Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

Apologies if this has been posted before, but I didn't see it anywhere. It's an email exchange that started in NYC and has been spread nationwide.

The first is the girlfriend's apology for cheating on the guy, and the second is his reply.

[ QUOTE ]
Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.

I am so sorry.
Elizabeth

[/ QUOTE ]


[ QUOTE ]
Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,

Brad

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Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

That is really funny.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

I wonder if he kept the sunglasses for sentimental value.

LMAO NH

ScottieK

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

the best part is when she asks for her sunglasses

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
the best part is when she asks for her sunglasses

[/ QUOTE ]


this was my favorite part, too. they were probably Gucci and she probably wears them with her Uggs.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

thx for sharing...lol.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

He totally should have said something about the sunglasses.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

Joker:

Do you know if there are more messages back and forth? This stuff is pretty awesome.

Swede

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
the best part is when she asks for her sunglasses

[/ QUOTE ]

I think that was the whole intent of the email...

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.


[/ QUOTE ]
brilliant b/c its true. this was greatness.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

What can I say? Brad's a beast.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
What can I say? Brad's ex is a beast.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

clearly she should have used more frowny faces in her e-mail

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

We were talking about this in the office a couple weeks ago. One or two of the guys maintained that the guy should be far more embarrassed than the girl. They said that he was obviously more upset and hurt by the breakup than she was and now everyone knew it, and they even pointed to the sunglasses line as evidence that the girl wasn't hurt and just wanted her sunglasses back.

I said they were crazy, especially because it sounds like the girl was completely in the wrong to begin with, and this letter is total annhilation of her psyche.

There's no way I'm wrong, right?

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

this is why you don't date stupid women.

or maybe it actually is.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

Agreed that she only wanted the glasses. The rest was obviously a front to not make her seem like a whore.

Thanks for the laugh.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
He totally should have said something about the sunglasses.

[/ QUOTE ]

when I finished her email I was hoping he'd go in that direction.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

something I don't get, what did the dude say to this chick that made her want to blow him in the bathroom? that dude must have some serious next level game going.

anyone who has pulled a girl away from her BOYFRIEND to get head in a bathroom of a bar that they're in TOGETHER, please advise.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

DMB

I am also amazed at this, but a whore is a whore after all.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
something I don't get, what did the dude say to this chick that made her want to blow him in the bathroom? that dude must have some serious next level game going.

anyone who has pulled a girl away from her BOYFRIEND to get head in a bathroom of a bar that they're in TOGETHER, please advise.

[/ QUOTE ]

I 2nd that

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
something I don't get, what did the dude say to this chick that made her want to blow him in the bathroom? that dude must have some serious next level game going.

anyone who has pulled a girl away from her BOYFRIEND to get head in a bathroom of a bar that they're in TOGETHER, please advise.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good point. We definitley should be discussing this instead of worrying about a pair of sunglasses.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
something I don't get, what did the dude say to this chick that made her want to blow him in the bathroom? that dude must have some serious next level game going.

anyone who has pulled a girl away from her BOYFRIEND to get head in a bathroom of a bar that they're in TOGETHER, please advise.

[/ QUOTE ]

He probably said "lets go chop a line in the bathroom". This usually works, although I've never done it......

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
something I don't get, what did the dude say to this chick that made her want to blow him in the bathroom? that dude must have some serious next level game going.

anyone who has pulled a girl away from her BOYFRIEND to get head in a bathroom of a bar that they're in TOGETHER, please advise.

[/ QUOTE ]


Yes, perhaps this guy was Lucifer in human form, like Pacino, in The Devil's Advocate .

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes

[/ QUOTE ]
Man, that is a long time; especially when it's going on in a public bathroom.


I wish we had pics of the girl.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

This makes me wish i was gay.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
There's no way I'm wrong, right?

[/ QUOTE ]
no you aren't. he owned her and the fact that he said he would get just get a laugh about the whole situation with the guy she blew in the bathroom just showed that she was a cheap whore and everyone knows it. by reading his email i got the feeling that he felt he was better off and just wanted to cut her down to size and he did just that. once again you are on the money RDH.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
clearly she should have used more frowny faces in her e-mail

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

Somebody posted this in IRC a while back, and I'd swear they knew the guy who wrote it. I may be wrong. Either way- it's pretty damn classic.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

awesome.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
something I don't get, what did the dude say to this chick that made her want to blow him in the bathroom? that dude must have some serious next level game going.

anyone who has pulled a girl away from her BOYFRIEND to get head in a bathroom of a bar that they're in TOGETHER, please advise.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think he was necessarily her bf, based on the following line from his e-mail:

[ QUOTE ]
chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
There's no way I'm wrong, right?

[/ QUOTE ]
no you aren't. he owned her and the fact that he said he would get just get a laugh about the whole situation with the guy she blew in the bathroom just showed that she was a cheap whore and everyone knows it. by reading his email i got the feeling that he felt he was better off and just wanted to cut her down to size and he did just that. once again you are on the money RDH.

[/ QUOTE ]

if I can play devils advocate here:

the fact that after their main points the girl asks for her sunglasses while the guy insults her further lends some weight to the fact that she doesnt care as much about cheating on him as he does about being cheated on, but that was obvious cause he was the one who got cheated on.

however, him pointing out her whorishness to everyone was a definite owning of her, by him

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

you are obviously right DMB but i don't think she really cares to begin with if she is blowing randoms in the bathroom for 45 minutes while her partner patiently waits at the bar.

he realizes this and knows that she is all about herself, so he basically knows that the way to get the knife into that little black heart is to let her know that nobody respects her and everyone knows she is a whore.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

POTD for sure. this is gold

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
you are obviously right DMB but i don't think she really cares to begin with if she is blowing randoms in the bathroom for 45 minutes while her partner patiently waits at the bar.

he realizes this and knows that she is all about herself, so he basically knows that the way to get the knife into that little black heart is to let her know that nobody respects her and everyone knows she is a whore.

[/ QUOTE ]

So is it bad technique if a blow job takes 45 mins or really good form? Shouldn't he shiip one more time before sending the letter?

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

Hilarious man! Thanks.

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

Brad is a co-worker of one of my friends, i thought it was absolutely hilarious

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

Speaking of Devil's Advocate...what are the chances that this email exchange, funny as it is, is a hoax?

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

I still don't even know how she slid the sunglasses in there. I mean the way she can just change tones like that and then go right back to the original. I know she is a whore, but I think I am kind of into her, with or without her big thighs.

craig

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
this is why you don't date But do bang stupid women.

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

Re: Girl cheats, guy pwns her
 

[ QUOTE ]
something I don't get, what did the dude say to this chick that made her want to blow him in the bathroom? that dude must have some serious next level game going.

anyone who has pulled a girl away from her BOYFRIEND to get head in a bathroom of a bar that they're in TOGETHER, please advise.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think it actually requires any game if the girl is enough of a drunken whore.

I know a smoking hot chick who is 100% drunken whore. She's had the same boyfriend for about 6 years now. I know him as well. I wouldn't say we're friends but he's a pretty cool guy.

One night around midnight a couple years ago, she shows up at my house shitfaced. She can drink like a fish and gets pretty out of control when she's drunk. She's trying to kiss me, grope me, etc. I'm telling her repeatedly that it's not going to happen. I get her to settle down and we go sit in front of the TV for a few minutes.

I start asking what the hell she's doing out driving around wasted, especially considering that she lives at least 10 miles from my house. She says, "I didn't come from my house. I came from the bar." There is a bar about a mile down the road from where I live. I ask who she was with at the bar with. She was at the bar with her boyfriend and another couple. I ask where they are. She tells me they are still at the bar. I look out in my driveway. There's her boyfriend's truck. This dirty skank took her boyfriend's keys out of his coat at the bar and left in his truck without telling anyone to come to my house to [censored] me!

I can't think of many circumstances under which I can condone drinking and driving, but I really had no idea what the hell else to do with her at the time. I sent her on her way. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]