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Well in some ways this is what comes with dating a married girl. Seperated or not. There are reasons why people put off getting a divorce, usually emotional ones.

Best bet your ex still had or has an emotional attachment to him that caused her to still want to be friends are talk to him or what not. Most likely there were times when he was being really nice and caring inbetween the times when he was being a phsycho. She may have talked with him during these times.

My advice would be to not date someone who is still legally married but I doubt that is going to happen.

If he calls you or contacts you, do not shy away from talking with him. He wants to assert sometype of dominance over you. Be direct without esculation. Yes you know she is still married and you know that relationship ended for a reason. Yes you spend time with her and it is none of his business. Do not get into some high school level confrontation in which a fight may occur. If he threatens you call the police. If he starts calling tell him to stop, if he doesn't file a complaint for harassment. If he comes to your house...you get the idea. Whatever you do, do not lie to him as that will serve to allow him to continue these games by proving you wrong.