Thanks for your thoughts. In retrospect, I agree that the flop is the time to make my move. I am quite confident that he does not have an A, as I think a good A re-raises pre-flop and a bad A check-raises the flop. Basically I think he leads with any two other than an A on this flop, which means that even if I'm ahead he likely has overcards and I should define my hand now. When I called, my thinking was that he would let me know where I stood on the turn.

I chose to raise the turn because it makes it less likely he has a 9, and if he has a J, this is a terrible card for him. I also believe that a raise here should allow me to get a free showdown on the river.

When he leads out the river, I think he's rivered me. My guess is that he's got KQ and is begging me to call with any pair, or he hit the T (because he had a hand like QT) and is making a blocking bet. My thinking was that he would lay down anything worse than a pair of Jacks on the river. Unfortunately, he called with 87 for a rivered straight.

Anyway, that's all largely irrelevant. I think the key points here are the "It's okay to let go of a pot" attitude and the flop raise. Thanks again for your advice.