBeau]

thank you all for your advice. I can't afford a psychiatrist and I don't want drugs. I actually don't have medical insurance anymore. I was diagnosed with ADD, and they have me on adderall. I don't want that pill, nor any other pill.

In college I went to a counceler. I didn't feel any different after going for a year.

I've tried to get a job where all was really required was a HS diploma and the ability to read/write and do simple arithmetic, I was informed I was too qualified. I applied for a few of these positions. Also I asked the temp agencies to get me what they can, they seem to be a bunch of useless fucks. Anyone in San Diego or north county want to give me a job?

As for poker, I am bonus whoring right now. I am not affected by tilt when I am playing .5/1, possibly because the $ amount doesn't affect me too much. I am going to go to a 2+2 homegame saturday, mainly though to meet people.

As for physics. I enjoyed it. As long as my mind was so involved with something such as a difficult problem, I was ok. If I had nothing to challenge me mentally, I would continually devalue myself.

I tried changing my ways before. I was so introverted I decided to join the debate team, in HS I did fairly well. In college after being diagnosed with ADD and with meds/mental awareness of my problem, I became nationally ranked. I have no problem giving speeches or being confrontational. But still, the only time I went to a party is when I felt my friend would be insulted if I didn't go. I became pretty good at pretending to be enjoying myself.

someone suggested goals, but I have no idea what type of goals to set. I would like to try this though.

Melch