The younger crowd here might get a kick out of this.. my friend Ashley and I collaborated to make this list on how to be an MTV-watching emo kid:

1. Your outfit must consist of all black. You also have to wear little cut-out gloves, and eighteen braceletes on either arm, even though it weighs your scrawny little wrists down. Tell people the bracelets cover your cut marks. If you need clothing assistance, just buy<font color="green">* </font> everything at Hot Topic.

Shopping list for boys: Quality flat iron for your hair, the tightest chick pants you can spill over the top of, black Pumas, shirts of bands that only 30 people have heard of (size YL) and at least two facial piercings. Also, black hair dye, and a bleach kit for that chic chunk of white in the back.

Shopping list for girls: The biggest pants you can use a big giant belt to help fit into, black shirts of bands that you're pretty sure other people listen to, the aforementioned braceletes and jewelry, dye (black or dark red), and no hair conditioner. You can either wear too much makeup or not enough, it's your choice.

<font color="green">*Note: Have your rich parents buy it for you.</font>


2. Spend a lot of your time on the computer at home. Break off the "shift" and the "caps lock" keys on your computer. You CANNOT use them, under ANY circumstances.


3. Take as many pictures of yourself as possible. Never smile in them. Try to look like you've just been raped. Girls, be sure to have the "stock emo picture" of yourself - that is, where you're half sitting/half laying by a door in the corner, with a very short black dress on, with no makeup, with your legs barely crossed. If you're a boy, be sure to look like you're trying REALLY hard to look like you're not trying to look like anything.


4. Listen to emo music as much as possible. Just google search "emo bands", and listen to whatever pops up. Tell other people that you listen to them. Examples include Fugazi, Dashboard Confessional, The Get Up Kids, and Saves the Day. If someone catches you, and asks you what songs you like by those artists, you can do one of two things:

-a- Tell them you like "all of them, the individual songs aren't important"
-b- Make up an emo-sounding song title, like "Rainy Days." If they tell you they haven't heard of it, tell them it's a B-side.


5. Think of the saddest thing in your life. Got it in your head? Now NEVER FORGET IT. Always look like you're on the verge of tears. But never tell anyone the real reason why you're sad. The only correct reasons to be sad while emo are ranked in the following order:

-bronze medal- I'm sad because the world is dark and cold.
-silver medal- I'm sad because this girl broke up with me and doesn't like me anymore.
-gold medal- I'm sad because this girl that I've never talked to doesn't know who I am.


6. Never compliment yourself. Tell everyone you're ugly all the time, even though you spend hours getting your hair elegantly disheveled. Fish for compliments as often as possible. The prettier you are, the uglier you have to say you are. It's like the movie "She's All That." You know what I'm talking about? NO, you DON'T. You don't watch that kind of movie, emo kid. You only watch DONNIE DARKO. "It really spoke to me." Shut the [censored] up, no it did not. You watched it on a Tuesday night with your high school friends and didn't know what the hell happened when it ended. But someone said "That was intense" and you jumped on the bandwagon.


7. Guys must like girls who dress emo. It is important to say a girl is very pretty, even though you have no idea what she looks like because of the spiky black hair and dark makeup covering her face. Say you love her personality even though she doesn't show it. Girls must like hot guys who go to clubs and bars, but not tell anyone.


8. This is very important. ALWAYS refer to yourself as an emo kid. You have to constantly remind people of the label you've bestowed upon yourself. For example:

McDonald's employee) "Can I take your order?"
You) Do you have anything for emokids like me?"

NEVER LET PEOPLE FORGET YOUR LABEL, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN LIFE!