If you tip me I will be very greatful and do everything in my power to make your stay at my table as pleasurable as possible.

If you do not tip me, I will do the exact opposite.
Although, i would like to yell out "STIFF ON TABLE 2" which would then prompt the waitress to stop serving you, the floor to make calls against you, and every dealer that sits down after me to zing a silver right into you eye. that is unfortunatly not a house rule.

however, for the rest of the night, I will make you reach for your cards. I will definatly not remind you the waitress is taking orders if you are not paying attention. I will not sell you chips, i will call for player's cehques and make you play behind. I will accidently expose your hand when you fold to a reraise on the river. if you ask for a deck change, you will probably have to ask several times before I "Remember" If you ask to see a called hand it will be mucked before I hear you ask. If you are in a big hand and are "thinking" about pot odds or trying to replay your opponents betting pattern in your head or are trying to get a read on a guy or whatever I will distract you as much as possible.

you will bitch and complain, you might evern tell on me to the floor. but it will not effect me in any way. I will keep my job and I will continue to bring in 60K+ a year only working 3 or 4 days a week.

so I say f.uck you stiff, keep your tip you have actually just made my night more enjoyable becasue now that you have become the target of my revenge, that breaks up the monotony.