[Mizzles]

Hello

Here is my story and my dilemma, I am looking for comments and advice. This is a very serious issue for me. I am 34 yo male, first began playing hold ‘em when I was 19 in 1989 – at that time 12 sometimes 15 hrs a day. I stopped completely for several years when I went to medical school internationally. The reason I went internationally is because I began playing so much in my first few years of college, began missing all my classes, and basically blew my chances of getting into med school here. Once I left the country, I thought the hold ‘em phase of my life was over.

I eventually returned to the USA after completing med school, and during my residency was married in 2000 to my girlfriend of 11 years. Six months into my marriage, on my vacation month, I discovered online poker. I played sparingly, but it to my surprise it drove my wife crazy. And I mean CRAZY. If I even brought up the subject it would bring instant tears to her eyes. She even threw a vase and smashed it against a wall (she only did anything like that once and this was it) one night when I was playing. She couldn’t breathe one night 4,000 miles across the country when I told her over the phone I had played for an hour. It didn’t matter that I was winning, to her it was “gambling” and she just couldn’t stand it. My side of the argument was that it wasn’t “gambling,” it was a sure thing, a hobby/passtime, a challenge, which had a predictable monitary reward. She obviously didn’t see it in that way.

But for her and to keep my marriage sane, after one month of hell, I let it go; I basically had no choice, she couldn’t take it, and I couldn’t see my 12 year love so upset, even though I didn’t really understand it. So I more or less put hold ‘em aside, but never gave it up completely – playing very rarely when she wasn’t around, etc. (about 5 hours per MONTH). Although I never let her know I still rarely played, I think she kind of had a feeling. And she never quite healed from the early days, that 1 month had been like torture to her. 3 yrs later our marriage ended when she had an affair, and she recited these early happenings as part of the reason.

After the devestating breakup in March 2004, now that I was single, I began playing again, more then ever before and way beyond just playing – I expanded to data mining, add ons, poker tracker, the whole nine yards. I currently average 2.3 BB/hr, which per hour is almost equal to what I make working in the emergency room. And I love it. I love the strategy and the challenge. I love trying to attain my goal of 3.0 bb/hr. I love the data. I love AK suited.

But I will get married again at some point, I’m 34 and don’t want to wait too much longer. So what then? I’m faced with the reality of probably having to give it all up. I really don’t see any way around it at this point. I may have to reach the decision – the decision to finally put it all away for good – and revert to a “normal” life, doctor and wife. I can’t and will not let this get in the way of my marriage again. I don’t see this NOT being a problem in any marriage, at least not in my culture. Even if I wanted to continue playing, and say be up front with the woman, how do you tell someone you’re an ER doc but also play professional poker? To most women (and others) that sounds ridiculous.

One big problem is that for me it’s either all or none. I’m either in or I’m out. I’m either full on or rather not play at all. So I play now full heartedly and I love it, thinking, deciding, and knowing that this is all very likely going to end one day soon.

Any comments are appreciated.