Re: rehashing an old one...
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your last Dr. Dom column i think applies to me and i dont want to drag it up to ask one question: since girls and guys can't ever by "friends," does that fact, where accepted coupled with absolutely no expectations of intimacy (physical) actually lead to an equilibrium we can classify as friendship? and what are your thoughts on sleeping arrangements in that case.
case in point. i have 1 girl that is a friend. ive told her i love her and meant it. but not the "in love" kind of love. the love i have for my brother. we did meet when i was attracted to her though and she had a guy at the time i didn't know about so we became what you would call acquaintances. we hooked up once and after that never again. we'd hang out all the time and then i had a serious gf in NY and she was always there for me etc...after a previous girlfriend broke my heart i became obsessed with controlling the one thing i could (in my mind), my appearence. so i worked out all the time cardio running etc. and didn't eat much. none of my friends said anything to me. they just said, "oh, you look great." i weighed 128lbs at my lightest and still thought i was kinda fat, thus imperfect, thus need to continue.
in short, i became mildly anorexic. roxy was the ONLY person who did something about it. she came over every night and made me lasagna or baked ziti and made me eat it. she got me better. i will never forget that and i know i can trust her forever. we've been through a lot of breakups and sex issues and problems together. one night before i left dc, we were about to go to sleep and she started intimating subtly that she wanted to have sex. i similarly subtly told her its not a good idea. since then i went to visit her in december 2004 and we had a great time and she had a bf that was a bit clingy and "gay" and "dorky" but an overall nice guy. we talk on the phone regularly and will definately always be friends...
but...i bring this up now b/c im going to philly next week on tuesday to spend a week with her (not only do i miss her and want to hang out with her, but she's going through a rough spot, or has been for a long time and im going to be there for her. she has to testify the day before i arrive against her ex boyfriend re: assault, rape, battery, theft, grand theft etc....28 counts...she's liek the star witness)
nothing is going to happen physically and i dont expect anything nor want anything besides the fact i have a lovely gf. what is your opinion of sleeping arrangements? im now 25. if i still sleep in the same bed w/ a friend thats a girl, i dunno...seems college-ish...
when we hung out all the time in college, she'd come over (even when i had a gf or she had a bf), we'd smoke, chill out and end up sleeping in the same bed. now though i feel that it may be innapropriate but i can't wrap my mind about why i feel this way now, whereas it was perfectly fine before. i love her as a friend and trust her completely. but for some reason, now i feel that i may have to say to her "i think i'll sleep on the couch" or whatever else is available (assuming some alternative exists).
sorry to hijack your excellent post #2 and rehash an old issue but its coming up so i wanted to get your opinion on it.
thanks. and again, sorry for the temp hijack.
Barron
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well, I'll answer your question in the easiest way possible:
no, you shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed with your friend. Why not? Because you have a girlfriend and it wouldn't be appropriate. Plus, it'd be disprespectful to her.
And yes, that's the same answer even if you and your friend never even THINK of having sex together. Doersn't matter.
Would you feel comfortable if your gf went away for a week - not only to see a guy "friend," but sleep in the guy's same bed??
Of course not. So don't ask your gf to understand you doing so.
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