#1) I am and have been a poker addict for nearly a decade, losing hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars.

#2) It has completely destroyed my life, in various ways and I can not deny this no matter what I try to tell myself

#3) I truly DO and have for a couple years now believe I am a good player when I play the game the way it should be played.

All this being said, I am ready for the flurry of replies telling me 'Once an Adddict Always an Addict' and every other variance of that statement. Basically I am ready for people to tell me what I propose is impossible.

I am not sure I am posting this here for for assurance of what my deepest fears are or if I am posting it because I want to come back 2 years from now showing everyone I have been able to change my habits. I would guess a combination of both.

On to the situation :

My problem, plain and simple is even when I KNOW without a doubt, without any reason to doubt, and with the feeling deep down that I am beat... I will not drop. This is my first problem.

My second problem is I like the RUSH of playing big stake games, I would buy in for $200 I had that I could spare that week.. Buyin at the $1K NL Tables min buyin and either have a good week or bad week.. Eventually losing it all regardless.

I four tabled at party for some time with varying results. If I kept my cool I did well if I let just one bad beat tilt me say good bye to the last week's winnings... and yes, they were steady winnings. I would tell myself I was running bad, and go at it again.

Those are some of my tendancies and tendancies of a tpyical problem gambler. I am also very aware of this.

I am jobless at this point, I have $500 in a poker account somewhere.. The last week over 1500 hands of $1 NL I have made $250 give or take a few dollars. I have played a tight game, made four incredibly horrible plays that cost me a total of $400. I was able to walk away, turn off the computer and come back later to steadily win back those losses. I never dropped below my buyin amount. On the contrary playing six handed my VP$IP figures are horracious, I should not have the winnings I do. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts.

I am trying starting this week (as I consider it the second week) to reduce my VP$IP, and walk away when frustrated as I ahve been, as well as not going up levels.

Couple things I am sure that will come up :

1) Yes I am aware my bankroll is too small
2) Yes I am aware it takes but one mistake again
3) Yes even though I have kept my cool considerably better than before it doesn't mean a damn thing in the long run

Let's start here and I will answer any questions related to the situation; however I do request that no bashing (such as calling me a complete f'ing idiot) occurs in this thread. If you feel that way, please simply tell me I am an addict, I have a gambling problem, and it will never change.

I truly WILL respect your opinion, all the more so if I know you are a player who has played without poker affecting your life in a negative way.

This is what I would like to do;

1) I want to start at the $50 NL level, buying in with $30 every time.

2) Play no more than 4 hour sessions even if I am hot as a fire poker.

3) I also will not play more than 2 tables at any point of time as it dramatically effects my judgement.

4) I will not stray from the $50 NL game even if I see a SUPER JUICY $100 NL Game going on with three TOTAL fish going apeshit.

5) Maintain my mind frame that this is the money my family is going to be eating off of next week and is going to make the hosue payment in a month.

All that being said I want to note, my family will eat and my house payment will be made along with all other bills paid even if I bust out entirely at this site by doing something stupid.

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This is the main question :

Is it possible someone with my mind frame can retrain themselves to realize that earnign a little at a time steadily is better than that big hit. The biggest road block being I am a problem gambler and there is no denying that. Can I become a successful player?

I am on a 1-10 scale, at a 7 or so in the $100 and under category. There are players I thought were the best damn players on the site I am playing at I put absolutely sweet traps on and nailed them hard this week. When I am playing like this my mentality is different. I would far from rate myself above a 7 for multiple reasons beyond the desire to play at larger limits and wreckless calling when I know I am beat. My main actual leak in my game is my extraordinarily high VP$IP figures. And no, I haven't ever in the past decade looked at my game like I have in the last week.

Please be fairly constructive in your replies, I am aware how ridicilous this will sound to the majority of you and I do not need to be told how stupid I am for screwing up my life on gambling, I already know this O.K. ?

Question is, can I make this not about the gambling when I am being treated for every other problem I had that was occuring during that decade. Heavy Drug and Alchohol abuse mainly.. Which of course do not lead to wise financial decisions or wise decisions at the tables.

Fire away -->