[Zetack]

These guys started a company where they run tournaments in bars. They've got a bunch of bars signed up and you can now play it a tourney any night of the week. It started in January and its the first public poker in my town ever. Sure its free to enter the final table gets points, at the end of the series of tournaments the points leaders from each bar play a tourney with a WSOP seat as the prize.

For all practical purposes then, nothing to win, nothing to lose---just for fun.

I've never played any live poker.

So my fiance and I walk into the bar...nothing looks like poker--which is odd cause I'd called and they'd confirmed that they had a tourney. Oh--stairs. We walk upstairs. Nothing looks like poker. I ask the upstais bartender--Poker? Over there, she gestures at the other side of the room.

I walk over. No poker tables, nobody doing anything. Um, is there a poker sign up? Turns out there's a sign up sheet laying on a table where three folks are eating, half hidden by somebody's basket of fries. I sign up, I'm the 33 person. I wonder how much room they're gonna have--the space isn't big.

My fiance and I go back the bar side of the room, I'd planned to grab some food at the bar but it's now 7:30 and the thing starts at eight. We order food anyway.

My hamburger comes at 10 till eight and by that time the folding table top poker tables have come out...people are sitting at them. I bolt down my burger and walk over to the tables...there's no obvious organization, nobody seems to be in charge and I see no open spots to play. Apparently the approved method is to grab a place as soon as the tables come out, which I didn't do. Hmm, this isn't going well...

A guy comes around now and hands me a bag of chips. Great--um where do I play? He indicates a corner of one table...oh. No chair and theres a step there, if I kind of squnch over I won't actually have to stand with one foot on the step. I wonder how long I can play standing before I push just so I can go sit down.

Oh, wait they're setting up one more table at the other side of the room. There are only four guys there though. Do I want to play short handed but more comfortably? I do. I put my bag-o-chips behind one of the chip racks and go to steal a bar stool. When I come back my chips have been moved and the guy there is bitching about how I tried to steal his spot. Whatever.

We end up with eight on the table and I have a chair too. That's a good start.

I pull the chips from my bag and ask what the denominations are. I'm told and promptly forget. I'm too embarassed to ask again. I feel like an idiot. Everybody else seems fine.

The play begins. Man I feel like a complete noob, a total git. I have no idea what's going on. There are two decks of cards? Oh, one gets shuffled while the deal is happening. Speeds things up eh? Good thing since we must be getting oh, 8-9 hands per blind level.

I get handed the deck, I start to deal--what? Oh, I'm not supposed to deal I'm just supposed to cut the deck? Oh, right, the button isn't even in front of me. Blinds...um...how many chips again? Who's the action on? What the hell is going on now? Have I ever actuall played the game of poker before?

I push my cards to the muck in the BB. What? I can check? Oh. I pull my cards back. I check, then fold the flop.

I get sevens early and limp in cause I haven't figured out the denominations of chips.

Seriously, it takes me an hour and a half to settle down and figure out whats going on. It doesn't help that they don't turn the bar music down and I can barely hear. And the light sucks in our corner to. My fiance keeps coming over to me and kissing on me though....that's nice. Now if she wouldn't keep commenting on my lack of chips... Meanwhile I have--nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Well folding is easy.

My stack dwindles. The other players start to comment that I haven't won a hand. Won a hand? I've barely played a hand. Finally I get into pushing territory and I haven't even played anything. I push with A-7 and get called by, I don't remember and A-4. I don't remember makes nothing, me and Ace-boy both pair our kickers and I more than triple up. Sweet.

Our table breaks and I move to a table where there's actually light. I suddenly feel much more comfortable. While we're moving I hear an observer talking about pokerstars. Ahh, finally my turf! I ask him what level he plays at stars. Oh, sit and gos mostly he says. A thousand dollars. Holy [censored]! A high roller! Wow, I say. Um...play money he says. Oh.

I actually have enough chips to play now, but there are a couple of really big stacks throwing their weight around and I draw no weapons to play with. Still I last till the final table.

Nine players, eight get points 100 for first, 5 for eighth. We draw cards for the button and I get screwed with the big blind. I say screwed because I had just paid the blind on the other table and because I was down to 1250 chips and the blinds were 200/400 so right away I was gonna lose half my stack.

I get KQ. Some limpers. The SB bets about 4 times my stack. I call and a shorter stack than mine calls. Short stack has I don't remember, Sb has A-10 pairs his ten and its over for me in eighth place.

I got no reads on anybody the entire time. I was doing well to know who the action was on, and dealing at the right times.

I noticed that my hand shook the first hand I played. I noticed that my hand shook the last hand I played. Also the paltry few hands I played in between. My fiance didn't notice though so maybe nobody else did either.


Geez. A no-account, free, pressureless bar tourney with no prize and my hand won't stop shaking when I play. What a clueless Noob.


I can't wait to do it again.

--Zetack