[MrDannimal]

Disclaimer: I don't know if he was really a NL player "slumming", and I don't care. Sure seemed like it, but the pen-fifteen deserves this either way.

Sir,

Some friendly tips should you choose to keep donating to the 5/10 game:

- Bets before the flop and on the flop are always $5 and raises are always in increments of $5. On the turn and river, it's $10. At no time can you be the first to bet $15, and at no time may you raise from $5 to $20. Not in the first hour at the table, and not 7 hours later.

- The action always moves the same direction. With the exception of the button/blinds area, you can always know it's your turn to act when the two people on your right have just acted. There is no need to wonder aloud after a 30 second blank stare if it's on you.

- If your pre-flop decision chart looks like this: "If it's 1 or 2 bets to me, call 98% of the time", you really shouldn't be taking 30-45 seconds to decide what to do.

- Please make a token effort to remember what two cards you have. They do not change during the hand, so there really shouldn't be a need to re-check them every round. Perhaps you have both a terrible memory AND bad eyesight, and cannot tell or remember what the cards are. If you are both stupid AND blind, forgive my anger.

- I realize you're not paying time, but that's not really an excuse to try to drag the game down to 15-20 hands/hr. As much as you might enjoy speechifying and taking 60 seconds to fold on the river for 1 BB in a 25 BB pot, they won't let me wear headphones at the table.

- If you bet the river and are called, you are required to show your hand first. If you admit this is the rule, but insist on waiting until either the other player shows he has picked off your bluff OR for the dealer to realize you're being a jerk and ask you to show, stab yourself in the thigh.

- Your mirrorshades do not allow you to peer into someone's soul, no matter what the ad on the back of the Archie comic said.

- Staring at other players will not help you, because you don't have any idea what you're looking for. You just know staring is cool on TV.

Just trying to help.

Smooches,

A fellow player.

P.S. As frustrating as you are, I still love you. I love that you suck out and amass chips that you then donate to me. It makes the times you suckout on me less painful because I instead watch your stack rise and fall (but mostly fall) like Dolly Parton's breast.