[SpearsBritney]

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2) I'm ugly. not body wise but face wise. I'm the type of guy that girls wont even look at. maybe cuz I'm ugly they'll look but thats it.

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Let me tell you something. Nobody gets more pussy than ugly guys. Looks don't mean [censored]. You need to develop a skill that can earn you some dough. Preferably an enjoyable one. This will bring you confidence, and confidence will make you attractive to the opposite sex. Looks are entirely subjective. Think of all the ugly motherfuckers out there scoopin up all the pussy.

As far as suicide goes, I know exactly how you feel. A few months back I started a thread just like this. And got the same type of responses you did. I was extremely depressed (on and off, probably bi-polar or whatever the hell the medical industry lables it these days to sell you drugs), but have recently been feeling better.

I came to the conclsion that my thoughts of death were a cop-out, and keeping me from my potential. Every time I would think of all the effort I would have to put forth to better myself, I would immediately fall into hopeless despair. It seemed like no matter what I decided I wanted to do with my life, I would instinctively focus on the negatives, and convince myself it wasn't going to be worth the trouble. This was incredibly energy draining, and brought me to the lowest of lows.

Mix in my recent adventure (abduction) into nihilism, and everything seemed so desperatly meaningless. For months I wasted away thinking about nothing but the absurdity of frantically toiling about in the world, trying to achieve status, and aquire possesions, all of which seemed to lead nowhere except to more dissatisfaction. Girls, money, drugs, all of these seemed to carry their equal share of problems and discontent. This "realization" helped spiral me downward into the worst state of mind anyone could possibly imagine. It was hell. I thought about killing myself constantly.

Then one day I realized that there were people in this world that did not feel this way about life. They still had problems. They still had to go through the same [censored] I did. They worked shitty jobs, had screwed up relationships. Some of them even had it worse. ALOT WORSE!

I quickly came to the conclusion that it was all in my head. That even though everyone else appeared to be insane (not realizing how futile their existance was), that I was the one who was sick. And that if they could "fool" themselves into tinking it was worth it, then so could I.

I finally realzed that my thoughts of death were nothing more than a way out. A simple escape from the pain I would feel when thinking about all the effort I would have to exude to change my life. It was almost comforting, as painful as it was. I would just tell myself "Who cares, nothing matters. Why try so hard?", and move onto thoughts of mortality.

I had to stop. I read every "positive attitude" book I could find. And as pointless as my "logical, rational" mind told me it was, I kept going. I slowly began to cultivate a healthier perspective on life, and the thoughts of death soon subsided, as I began to realize that life is entirely what your thoughts make it.

My point is this; nothing short of conciously putting in effort is going change a thing. Stop comforting yourself with suicidal thoughts and make a FIRM decision about what you want to do with your life. And then move forward.

I used to have the mentality that we were all just mindless slaves with no real control over our lives. Then I read a quote (I forget who it was) that said this; "A slave is someone who waits to be rescued". It's so true. If you sit around and do nothing, that's all you will get.

Hope this helps.