Re: Wierd Scenario
I'd treat it as any "wild game". All pairs, suited connectors down to 65, suited gappers down to 97 or so, AKo, AQo, KTs, Q9s. Everything else go bye-bye. It's strictly value, Dude. Strictly value. Don't go getting all tactical in a game like this or calling with crap thinking you can "outplay" them after the flop. Play hands with solid preflop equity that can stand the heat postflop. The pots are going to be so big that even short-handed, you don't have to get involved with marginal values.
Minimum five-betting requirements are the Big Four: AA, KK, QQ, AKs. Otherwise, call to keep the fish in and give them a chance to reraise on their own, which might give you some useful information. Raising here with weaker hands mostly adds variance without increasing profit, unless there are many players in the pot, and raises have no tactical value whatsoever in this sort of game.
Q: Does the five-bet cap apply when the straddle is on?
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