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-   -   $2,000,000,000 (http://archives2.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?t=407764)

12-30-2005 02:16 PM

$2,000,000,000
 
What would you do if you had $2,000,000,000 just given to you no strings attached. I don't want to hear [censored] like buy my parents a 4234324 sq ft house or something stupid like that. You will lose cool points for that.

I want funny stuff.

For example:

I'd hire a Mexican Midget Mariachi Band to stand in my foyer in full attire (ponchos, sombrerors) singing "La Cucharacha" and other Mexican Songs. They'd have to sing primarily in Mexican.

Hire people to play real life Halo with me, but they only get to shoot paintballs and I get to shoot blanks at them.

Re-enact Animal Survivor

Re-enact how many five year olds

Etc...

What about you?

gorie 12-30-2005 02:18 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
i'd buy my parents something really nice. like a house maybe.

12-30-2005 02:19 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I'd also start up a company that trained spider monkeys in the art of bringing beer to people on command.

Shajen 12-30-2005 02:19 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I'd hire Michael Buffer to introduce me every time I walked into a room. It wouldn't be just him though. I'd have some lighting folks, a DJ playing some tight-assed beats, strobe lights everywhere, and a cheering section.

That, or 2 chicks at the same time.

swede123 12-30-2005 02:19 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Whenever I get really bad service in any kind of retail/dining/entertainment situation I dream about having unlimited funds so I could purchase the establishment right there and then just so I could fire the moron who screwed me over. That would be fun.

Swede

asofel 12-30-2005 02:19 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
hire Dominic to reshoot the favorite porn scene thread with the good OOTers recast into them...

Rockatansky 12-30-2005 02:19 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I would buy gorie a sense of humor. And a personal trainer.

ETA: I'm with you on the monkey butler idea.

Stuey 12-30-2005 02:20 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
i'd buy my parents something really nice. like a house maybe.

[/ QUOTE ]

She had extra points she didn't want I guess.

Luv2DriveTT 12-30-2005 02:20 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
They'd have to sing primarily in Mexican.

[/ QUOTE ]

ignorance is bliss?

TT [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

asofel 12-30-2005 02:20 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
I'd hire Michael Buffer to introduce me every time I walked into a room. It wouldn't be just him though. I'd have some lighting folks, a DJ playing some tight-assed beats, strobe lights everywhere, and a cheering section.

[/ QUOTE ]

that really cracked me up.

I can see it now, walking into work...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND COMING THROUGH THE DOOR RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW........STIIIIIIIIIIIIILLL HUNGOVER FROM THE WEEEKENNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD.......NOT GOING TO DO A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN THING TOODAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY......"

12-30-2005 02:22 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I'd make a statue of Gorie with enhanced boobs and ass to make her feel better!

12-30-2005 02:22 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
http://www.lambdapsiphi.com/daft/daf...es/dtopen5.jpg

Duh.

Shajen 12-30-2005 02:23 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Oh, Buffer would hate me too.

I'd get up and walk out a room and come back in multiple times just to be a bastard.

Cut him off halfway through: SHUT THE [censored] UP, BUFFER! CHRIST!!

etc, etc...it would rule.

Stuey 12-30-2005 02:24 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
buy all the PT-141 I could get.

shant 12-30-2005 02:24 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I would pay whatever it would take to move the entire operation that tapes the Maury Show into my living room.

SCfuji 12-30-2005 02:24 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
buy canada

gorie 12-30-2005 02:24 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
I would buy gorie a sense of humor. And a personal trainer.

ETA: I'm with you on the monkey butler idea.

[/ QUOTE ]

it sounds to me like you are the one lacking the sense of humor.
and that's not the only thing you're lacking w/ that comment about the personal trainer. but thanks for thinking of me!

Eurotrash 12-30-2005 02:25 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
amongst other things?


naked pictures of Bea Arthur

a football helmet filled with cream cheese.

12-30-2005 02:25 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Also, Id fake my own death, and during the wake, Id have strobe lights, and techno music come on. Then Id raise out of my coffin, like a marionette on strings, and start "dancing". Then Id be all, bitches Im not dead, Im rich, now lets party.

Part of that was stolen from someone/where, cant remember to give cred though.

12-30-2005 02:25 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
They'd have to sing primarily in Mexican.

[/ QUOTE ]

ignorance is bliss?

TT [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Obviously I know it's Spanish TT... I speak it fluently enough to order a burrito at taco bell.

Quiero un taco grande por favor con una limonada!

12-30-2005 02:26 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
amongst other things?


naked pictures of Bea Arthur

a football helmet filled with cream cheese.

[/ QUOTE ]


Airheads was an awesmoe movie.

12-30-2005 02:27 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Oh.. I'd also have servants attached to electrical puppet strings so I could make them dance like actually puppets.

danzasmack 12-30-2005 02:27 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
http://www.lambdapsiphi.com/daft/daf...es/dtopen5.jpg

Duh.

[/ QUOTE ]

Clearly.

Also I'd start my own company. It would have my office and another, as well as a kitchen and a janitor, who would be that guy from royal tennenbaums. I would have a huge file cabinet and get emails every 10 minutes telling me "things are going nuts, we don't know the following:" with a list of [censored] going wrong. I'd open my door and run out to the other office where the 3 guys from the nextel commercial would be and i would live out that commercial.

Also I would buy them lunch every day and over lunch tell them "you guys crack me up"

Then, once i got bored of them I'd kill them and use my big stack of hamiltons to pay off all those invovled.

And finally, I'd become batman.

I think I win.

12-30-2005 02:27 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Dump whatever it took into nanotech/robotic research to build me some kind of super exoskeleton and go fight crime and save hot chicks.

Mainly save hot chicks.

Ray

gorie 12-30-2005 02:27 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
I'd make a statue of Gorie with enhanced boobs and ass to make her feel better!

[/ QUOTE ]
now that i think about it, an enormous gorie statue would make me feel pretty good.

samjjones 12-30-2005 02:27 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Challenge Daryn to a all-or-nothing prop bet to see who has the higher IQ.

12-30-2005 02:30 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Haha become batman is sweet.

I'd hire real life people to pose as statues. That would be hot. I'd also hire a butler named like Rick or Bill and I'd call him Jeeves over and over again and if he protested, I'd have my spider monkey fling poo in his face.

DrSavage 12-30-2005 02:35 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I know the first thing I'm gonna do:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...yer/jordan.jpg

Edit: Oh yeah, two chicks at the same time too obv.

Alobar 12-30-2005 02:36 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I go around finding out how much it really takes for people to do all the stupid things they talk about. Like how much it takes for your average OOTer to suck off another guy, [censored] like that. Cuz everyone has a price for anything you can come up with.

Id also make commercials about whatever I felt like, and run them on network TV all the time.

And Id pay to have photographers follow around paparazzi memebers all day.

id also start my own church

Sponger15SB 12-30-2005 02:37 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I'd stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times, eat a turkey sandwich and have sex all [censored] day. Then I'd dress up like a clown and suprise kids at schools. Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater and then wait....until somebody sat in it. Hear a squish. that's funny to me. Then I'd paint and read and play violin, climb the mountains and sing the songs I like to sing.

Colonel Kataffy 12-30-2005 02:37 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
sharks with laser beams

12-30-2005 02:39 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
I know it's a family guy ref, but I still want it...

Live Theme Music - Hire a band or DJ to folow me around expressing my mood musicly.

Sponger15SB 12-30-2005 02:40 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Seriously, I'd buy a cave and live in it and never come out for fear that everyone I know and loved will turn against me and will try to kill me and steal my money.

I'm super paranoid like that.

Rockatansky 12-30-2005 02:42 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
I know the first thing I'm gonna do:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...yer/jordan.jpg

Edit: Oh yeah, two chicks at the same time too obv.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow. NH

imported_CaseClosed326 12-30-2005 02:45 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Easy solution, kill all your friends and family before they kill you.

12-30-2005 02:46 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
Quiero un taco grande por favor con una limonada!

[/ QUOTE ]

No comprendo.
You didn't put the upside down exclamation point at the beginning of the sentence.

Sponger15SB 12-30-2005 02:47 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
Easy solution, kill all your friends and family before they kill you.

[/ QUOTE ]

omg! this was so simple, why didn't I ever think of it.

Ok first thing I do is kill everyone I know. Then I buy a big house with lots of video games and then one of those fleshlight jack off things and I'll be set for life.

JihadOnTheRiver 12-30-2005 02:47 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Are you saying that you want to see OOT penis?

12-30-2005 02:51 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I know the first thing I'm gonna do:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...yer/jordan.jpg

Edit: Oh yeah, two chicks at the same time too obv.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow. NH

[/ QUOTE ]

is that...?

Ulysses 12-30-2005 02:52 PM

Re: $2,000,000,000
 
Slider,

This reminds me of a guy I knew back in the 80s. He had a rich uncle die and leave him $300 million. But one string was attached. To get the $300 million, he had to spend $30 million in 30 days and have nothing left to show for the money, no assets, nothing! It was a pretty crazy month!


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