[Onaflag]

I've often wondered about the greatest inventions, but quite frankly, toasters never entered into any of these thought processes. I admit, though, that any invention whereby its name becomes a common description of failure, is worth wondering about.

For example, I get dealt aces and the board is AAKJK. It would be safe to say that the moron in seat 5 with KK is toast. First, its strange that a guy with quad Ks is a moron, but he lost to something better, so what else could he be? I'm getting off topic here. Back to toast.

Anyway, the poor guy certainly lacks a resemblence to something I'd like to put butter on and eat. There have been times, though, while staring mindlessly at one of the hot waitresses in Vegas, that I've thought about covering her in butter and eating her. Actually, now that I think about it, screw the butter. Not literally, of course, but rather as in simply eliminate the butter and screw her. Not eliminate her by any means, but this time literally if it is possible to screw another human being literally. They'd be awfully dizzy. Whatever.

Back to toast.

Why is it that the greatest inventions have something to do with bread? I never understood this. What's the big friggin deal about sliced bread, anyway? Don't slice it. WTF do I care? And how long do you think it took for sliced bread to become popular? Who marketed it? Say that five times fast.

One thing I often ponder is who was the first moron to discover something. You know, when you were a kid and getting stoned with your buddies (last night for most 2+2ers), didn't someone always come up with some philisophically out of this world question like, "I wonder who the first person was to drink cow milk?"

Then somebody else says, "Yeah, that's sick, man. You'd have to be REALLY stoned to suck on a cow's tit."

Then the dude in the corner, "Yeah, but then he talked somebody else into doing it, too."

First stoner, "And then they put it into bottles and got the whole world to drink it. Now THAT'S weird!"

They all agree and move onto something else. "How about the person that discovered the blowjob?" Probably also the first person to propose to a chick. Probably the first dude to experience divorce, too. Now he's toast.

Yeah, whatever............

Onaflag...........