[rory]

What is wrong with feeling jealous?

It is a completely natural feeling to feel jealousy when you think about your significant other being with people. There is no way you are going to stop yourself from feeling jealous thinking about it, so don't bother trying. It is futile and a waste of effort and energy to try to stop feeling things. You do not have any control over your feelings any more than you have control over what you see and hear. When you feel something it is not coming from you. It is just a feeling that is there, which was generated from the sum of your life experiences and brain wiring and random particle collisions and what have you. Just as when you look at something it is not coming from you, it is just a thing that is there. You do not have any control over what you see and what you feel. We just think we should have control over our feelings because we think we are the cause of our feelings, since nobody else can feel them but us. But in reality feelings just happen outside of your control.

The way to approach it that will help you deal with the jealous feelings is to simply feel jealous when you are feeling jealous. Just be jealous. If your girlfriend asks you what is wrong, just tell her you are feeling jealous. It is pretty simple. You can say, "This is going to sound really controlling and stupid, and I know it is just me, but I was wicked jealous when I saw you hanging out with X." A lot of girls will even respond positively, because it is a sign that you care about them enough to get jealous in the first place.

The worst thing you can do is feel ashamed for your feelings and try to hide them from your girlfriend. If you are bumming out because you are feeling jealous, just say so. You are not accusing her or saying anything bad or asking her to change anything, you are just telling her what is going on with you internally. Just feel jealous, understand that the jealous feeling is nobodys fault, not hers, not your own, it is just a thing that is happening. And then tell her what you are feeling, so she knows why you are acting weird.