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Trip Report: Amsterdam!! (NC/VVLong)

Day 1
Arrived ~noon Amsterdam time (1am PST). Friends (S and J) went to sleep at our very classy hotel and I went to hit up the Holland Casino. It was ~3 blocks away from our hotel so I got there in no time and ponied up 3.5 euros to get in (later I would learn our hotel had get in free vouchers….meh). I then discovered that the only poker in the place was a tournament already started. It was cramped but had a good vibe, great beer (when the first drop of sweet, sweet Heineken hit my lips I almost busted a nut, it’s that good in the Netherlands) and overall was high quality. When tables started breaking up, the lowest game they offered was 10/20 limit. With a mere 400 euros in my pocket and trouble withdrawing more $$ from my bank until the next day, I decided to watch a final table of a big tournament instead of getting pwn3d.

Marcel Luske was playing at the final table. I'd seen him play for a couple hours in person at the WSOP earlier this year – Irieguy was on his left. The Flying Dutchman came to the table with a good stack but I didn’t think played all that well, at one point he called down and folded on the river with a strong draw vs. Jan Sorensen (who has like 3 bracelets or something) when he likely should have shoved much earlier. The table was fairly packed full of talent, but of course the 21 year old newb took it down:

Final Table Info

Afterwards I went to an Irish pub with S (J was still jet lag sick) and realized that Guinness is also ridiculously good in Amsterdam. The Shepard’s Pie was also excellent. Then, we had to hit up a coffee shop to spend some quality time with Mary J. We went to ‘Rookies,’ which is aptly named – 4 Brits were at a table next to us and had never even toked before, n00oobz! We got the house special (~$17/gram – there was a menu of like ~6 kinds and ~6 kinds of hash) and blazed it up, cold chillaxin, enjoying the vibe. We talked with the Brits for a while and realized they were addicted to US TV, knowing more about it than we did [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]. Sufficiently hazed up I headed back and slept like no other.

Day 2
J was recovered so we all had breakfast at the hotel (soooo good except for the glasses there are like the size of a double shot or something retarded so you have to get 10 cups of water if you are thirsty). It was raining lightly and quite windy as we headed out to the Rijksmuseum. S and I definitely wanted to get a bit Irie so we could get fully cerebral on that art ‘ish so we looked for a place close by to roll a fatty. Anyway the best place we found happened (as J was quick to point out) to be like right next to an elementary school. Well, that seemed to be even more reason to roll and light up right there so we went into a stairway and S hooked up a very nice J.

At the museum I spent like 3 hours just taking my time with all the cool paintings and stuff…my favorite was one of human bodies quartered and gutted hanging in a city square. There was also some statue of Cupid looking devious that was pretty pimp and a big dollhouse that was craaaaaazy….but a dollhouse…so meh [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img].

J blitzed through the Rijks in like 30mins so S and I went and ate (and toked) and then checked out the Van Gogh Museum on our own. Spent another couple hours at least there, checking out the brush strokes/evolution of his work and the ~dozen hotties who were proliferating around. My two favorite Van Gogh pieces weren’t at the Museum unfortunately but it was still extremely dope to see so many original works and really be able to see how his style progressed. I think my favorite piece they had there was like bright and cheery with pastely coloring and really calming brush strokes. I could have stared at it like all day…definitely after a bad beat.

After we found out J had also seen the Van Gogh museum *and* been over to the RLD (Red Light District) to bang a hooker. His account of it was like a wild caveman possessed with lust…powerful stuff. We went to the RLD and drank several more Heinekens on the way.

RLD Interlude
For people who haven’t been: basically it’s a normally laid out neighborhood like the rest of Amsterdam…nothing remarkable at all, tons of houses/apartments right next to each other and a few canals breaking them into sections. If you’ve been to San Francisco, the housing is *somewhat* like that in terms of building being almost on top of one another.

However, unlike the rest of the city there are red lights on in the windows of many apartments. The main section is next to a church and it’s like 5 small side streets packed straight with red lights. Almost all the batches in this section were hot as balls. Some wearing outfits like nurse or army chick, most just with hot lingerie, some just sweet and sassy but others that glowed with the red light and black lighting. Then on either side of the canals in a 3-block diameter there are many red-lighted windows but generally in clumps of 3-5 and spread out. Many of these chicks are ridiculously hot too but there are some that aren’t. There are 2 or 3 rows of windows in the RLD with completely fat and skanky and repulsive chicks. I tried to avoid these streets like the plague but somehow the routes my friends took us to get to the RLD always passed through them, [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img].

So J got another hooker named Daisy which led to the catch phrase of the trip (every great trip has one – EHOT? Let’s cut the [censored], etc). Apparently she had this little girl voice and right before he was going to ‘do the deed’ she tilted her head a bit, spread her legs and said in her squeaky voice ‘love me now.’ J’s version of it is hilarious….anyway, the trip will go down forever as Amsterdam 2005 – Love Me Now Tour. I was very high and quite drunk at this point opting to look but not touch. S decided since he was getting pussy regularly he was going to keep lookin’ all trip but not partake.

Day 3
Got blazed, walked around the city a ton, went to the torture museum and sex museums. Both were very cool and entertaining. I still can’t get over the old school torture method where they would have a guy sit on a sharp edge with his legs on either side wearing heavy weights. Or the chair that they locked you into where every part of your body would be spiked….a holistic torture if you will. Or the one where they bury you alive with like living animals or something. I also enjoyed the really hot French chick who looked at things at the same time as me (lots of leaning in to read or look at things with our heads an inch or so apart).

The sex museum was pretty sweet too. The only thing I didn’t like was that there was this alcove with a big toy guy in a trench coat who would say ‘pssssssssssst! Over here!’ and then would flash you and laugh maniacally. See, it was quite funny but you could hear the god damned thing in the whole [censored]’ museum. It’s not what I want to hear when I’m deep in metaphysical thought about exactly how some old sex toys were used.

We were near the RLD at that point and hit it up. I was very high and drunk but this time I decided I should engage in some hookery. I told J and S to pick one out. The first one they picked said it was 50 euros for suck *or* [censored] when I went up…which is BS as in terms of value your supposed to get both. Now, if she was gonna have a great attitude I wouldn’t much care but frankly she wasn’t too welcoming and that wasn’t a good sign so I passed. The next one they found was even hotter. She looked a bit like this:

NSFW

She was smiling and gesturing with her finger as I walked up to the window. She had the normal 50 euros for suck and [censored] price line so all was good. She took me upstairs to her room (some you go upstairs, some you go back to a room on the same level, some you get down in the room they windowlight in). So she gets nekkid….I get nekkid….and she gets to the suckin’. It’s good but not great (my sample size is small and I even thought this) and I ask if she could get into it a bit more, or use a different angle or work in some manual action and dirty talk……stuff like that. She flatly refuses. I thought maybe she didn’t understand. Well it become clear quickly she understood and was going to be a mechanical cum dumpster about the whole thing. So I do her from behind doggy style, the only way she’ll let me [censored] her, btw for 50 euros. It’s pretty cool though: I check out the mirror on the wall and burn the image in my brain of me doing a really hot chick. She’s still not into it at all and I ask her to *at least* moan or pretend to moan or at least sigh or breathe heavily or anything really. At this point it just wasn’t that great. She still refused to adapt and I shut down, stopped and said ‘thanks, that’s enough.’ At that moment I felt very vulnerable b/c I’m not sure she has guys sort of ‘turn her down’ like that…weird, but whatever. I put my clothes back on and leave. J is especially pissed I didn’t enjoy myself and he redoubled his efforts to find another hooker for me. But I was spooked and we left.

Day 4
We hit up the Heineken brewery. I had an amazing time there. 10 euros for the tour, 3 Heinekens and a free gift (Heineken glass). There are two movie rooms on the tour where you stood or sat on a moving platform and watched Heineken being brewed from the perspective of the beer or took a trip from the perspective of a delivery man. All very cool. We also captured a 15 second move against a backdrop of Heineken beer. We ‘amsterdanced’ which J and I had been doing for months. It’s basically a random dance that you do when you’re too overwhelmed with the excitement about going to Amsterdam. Then we went to the bar and hung out for a couple hours with a chick named Maria from Australia. Spent at least 4 hours at the brewery and it was great times with great company and even greater beer. I had a lot and was buzzing hard.

Then we walked around, got lost for like 2 hours trying to find the Anne Frank House and ended up just going to the RLD. This time while J is getting’ his rocks off I’m looked for another hooker with a better attitude. S and I were walking on one side of a canal when I was mesmerized by a chick in bright orange (color of Netherlands) wearing glasses. Her whole vibe was quite naughty and she motioned at me *across the canal* as soon as she saw me gawking at her – impressive, [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]. Well, that was it for me and I made haste to her window. Luckily the two groups of guys who went by as I walked over either were turned away or didn’t want any. As soon as she opened her mouth I had a good feeling about her. I immediately felt a carefree, pleasant and enjoyable energy emanate from her. Her name was Sarah and she looked a *lot* like this picture of Salma Hayek but with fake breasts (still soft and warm unlike many) and shorter hair:

SFW

She took me to her room and we were already laughing and talking dirty in a sort of flirty way. We get buck nekkid and I lay by her side naked for a couple minutes with her touching me. Then she gets to part I of the 2 part suck n [censored]. Man it was hot. Her body was so tight yet soft. So when I’m gtg, she’s talking to me dirty and telling me how hot I am and how much she wants me to [censored] her. Well I oblige, sounds like fun, [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]. I go with doggy style by choice this time and she’s moaning and definitely taking some pride in her work. However, I decide that I don’t feel like completing and stop. Not out of disappointment or getting spooked. At the time I thought it could be due to very low sensitivity due to the alcohol and weed. So I lay there with her and we roll around naked just laughing. At one point she says ‘I just want to EAT you! Bite you all over!!’ I’m thinkin’ ship it and she definitely proceeded to rock my world. She worked my ears (which are very sensitive) over something fierce and even whispered [censored] and giggled softly. She was biting everywhere else too, my legs, my shoulders HARD, and my chest and nipples. It was very cool and definitely a turn on. I could tell she was ‘worried’ or something about me not completing…..I’d imagine what happened was very rare for her. But I told her I was having a great time and even extended my visit with another 50 euros. It was pure heaven in every way. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt that alive in the moment in my entire life. After over an hour she kissed me dangerously close to my lips and I kissed her on the neck and I left. I didn’t have the heart to tell J there was no completion, as in his mind it likely could mean I didn’t enjoy myself.

Day 5
We went on a pimp canal ride for an hour and 45 minutes. The weather was quite nice, no rain and some sun. I can’t describe why I liked it so much but I did. Very chill, very engaging and very gangsta.

Then we hit up the Anne Frank House for real this time. Good [censored]. Few hot chicks walkin’ around including one who looked very similar to my ex g/f….which was weird b/c somehow I then think [censored] like ‘it’d be cool if we went here when we were together.’ Whatever. Some kids who were obviously not engaged by the house and whatnot kept asking people where they were from. We told them Disneyland and then they kept asking whether we knew Mickey and Goofy and stuff. The kids asked some other guy who was like mid 30s if he was a virgin…..it was all pretty hilarious especially given the nature of where we were.

Back to the RLD after shopping and whatnot. J was out of funds somehow but I made sure he got his 5th chick. I picked her out for him since it was my $$ and you could tell she had a great attitude. When we walked by she winked at me and held up 1, 2, 3 fingers then motioned to the three of us and put them in her mouth. So yeah, I knew who I wanted to spend my 50 euros on for him.

I went back to Sarah and spent about 45 or 50 minutes with her for 50 euros. I hadn’t drank or smoked beforehand to see if the reason I didn’t feel like completing the night before had to do with sensitivity or not. Well, again the suck and the [censored] was quite cool. I had missionary sex with her and she was totally down with holding my gaze, commenting on how sweet I was and how much she enjoyed things. She also leaned up and bit me, workin’ the moan and sexy talk. Nevertheless, I didn’t feel like I wanted to complete so got off of her and continued to ‘frolic’ around naked. I heard a few crazy stories about customers she had (one of them she kicked out after pouring red bull all over his dick and body so he was completely sticky in his clothes). She said several times ‘I’m such a donkey with you!!’ which at first made no sense to me and then I realized that she meant that with me she laughed a ton like a big ass. I got the genuine sense that wasn’t very common at work for her. We were both laughing freely and a week later I still have marks on my shoulders and chest from where she had to ‘eat me up.’ Very, very good times.


Self reflective insights
So, I learned a ton about myself on this trip. Namely that coming with a woman is a very significant and/or emotional thing for me. I realized that I’ve only done so with exactly one-woman b/c she’s the only one I cared about in any somewhat meaningful way. I have very little interest busting nuts all over hot strangers (not that this was allowed with the hookers)...I can bust my own nut very well already. Apparently, it’s the connecting (even if somewhat superficially) with another human being that I find most enjoyable. As everyone already knows, I love scrippa clubs and love pictures of hot women. I appreciate the aesthetic beauty and my mind is very active with fantasy, and such. I don’t ever get frustrated that I can’t bang them and come all over their faces though and I’m finally realizing why. Even with the limited number of women I’ve been physically intimate with, it’s clear that even if they’re hot and/or cool and/or make me feel comfortable and/or pros at stimulating men, I’m unwilling to ‘give’ that part of myself up. I know this is weird and not a ‘standard line’….but I doubt anyone actually believes I’m anywhere close to normal to begin with, [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img].

Stats for trip
Heinekens: ~60
Guinness’s: ~6
Weed blazed: ~1gram, 2 times daily
Hookers: 2
Hookers purchased for friends: 1
Museums visited: 5
Breweries visited: 1 (Greek Nuts!)
Canal boat trips: 1
Times J yelled out ‘you gotta see this hot phone sex ad!!’ while I was trying to sleep: every night, [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]
Times I was ‘the obnoxious American’: every time, [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
Times I yelled ‘ship it’: at least a dozen
Emails/pms from Skipperboob asking for *exactly* when I got laid: lost count [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]
Times I tried to lock it up with Europeans: 3 times with varying success before I gave up

Yugoslav