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There seems no spot where an intervening god whose "ways we can't understand " would be any comfort at all, sounds more like confusion than comfort.

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I agree and I even think there is an upside to being an atheist in despairing situations. You learn to become stronger and less reliant on some unseen force. It teaches you to look into yourself to find the strength that was already there. Looking outward to god is only comforting in the sense that a child is comforted when told that grandpa isn't dead but sleeping (and he is really dead). If the child goes through life believing that he will feel better but he won't truly overcome his fear.