[Popinjay]

I don't believe in God. I don't not believe in God. It's just too difficult a question with an answer that is far beyond my grasp. That being said I feel very lost in life right now.

I don't know why I should live and subsequently I don't know how I should live. I feel very indifferent to life at times. Not suicidal but I just really don't care. For example driving home last night I just kept my foot on the gas pedal till I hit 120+. Reason eventually got the best of me and I slowed down.

I've been reading a lot of philosophy in school lately and I really like it. These guys are all great writers with very interesting ideas about life. The problem is I don't know who to believe. Nobody has definitive proof to their arguments and everyone has a different outlook. I really want to be able to believe something but I am not willing to do it blindly.

So where do I go from here? I know I need some sort of meaning to my life, some reason to live. I feel I have the capacity to accomplish great things in my life (just like everyone else). However, I often hamper myself with acts of stupidity -- such as, neglecting to work out when I know I have to, or playing poker like a fool (raising every single hand very big in NL). As it stands now the only thing I can really say about my life is, I don't know.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Has anyone been through something like this and come out successfully on the other side?