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What about Permanent Markers?

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"... but the black one always smelled like an [censored], didn't it? You grab the black one, *sniff* 'What is THAT?' *sniff* 'That's a bag of asses!' *sniff* 'I'm keeping this one. This one's mine.' *sniff* 'I just saw Jesus' eyes. This marker has shown me Jesus' eyes.' *sniff* 'I'm gonna puke blood. WHAT ARE YOU?!'"

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What is this from? It sounds like something David Cross would say, but I don't know who it is...

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Dane Cook