[DavidL]

Dear friend

Yours sounds like a cry from the heart, and I feel a certain empathy. But I would have to say that, on balance, I'm currently happy with my "lot". Hence I offer you the hope that it is somehow possible to find some kind of happiness amongst the ever-present feelings of anxiety and restlessness.

My experience is that life has gotten easier as I have grown older (I am 43), have come to accept myself, to terms with the turmoil called life that rages on around me, and worry less about what others think about me.

Much of what I'm about to say has already been expressed here. There have been, IMHO, some very good responses. Here are mine:

1. Are you over-analyzing? I endorse what has been said, that by focussing on the "philosophical" at the expense of the "existential", we can end up reducing our world-view to meaninglessness. Everything can be trivialized, if we choose to view it that way. I have not studied philosophy formally, but I have read (and contemplated) enough to satisfy myself, that all "if P then Q" type arguments ultimately resolve themselves into initial premises, assumptions and – eventually – subjective convictions and choices. IMH-and-very-unsophisticated-O, all knowledge begins with experience. I believe that "the heart has reason that reason can not fully grasp"; that I can not fully empathize until I've have experienced something "existentially" myself; that the process of communication somehow dilutes the actual reality of experience. We may seek security in reason and knowledge, and there is nothing wrong with that, but our emotional and intuitive processes are nonetheless real. Analysis may somehow attempt define existential pain, but no amount of analysis will ever "feel", or solve, it.

2. Are your expectations of life too high? Try to find contentment, and pleasure, in simple things. Appreciate the good things that life has to offer. Set your goals and expectations high, but realistically: definitely aim for the impossible, but prepare yourself for the fact that the higher the aim, the more vulnerable we are to underachievement. Accept this possibility.

3. Attempt to forge meaningful relationships, especially with family. Beyond this, try to find like-minded friends, with whom you can really share yourself, and reciprocate empathy and understanding.

4. As was said elsewhere: find something that really interests or motivates you, develop it into a goal, a mission, and then pursue it with passion and commitment. Fill the vacuum that is life with meaningful activity. Try to accept unresolvedness and unfinishedness: if we were already at the ultimate destination, the journey would lose much of its meaning. The end result provides the reflective satisfaction; the journey the exhilaration.

5. As has also been said elsewhere in this thread: many find real meaning in giving to others, in sacrificing their lives so that the less fortunate may benefit: "it is more blessed to give than to receive". Parenthood is perhaps a simple, close-to-home, example of this: unselfishly responding to our children's demands can be exhausting – and exasperating – at times, but ask any dedicated parent whether s/he would rather turn the clock back, and live life childless, and their answer will almost assuredly be "no way"! Evidence that it is by "losing ourselves that we find ourselves".

6. Don't underrate yourself. You are of great value, and have much potential to reach, and influence, the lives of other people.

7. Do your best to maintain a sense of humor. What movie has made you laugh – really laugh – in the past? Watch it over and over. Laughter is a great medicine.

8. I am a Christian, in that I believe in the deity of Jesus, and have accepted Him as my Savior and Lord. However, unlike some of the other posters on this forum, my faith tends more toward an "existential Jesus is my true friend and mentor" foundation, rather than an "iron clad, rigorously philosophical, Bible is an infallible legal treatise" basis. I believe that Jesus condescends to meet all those who approach Him with humility and honesty, and seeks a love-relationship, in marked contrast to a "let's use whatever means are necessary to get him to sign the contract that will save his soul" approach used by many Christians. For me, the former is the Jesus who accepts all-comers, even the unclean, and who says "come unto me all who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest". I won't attempt to proselytize any further here, because I believe that individuals need to search for the answers by themselves, and in their own way, but I do acknowledge that knowing Jesus has somehow enriched my life in a behind-the-scenes way that I (at least, intuitively) don't think any other religious or philosophical outlook could have.

I sincerely hope that you find a way out of your rut. This is probably not much consolation in the fact that most of us have all been there at some point, but I suspect that it is nonetheless true.

Take care
David