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Your life probably sucks right now, and I know exactly what it's like to be unbearable, but I can't see how you are in a position where suicide is the best option.

I know exactly what you are going through. For very different reasons, I was very close to ending my life a couple of times back in 7th grade. Looking back, I am unbelievably fortunate that I decided not to end things. My life is amazing now, and it's absurd to me when I think about how close I was to ending it all.

Maybe the next week of your life will suck. Maybe the next month will suck. Maybe the next year will suck. Maybe the next couple of years will suck. Maybe.

If you end your life, that's it for your existence on earth. You will be no more. All that joy that you could have experienced in the rest of your life will no longer have a chance. Maybe you will fall in love. Maybe you will have kids. Maybe you will find some meaning for your life. There is no maybe if you end it all tonight.

Through my depression, my biggest regret was not talking to anyone. I had a few real close friends, and my parents were very loving and supportive, but I was always too afraid to bring it up with them. There was a lot they could have done to help, from emotional support to doctors to drugs. I never gave them a chance to help out, and I almost screwed things up for myself by doing that. I am just very fortunate to be here today despite my stupid actions (or lack there of) in the past. I hope that you will make the right decision, and you will be here too, for decisions other than luck.

Stealing and poker are probably not the answers for you. Talk to your mom. Talk to your other family / friends. See what they recommend. There are always other options. They're not always fun, especially at the start, but they are options none the less.

-Don't do it
-Justin Bonomo

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I'm just at a loss, man. I hear your voice, and as long as I've lurked here I have a *great* idea of your success.

I used to be successful too, but not to your degree. Now it's like everything that can come down, IS. I lost my father at 12 to Agent Orange (he served 3 tours in Nam). I'm diagnosed PTSS, bipolar. I should have never started in the game in the first place, but it and a job paid the bills for a long time. I paid off school for my ex, her car, my car, etc, etc, etc. I could bore you with the details, but I won't. It basically came down to the endless flood of money ran out, and when it did she was only too happy to leave, and leave all the bills and other trauma on my lap because it was nearly all in my name.

I just want my life back, man. I gave it up for a woman who i thought would be the one to - as you say - "get married, have kids", type deal. I never thought about her leaving and doing me like this.

I appreciate all of these responses, even the ones meant to pick fun at me for being such an idiotic little bitch. I actually unloaded the gun and put on the safety if it means anything to anyone here.

I realize I'd be taking a cowards way out. But what's worse, knowing that everything will get worse if you do nothing but what you're doing (working hard), or stealing once and possibly getting quite back to a sense of normalcy?

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Oh, and the other person who claimed I should "sleep off the drink" - I haven't had a drink in nearly 6 months. I tried to quit because my ex had an alcohol problem, so I was going to quit for her. I quit, she didn't, we split - and now here we are.

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I thank you very much, Justin. Through my time lurking here I've become a great fan of not only your play, but your idiosyncratic posts as well, and it means a lot that someone of your stature would send a post on such a dumb subject as this. I didn't know your situation was that tough before you made it.