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1. why on earth would my hand be folded as last to act when it's checked to me?
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Simple: because doing otherwise would slow the table down for the other players. They're not going to let you take 30 seconds every round until you get reconnected again, and rightly so.
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I guess I don't really know what your point is; you're answering a question I didn't ask. Notice I said it was "river", "HU", "I was disconnected"? Huge difference unless you think it's impossible that software can't recognize which betting round it is. IOW what's the point of folding a disconnected last-to-act hand on an unbet pot HU in the final round? Go ahead and fold my hand for the next round; folding it here is inexplicable.
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And it sounds like you were playing at a table with no disconnect protection (clearly marked "No DP," and you have to click OK to a box telling you there's no DP when you sit down), or that you used up your quota. If you used up your quota, you might consider changing your ISP.
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Actually it shouldn't "sound" like anything since I didn't say one way or the other. But if you desire me to be wrong here then you could also accuse me of doctoring the hh dialog clearly showing a red "x" for the hand I was disconnected during.
Incidentally, I could also say it "sounds" like party has suffered in some way due to its recent (and still sporadic) chronic network troubles of the past 6-7 weeks and will do anything to avoid owning up to their responsibility - not sure what purpose that serves though.
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2. party is insisting there were no connection problems and is refusing to either give me that pot or at least return my bets
Party Poker disconnection policy
You agreed to this when you signed up.
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Saying I agreed to something that doesn't disprove anything I've said seems rather pointless as well. I. WAS. DISCONNECTED. I'm not at all put off if party is now trying to weasel out of their responsibility by trying to deny it.
Are you a party employee or something? Next thing I know you'll be telling me 35 ppl waiting on
every single table is just typical party traffic (like their email support tried to bull.[censored] me with) as opposed to a symptom of their problm(s)...