[sleight]

Jodi Leong (KHNL): Shari Shima has the night off.

Howard Dashefsky (KHNL): Ah, but the weather report rolls on, and we have a special guest in the weather center tonight.

Triumph: Thanks for the throw there, Howard. By the way, you're terrific, you know? You've got talent, and with that haircut, you're really on a rocket to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Okay. So let's see what our satellite is telling us today. Oh, little clouds are coming into the sky! Oh, poor California! You might have a cloud or two! Screw you California!

Okay. Tonight, what is this, evening clouds, and yes, mostly dry and pleasant. Okay. Dry and pleasant, that's an inherent contradiction, isn't it? Hee hee hee! For me it is! You guys know what I'm talking about. Oh yes. And then what have we got?

Oh no! Light winds! Light winds! What will California do! Close the schools! I'm just going to say what everyone else in America is thinking: California - you're a pussy!

Howard, don't worry about the light winds. Hurricane Isabel couldn't mess up your hair.

Okay, here is the five-day forecast. Oh, look at what we've got. Warm... that's interesting news. Humid... that's good for your hair, anchor guy, you can save on Aquanet that day... and then what have we got? We have cloudy? More cloudy? Oh no, it's another cloud! It's armageddon for California! What are we going to do? I can't look! I can't look! California's about to suffer clouds everywhere! This entire state is threatened with three, four days of shade! Oh no! Aaaaaaaugh!

Back to you.