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This isn't going to be too coherent as it is 5:30 AM and the alcohol and ambien are kicking in, but I think you'll get the gist.


Many of the people I know that I consider to be very intelligent seem to struggle greatly with the conflict of what society wants out of them and what they really want. You seem to be aware of this idea, yet you say "I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months." Financial stability is a great thing, but if in acquiring this you realize you are unhappy it's just not worth it. Not just for poker, but for socially accepted and praised jobs as well. Even if you really nail an interview with a very respectable company, get a great job right out of college, and gain the adknowledgement from the community as a succesful and rich person, are you really a success if you're miserable?

Funny how since around junior year in high school I remember feeling the pressure of figuring out what my occupuation would be. Even in college, some people just don't have a solid idea of what they would want to do with their life, and the pressure that has been applied and building for quite some time may lead them to think there is something wrong with them, that their life may end up a directionless failure. The idea of which lives would be considered failures and which would be considered successes are defintions created by society. Having the balls to realize and stand by what is the best thing for yourself, the individual, I think isn't seen nearly enough.

It should go without saying that people who know what they want to do with their life and quickly find a vocation and path are not weak minded or brainwashed by society. I envy those that know what they want and have no exceptional problem finding it, I wish I had that.

I do agree that surrounding yourself with good friends and family is an incredibly important thing, finding people you really connect with is a rare occurence and once you have it you hold on to it. As for your friend who didn't want to hear what you had to say, doesn't sound like much of a friend, but I don't know them of course, so just a thought.

Just find what makes you happy, a comfortable lifestyle that's good for you and that's it. Some people crave stability, some need to have their backs to the wall and their feet dangling off the edge. Some need to be surrounded by people, others reflecting by themselves on a lake somewhere in seclusion. It's cliche as fck, but life's too short to worry about it, but I know some of us just can't help it.

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I think you are dead on with a lot of the things you wrote here. I think there is a ton of pressure on college students to get a solid job and start making money right away. I am finding this is compounded by friends who got high paying jobs and quietly let it slip how much they make. However, very few poeple I know who have recently graduated feel content with their lives, and even those with high paying jobs are constantly trying to improve...constantly trying to reach some invisiable standard set by American society.

Last summer I went with a group of friends to the Greek Islands for a week and a half. I was studying in Italy at the time, and I was already seeing the vast differences in European life vs. American life. So anyways, for a few days we are on the island of Santorini, staying in a hotel right on the beach. The owner of the hotel (which was rather small, fifteen rooms), got up everyday and worked in his garden. Then he ate lunch, went to the ferry to pick up more people, and spent the afternoon back in the garden. He was the happiest man I'd ever seen. All day, worked in his garden and seemed not to have a care in the world. I think it's easy to get caught up on what we should have or what advertisements and commercials tell us we want, opposed to what we need.

Where I said "I was making enough not to be depressed" was a pretty shitty description on my part of what I meant to say. I should have edited this better before I wrote it. What I meant was, I am extremely happy in my choice to take a few months to play poker. It was given me the flexability to relax for a few months without the pressures of school or a stable job. What I am realizing is that while being financially stable is an important stepping stone for any post grad, it should not sole purpose of going through life.

At first I thought "If I can make enough money everything will fall into place." Now I'm thinking, "If I build and maintain my relationships everything will fall into place".

Lastly, I should not of mentioned that side note about the friend who didn't want to hear it. There is tons more to that story that is not related to this post, but she is a great friend and has been for years.

Thanks for your post.

Jon