[Blarg]

The first time I masturbated was pretty scary. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. You only grow when you sleep, and I grew six inches(no, not that way) in six months, so I spent a lot of time sleeping when I was about 13. My mom came in one day and woke me out of my afternoon nap to tell me she and my dad knew I was always in my room lately because I was masturbating, and it was okay with them. I had no idea what to say. My folks were very open with sex education and I had had sex-ed books since I was really young. I knew what masturbation was but the thought of actually doing it had somehow never really occurred to me. I mean, I hadn't ever set up a plan or had a goal about it or anything.

I told her she was wrong, but in her mother knows best manner she told me again that it was absolute fact and both she and dad knew it, but that it was okay anyway. God only knows why she told me that. It kind of freaked me out. Well, there was no convincing her otherwise. I was kind of startled and ashamed just because of the accusation, even though it was supposedly "okay" and even though I had never tried it.

So I did try it for the first time later that very day, just out of curiosity. I mean, if I was supposed to be doing it...what the hell was all this fuss about?

Anyway, I was shocked, scared, and delighted at the result, all in the same instant. I gave a huge yelp like a cowboy busting a bronco and was lucky I didn't jackknife out my window or have Mom coming running into the room to find out what was wrong. And, in the cyclical manner of the ending of scary stories....