[dibbs]

This isn't going to be too coherent as it is 5:30 AM and the alcohol and ambien are kicking in, but I think you'll get the gist.


Many of the people I know that I consider to be very intelligent seem to struggle greatly with the conflict of what society wants out of them and what they really want. You seem to be aware of this idea, yet you say "I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months." Financial stability is a great thing, but if in acquiring this you realize you are unhappy it's just not worth it. Not just for poker, but for socially accepted and praised jobs as well. Even if you really nail an interview with a very respectable company, get a great job right out of college, and gain the adknowledgement from the community as a succesful and rich person, are you really a success if you're miserable?

Funny how since around junior year in high school I remember feeling the pressure of figuring out what my occupuation would be. Even in college, some people just don't have a solid idea of what they would want to do with their life, and the pressure that has been applied and building for quite some time may lead them to think there is something wrong with them, that their life may end up a directionless failure. The idea of which lives would be considered failures and which would be considered successes are defintions created by society. Having the balls to realize and stand by what is the best thing for yourself, the individual, I think isn't seen nearly enough.

It should go without saying that people who know what they want to do with their life and quickly find a vocation and path are not weak minded or brainwashed by society. I envy those that know what they want and have no exceptional problem finding it, I wish I had that.

I do agree that surrounding yourself with good friends and family is an incredibly important thing, finding people you really connect with is a rare occurence and once you have it you hold on to it. As for your friend who didn't want to hear what you had to say, doesn't sound like much of a friend, but I don't know them of course, so just a thought.

Just find what makes you happy, a comfortable lifestyle that's good for you and that's it. Some people crave stability, some need to have their backs to the wall and their feet dangling off the edge. Some need to be surrounded by people, others reflecting by themselves on a lake somewhere in seclusion. It's cliche as fck, but life's too short to worry about it, but I know some of us just can't help it.