[pokerrookie]

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I figure that OOT and the Pshyc forums may both have good input...

My marriage is totally [censored].

I've been married for just under 7 years and have a 2 year old son. My wife has always had somewhat of a bitchy streak, but we had fun together.

Things started getting bad 4 or so years ago. I was in a busy job and put her through school.. while she was at school she ended up hooking up with a dude and having a 1 night afair... we almost got divorced right then, but decided to work through it... things were better for awhile.

We accidently had a kid after that. Things were great as we were working preparing for the baby. They were pretty good right after he was born as well.

But, over the last year and a half, things have become terrible between the two of us. We arguing and fighting, a lot. We haven't had sex in forever.

We started seeing a marriage counselor, and things were getting slightly better... but then, she had a breakdown, was comitted to a mental health hospital for a week and ended up being diagnosed with manic depression. This was a few months ago.

They are working on her meds, but when she lapses, she treats me like crap and constantly blames me for issues that she is failing to take control of in her life. She is fairly abusive in this regard.

I hate it.

It is my understanding that it takes 2 years for someone to get balanced and ajust their behavior after something like this, but I don't know if I can handle it. I also am concerned that after 2 years things won't be any different.

I'm on the edge of requesting a divorce or a separation, but then I think of my son... I live in Washington and am told that even if someone is a hard core drug user, parental rights are split, so he would be with her at least 50% of the time. Things would be fine now, but if as he gets older she treats him like she does me, it will [censored] him up. I feel that even if I made a decision that I should leave for myself, I couldn't do it because I would need to protect him.

There are a few financial matters to consider too though. Suppose I decide to stay for X years just to make sure he is ok.. but then want to get divorced.. I am going to take it in the ass financially. (Alimony is paid for half the number of years you are married... and the longer I am married, the more retirement/savings I am going to have to split)

So, the options I'm considering are:

1) Sticking with therapy and seeing how things work out.
2) Divorce
3) Postnup but continue to work on marriage issues -- split assets now and document in a postnup. Fix the number of years of alimony payment to 3.5 based on my current salary.
4) Postnup like above, but "separate" emotionally and live together to take care of our son. We would be legally married, but woulde effectively be roomates and could do whatever.

Any idea from people who have been through this kind of thing before?

Also, can anyone in Washington state recommend a good family lawyer?

Thanks

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Sorry to hear this and I wish I had some advice. I would say to try and stick it out, but I have no idea what your situation is like. I also know that the "seven year itch" is a typical thing, but your circumstances seem more extreme than this. At any rate, the fact that you are placing your childs well being first means you'll make the right decision. Best of luck to you!