[Tommy Angelo]

"why do i keep doing this?"

Because you haven't stopped doing it yet.

"will i ever stop doing this?"

Yes.

"or am i a terminal ego case that will always be held back ..."

When you start to think of the held-back feeling as the constant and the other stuff as the fluctuation, then you'll realize that this ...

"by this need to be right even when im so wrong?"

... is nothing but a symptom of your masochism. And then you'll see why the answer to this ...

"can i mark a date in my calendar tommy?"

... is no.

"in ink?"

Not even in pencil.

"do i need some therapy?"

Not yet. You need to practice a little something.

Face the fact that at some moments during battle it will be correct for you to call headsup on the turn and then fold on the river if the flush card comes. It is inevitable that this play will be correct sometimes. But if you struggle with the act of performing this line, as almost everyone does, then all your brilliance and ability are wasted because you didn't bother to practice the act of making the tough shot. Anyone good golfer can hit off the tee. It's from under trees, under pressure, is what really matters.

And I'm not talking about just calling the turn and folding the river. I'm talking smooth. Smooth is important because 1) Keeps you stable and rehearsed 2) Nobody every knows if you folded a pair or a missed draw or what. You do no pretending either which way, and they have no clue. That is if you're smooth everytime. So rehearsal of any kind is worth it for that reason if nothing else.

He bets the turn. You call. He bets the river, you fold. And you follow through. Nothing about the hand at all comes from you by voice or body. I suggest you practice this stuff in the car by taking the time to visualize yourself in the act of folding the river after calling the turn. Then do it ten more times. It's got to be unthinking. It takes courage to make a fold like this based only on the flush card coming. But when it's right, it's right, and you know it. Trouble is, there's no time for courage between the moment his river bet hits the table and yours follows.

The idea is that when you find yourself in a situation where you already decided to call the turn and fold the river if the flush card comes, it no longer matters if that was the right choice. It was the choice you made. And because you practiced the act of calling the turn and folding the river, in itself, like a golf shot, then, when it comes time to apply it in any particular situation, you are physically capable of doing it, whereas, in your current insufficiently rehearsed state, you can't.

As to the reason you can't do it anyway without the training, that goes back to your fuuckupedness which is a whole nuther matter or course. Meanwhile. Use band aids.

Tommy