i know this is as old as me, but i still think it is funny
<font color="green">DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish................49
Adventurous.................Slept with everyone
Athletic..........................No tits
Average looking....................Ugly
Beautiful................................Pathologi cal liar
Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure......................On medication
Feminist........................Fat
Free spirit....................................Junkie
Friendship first..........................Former slut
Fun...................................Annoying
New-Age..............Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned.......................No BJs
Open-minded............................Desperate
Outgoing...................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate....................Sloppy drunk
Professional.........................Bitch
Voluptuous...............Very Fat
Large frame.................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want...
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
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