I find it hard to believe that you are in fact a real person. Is this some drawn out joke you're playing on OOT, or are you really this nutty in real life? It's like you're on a permanent mushroom trip, your train of thought is so wonderfully deranged.
Also, I was curious as to why a smart,rationally-thinking man like your dad would marry a batshit insane fundie (your mom). I guess opposites attract?!?