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It sounds like you're assuming a victim role stance, which isn't surprising given that you think you're powerless over other people and events. Also, you apparently have a problem with dichotomous 'all or nothing' type thinking. For example, you say either you commit suicide or you steal mom's money. I would be pretty miserable too if I believed those were my only two options. Rather, you have a whole host of other options you have discounted. Perhaps you're unaware that you don't have to allow yourself to think and behave in a self-defeating, irrational manner. In fact, people and things do not disturb us, rather we disturb ourselves by believing they CAN disturb us. You act as though you're the innocent victim of a heartless witch (ex-girlfriend) but in reality you've allowed yourself to be exploited.

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Point taken, well put - and probably 100% percent correct.

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Also, if we take your ideology to the extreme all people who are having severe financial problems like bankruptcy should commit suicide. Can't you see how insane this is? I think you should seriously consider seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist (and/or psychiatrist) to work on your absolutist, dichotomous, and generally irrational thinking. You are definately awfulizing and catastrophizing and the obvious result is severe depression. The problem is not what has happened to you, rather your beliefs about what have happened to you. For it's your beliefs and not the original activating event (e.g. going broke) that leads to the cognitive/emotive consequence.



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No offense, but you want to pay the doc bill? I completely hear what you are saying, but I'm already broke with no medical insurance. To see a "cognitive behavioral therapist" takes mucho dinero I'm sure.

I'd love to have a medical professional tell me I'm insane and try to help, unfortunately in our [censored] up world that takes money. I haven't been to a doc since I was able to be under my family insurance (years ago), and back then all they did was throw me on Prozac and Zoloft - which did basically squat because I have a pretty strong mind to still see through to everything that was bothering me. After all, I'm [censored] depressed, not stupid. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

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If you're mind isn't racing too fast and you're composed enough to read a book I recommend reading anything by Albert Ellis (founder of cognitive therapy, specifically Rational-Emotive Therapy). In particular, try 'How to Stubbornley Refuse to Allow Yourself to Feel Miserable About Anything...YES ANYTHING!' If you can't afford a copy go to your local library or try Amazon.com for used copies.

If you truly feel imminently suicidal you need immediate medical help, beyond what anybody here can offer. I truly hope the best for you and can relate as I take anti-convulsants for mood-disorder (bipolar and Aspergar's). Also, I was $15,000 in the hole due to medical bills. I was extremely depressed but fought my way back over 3 years (it wasn't easy). The fight itself can be rewarding in and of itself. That being said, get thy butt to the hospital if you feel out of control or suicidal.



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No offense, but I don't see going to a hospital and being strapped to a chair and termed "insane" as particularly helpful to my situation. Yes, I probably could go read a book, and I know lots of places to steal excellent literature online. (And, for the authors of this website, let me tell you - I've *NEVER* seen a pirate 2+2 book in existence, which with the explosion of the poker boom, is very suprising.)

Anyways, reading a book and learning why I am [censored] up isn't going to help much. I know why I'm [censored] up. I'm bipolar, diagnosed PTSS after watching my father die a terrible death for 3 years from Agent Orange. (If you don't know what this is, read some Vietnam literature.)

The pills don't help, probably because I have a strong psyche. Obviously, I've wanted to throw it all away for at least a night now, slept it off, came back and got right back on the same tip after I read some of the stupider posts I've seen.

Many have been helpful and supportive. I *really* thank you. I don't really want to kill myself, but I don't want to steal either, especially from my own family. But, the fact of the matter is that once you have relied on this game for a substantial portion of your income, and then you let it go because you have "other" things to lean on (a 2nd income, ala fiancee), and then realize once those "other" things are gone that the only way you can get back to "normal" is to get money - you'll trip out just like I am.

Anyways, while I'm posting tonight I don't have a gun in my hands, just my keyboard. I owe it to all of the kind posters that have responded either publically or privately to stay the course at least one more night and try to figure out something to help myself, even if its just telling everyone to [censored] off and moving to Kamchatka and playing RISK with Ethiopians for several years.