I am 18 years old and a freshman in college. I started playing poker when I was 16 (illegally, on partypoker). I initially deposited $200 that I had saved up as a busboy and lost it all, but then a few months later I deposited $50 and ran that up close to $2,500. I cashed out $1,600, bought a cheap old used car, and lost the rest. Since then, I haven't really won significant consistent money. I typically buy in, double/triple that buy in, cash out either the initial buy-in or less, and then lose it all.

I've noticed that there is a big difference in my mindset when I first cash in. I tend to be optimistic and plan to play every hand as well as I am able to. In this mindset, I usually win very quickly and very consistently.

The problem comes after this. I start to envision a $1000+ cashout again and move up to bigger levels and play noticeably worse. I tend to lose a big pot or two on a bad beat or bad read, and then start tilting. I want to get back to the peak I was at and do everything I can to get there, which usually results in me losing all my money.

After keeping track of my records, I've noticed this type of pattern even within my sessions. After a nice session, I often play in some absurd turbo or move up a level and lose back a significant portion of what I've just made.

I've considered quitting poker overall, because it consumes so much of my thought, makes me cranky, keeps me cooped up in my dorm, and has been a losing venue over the past year or so.

But I can't bear to stop playing. I know I am a very strong player when I am focused. I don't have this tilting problem when I play live, and of the 50+ games I've played live, I've come out short three times. Three.

I make all my money playing poker, and lose most of that money playing online poker. I know I can beat just about any game I'm in, but I have to be in the right mindset. I am consciously aware of it at the time, too. If I am off my game, I'll know it, but be so compelled to play that I'll be unable to help myself.

I don't know what to do here. I need to play poker to make money, but I have a serious problem here. There's no way I'm bussing tables again.