Dear Bison: September 2005
 

Y'all know the drill. I am an internet celebrity and many of you are febrile gambling junkies with the life wisdom of fruit flies.

Ask me a question in the form of 'Dear Bison,' and, so long as it is not idiotic, I will do my best to respond with the kind of concentrated insight most often found when waking up soaked in someone else's blood.

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

Dear Bison,

I am standing on Bourbon Street and my knees are wet. What should I do?

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

Dear Bison,

Who's going to win the Super Bowl?

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

Dear Bison,

My mediocrity is very accomplished in many realms, including my poker playing. However I have found that I truly excel at being a drunken tiltmonkey, burning through impressive hunks of cash during allnighter sessions fueled by drugs and alcohol.

Should I quit my gambling to focus on my drinking? Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled everywhichway, and I just don't know what to do. Other times, in moments of clarity, I think my true calling may be to lie in a gutter somewhere and mumble racial epithets at passerbys.

What do you suggest? If I should pursue the latter, do you think I could find a mentor or a coach?

Thank you, you've been so very, very kind.

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

Where is BigSteve?

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

Dear mia,

I like LA's chances this year.

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

Dear Bison,

Why didn't you come to Bay 101 on Sunday?

Wendell

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison,

I am standing on Bourbon Street and my knees are wet. What should I do?

[/ QUOTE ]

Lie down flat on your back and ignore the sensation of water filling your lungs.

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

Dear Bison,

Can you turn back the clock 1 week for me?

Re: Dear Bison: September 2005
 

[ QUOTE ]
Dear mia,

I like LA's chances this year.

[/ QUOTE ]

Eh, they're a little thin on defense.