Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

The 2+2 archives are loaded with extraordinary information. Posters long gone provide analysis that is just as good, and often better, than today's best posters.

There are also strange stories in the archives. One of the strangest is that of a poster named mdlm. I would eventually learn that mdlm was an old aquaintance of mine by the name of Michael de la Maza, a person who has made a small name for himself in the chess world for developing a system to help hobby players improve their play.

In the fall of 2002, Michael started posting on 2+2 with the intention of developing a poker system to become a semi-pro. He provided updates weekly on his progress. Here are the threads he started.

The Newbie Chronicles: The Road to Semi-Pro

2 The Newbie Chronicles: ABC Poker Strategy

3 The Newbie Chronicles: Winning Money, Not Pots

4 The Newbie Chronicles: Genetics and Poker

5 The Newbie Chronicles: Thinking vs. Practicing

6 The Newbie Chronicles: ONe down, three to go

7 The Newbie Chronicles: Jones Is It

8 The Newbie Chronicles: Masque WSOP Champion

9 The Newbie Chronicles: PokerPages Tournament Analysis

10 The Newbie Chronicles: Determining Truth in Poker

11 The Newbie Chronicles: Am I Ahead?

12 The Newbie Chronicles: Internet Promos

13 The Newbie Chronicles: Raising for Information

14 The Newbie Chronicles: Mid-term Quiz

15 The Newbie Chronicles: Three Hands

16 The Newbie Chronicles: Softcore Grifting:- Food

17 The Newbie Chronicles: Going All-In

18 The Newbie Chronicles: JTG51 vs. Jones

19 The Newbie Chronicles: Mason's Favorite Books

20 The Newbie Chronicles: Dynasty+Clarkmeister in Vegas

An interesting side converstaion started in this thread. It's a piece of 2+2 history now:

Ed Miller (to Clarkmeister): I'm currently at a bit of a crossroads... I'm sick of drab, dreary Seattle and my dull software job. I'd love to be able to quit and move to Vegas and just play poker... but I doubt I could make more than $30K/year even if I played long long hours at this point.

21 The Newbie Chronicles: Is Randomness Intrinsically Good?

22 The Newbie Chronicles: Turbo Texas Hold 'Em

23 The Newbie Chronicles: Top Poker's Amazing Aggressiveness

24 The Newbie Chronicles: Quantitative Self-tests

25 The Newbie Chronicles: The Old RGP

26 The Newbie Chronicles: The Fat Lady Sings

As far as I know, Michael never posted on 2+2 again.

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

Hahaha good ol Vehn was even bitter 4 years ago.

I figured he snapped when I started lurking.

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

how the hell did I miss this guy -

Well, I was drinking a lot back then...nevermind.

Very cool - thanks, Dynasty.

RB

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

[ QUOTE ]
Angelina Fekali says that she invented an older brother, Izmet Fekali, because in her country women are not respected. She also says that she traveled with her father to Las Vegas, met David Sklansky, and then fell in love with him. She also says that she met Michael “Abdul” Hall and is “sorry to bring some pain into [his wife’s] life.”

[/ QUOTE ]

From Episode 10

Woah WTF, this is new to me, and brings some new light on the Ljubljana Conspiracy. Did everyone know this?

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

I totally forgot about this guy. Oh man, this was funny stuff.

Clarkmeister responds to mdlm's last post: "LOL, dude quit after never playing." Classic.

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

My best internet sleuthing, evah!!!

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

My god, these posts are so funny. It is astonishing how much time he wastes (seems like several hundred hours, at least) on the silliest, most pointless exercises, and then on top of that, he throws it all away and quits when he doesn't meet some completely arbitrary goal. It's almost tragic, but, anybody who is that stubborn deserves the wasted time.

And that chapter on free food!!! If there is ever a 2+2 forum Hall of Fame, that post has GOT to be in there.

So the guy went on to came up with a 'system' for chess too. Fantastic. I can see it now..


The Foolproof Way to Become a Chess Pro, by mdlm, PHASE ONE:

1. Solve twenty retrograde analysis problems in one calendar month
2. Find three typographical errors or ink smudges in MCO-14
3. Defeat the computer at the lowest difficulty settings in Reversi for Windows
4. Profit!

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

[ QUOTE ]

The Foolproof Way to Become a Chess Pro, by mdlm, PHASE ONE:

1. Solve twenty retrograde analysis problems in one calendar month
2. Find three typographical errors or ink smudges in MCO-14
3. Defeat the computer at the lowest difficulty settings in Reversi for Windows
4. Profit!

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you just read his book, instead?

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/18...CLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

For the impatient, here are a few highlights:

[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] Ouch:

....unless you are one of those bone-heads that automatically checks an obvious best one pair on the river. --Louie Landale

[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] Yeah, right:

Oh good, I was afraid I might be a bonehead --BruceZ

[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] The following quotes are not representative-- it's surprising how many earnest responses he got.

I have to admire your percistancy in ignoring advice from very reputable people. I guess there is some merrit in sticking to a plan, nomatter how [censored] it might be. --Rigolleto

Why is anyone still paying attention to this guy? --Vehn

I will be frank and say that you show a very disappointing lack of understanding of some basic
fundamentals and logic after six months of study. D-. --Ullyses

[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] Who would have guessed?

In person, Dynasty and Clarkmeister are just like they are on 2+2. Dynasty says little and is very blunt. Clarkmeister is more expansive. Both are friendly. --mdlm

[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] In-person instruction for these prices? Is this deal still available?

This past week I spent $10 buying Dynasty a steak. I have spent a total of $476.43 out of my $1000 budget. --mdlm

A $10 steak is called a hamburger.

Give me some credit for ordering a half-decent meal. It was a $19 steak dinner. That's nothing extraordinary but a $19 steak sounds about ten times better than a $10 steak. --Dynasty

Dentist asks if Dynasty and Clarkmeister are legends. Clarkmeister gave a very modest reply. Dynasty
is definitely a member of Sklansky's 500 Club (see Sklansky's essay "Pros Versus Wannabes" in the Essays
section on this site) or at least he was until he decided to hang out with Clarkmeister and play LL poker. Clarkmeister would be a member of the 500 Club if he took poker seriously. --mdlm

[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] Ed counts outs, and he's not happy:

IMO, folding in this situation is a horrible play....

Bottom line, mdlm, is that playing aggressively (here and in other situations) forces your opponents to make a hand or fold. Yes.. you are behind AT... but is AT really going to call you down when you raise preflop, raise the K-high flop, bet the turn, and bet the river? Because the answer is a resounding no for the large majority of opponents... are you really behind here? He will view himself as probably behind to a K... possibly AK... and be counting his outs. And he won't like them.

[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] The tragic ending:

And congratulations to everyone who has beaten poker. It sure is a tough thing to do.

Thanks to all and to all a good night!

--------------------
mdlm, The Newbie

Re: Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles
 

This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas. What makes both so wonderful, is that they are so honestly real. Or at least I believe this guy was real. His story about eating bags of day old cookies while in germany so he could meet a self imposed $50 a month food budget described his personality so perfectly it can't be fiction. Can it?

I lay even odds this fellow is suffering from a severe compulsive personality disorder right now. He's tying his shoelaces three times before he leaves the house and refuses to step on cracks in sidewalks. If you shake his hand, he rushes to the restroom to wash it, but then can't get out again when he realises he's going to have to touch the door knob. Maybe never playing poker was the smart thing for him...