Girlfriend Trouble?
 

So here's the story:

I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 months now.
A month into our relationship, a friend of hers told her that said friend was going to go backpack Europe for 3.5 months next March. She has always wanted to backpack Europe, so she told her friend that she would seriously think about it.

Her friend is a guy.

He's not gay.

They had a long past with eachother. They were both really close friends for a long time, then he did the "I actually really like you and want to be WITH you." She, I guess, got mad and broke off the friendship for a year. They are, obviously, talking again. And now she's seriously considering going to Europe with him.... alone.

She can't talk about it with me, because I get angry about the whole deal and fight with her about it.

She has to make her decision very soon, as class registration is the next week for next semester classes.

She "SWEARS" he doesn't have feelings like that for her anymore, and that she'd never cheat on me if she went, etc. etc. etc...


How would you guys feel about this?

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

bang bitches while she's away

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

Yep...depending on the girl...there are a lot of variables to play with here....but find another girl...its not like you are looking at years but only months.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

this wouldn't happen to me, I can tell you that. 3 months in to a relationship you should tell her you are going to cut your losses and move on if she does this trip. thats too much to be stressed about.

(and obviously, he still wants on her, and he doesn't care about you)

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

Preemptive break-up.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

http://www.gretatop.org/~mmajewski/t...ck_bateman.gif

"Just say 'NO!'"

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

If you're bigger than this backpacking putz, mess him up...kinda like uhhh the cable guy movie...

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

Perfect spot for the threesome.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

I met the guy once, he's a small/nervous type guy.

On top of everything, I don't think I could count on him if something were to happen to both of them in Europe.

_____________________

By the way, she's an amazing girl. I do believe she would never cheat on me. She is the type of girl who is friends with mostly guys, only some girls, and she's too naive to realize that all the guys just want in her pants.

Maybe purposefully naive....


And yes, the guy is single.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

She doesn't want him. Mostly likely nothing will happen. Is he going to try? Yes.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

Muck it and play another hand.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

explain to her that 'friendship' doesn't function like this

if she doesn't get it, dump her

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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I do believe she would never cheat on me.

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No you don't.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

And besides if this does happen...who the hell wants to have all these letters and phone calls about how much i miss you stuff....while u still wonder whether she is getting boinked by all these euro dudes and slick willy.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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I do believe she would never cheat on me.


No you don't.

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Let me rephrase. At this point in time, I 100% know she is not cheating on me, and does not plan on it.

However, I do think there could be a possibility, while she is in Europe for 3.5 months, that she will.


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explain to her that 'friendship' doesn't function like this

[/ QUOTE ]

What is a good line I can say to her about this?

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

Most likely she is'nt going to cheat on you, and you very well may trust her 100% not to do so. But it doesnt matter, this is a [censored] thing to do to somebody if there not ok with it. Break up with her and find somebody else.

edit- You should break up with her even if she decides not to go. She is going to resent you for this if she does'nt get her way so best to move on to somebody who cares about your feelings more.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

People on OOT do offer a lot of good advice as most of us have had similar things happen or know or someone who has....take what you can from all of them.

Ask her what she plans on doing, so you can know. If she gets all upset...something isn't right about that. IF she is going... Take a break and remain friends while she is in europe. See other women...see how great she really is...or not is...

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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while u still wonder whether she is getting boinked by all these euro dudes and slick willy.

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for reals. i'll keep an eye out for her.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

She already rejected this guy once, she obviously doesn't have any romantic feelings for him. I don't see the problem. Besides, if she's going to cheat on you, she can do it just as easily right underneath your nose.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

Let me add a little tid bit more...

I told her that if she waited a couple months, during the summer, I would take her to Europe myself.

I have been there twice, and I know my way around. This other guy friend has not.

She commented that she'd love to go with me, moreso than with him, but she needs to get out of this place as soon as she can, for a bit. She's lived here her whole life.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

VEGAS!!!! its super cheap too

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

Ok then tell her that you two are going and if she doesnt agree and says she is going with him then dump her ass. Its that simple.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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She commented that she'd love to go with me, moreso than with him, but she needs to get out of this place as soon as she can, for a bit. She's lived here her whole life.

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That's the topper for me. If she cannot wait a few more months to go with her boyfriend instead of just a "friend" I think that is a clear sign of her lack of committment to your relationship. Move on as painlessly as possible.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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Move on as painlessly as possible.

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Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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She commented that she'd love to go with me, moreso than with him, but she needs to get out of this place as soon as she can, for a bit. She's lived here her whole life.

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That's the topper for me. If she cannot wait a few more months to go with her boyfriend instead of just a "friend" I think that is a clear sign of her lack of committment to your relationship. Move on as painlessly as possible.

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Exactly.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

three months is not a long time. is she great? if not, then forgetta 'bout it. seriously. 3 months is not even a semester. she would be goin on the trip for longer than you have been seeing each other. that tells me she has less invested in your relationship than she does in her friendship with this guy (who definitely wants to bang her). I mean, would you go on a trip with a chick for 3.5 months that you didn't want to bang if you were a single guy???? what would be the point? you would rather go with another guy so you could find bitches to bang in europe, or you would go with a girl you wanted to bang.

I Concur........
 

That's the topper for me. If she cannot wait a few more months to go with her boyfriend instead of just a "friend" I think that is a clear sign of her lack of committment to your relationship. Move on as painlessly as possible.
************************************************** *****
You need to be a student of the bottom line theory. Ignore all the bull**** that she gives you and pay attention to her actions. Her actions will tell you what her words are not. Most women are cowards when it comes to confronting their men. Rather than be upfront with you they will keep bull****ing you. If she decides to go instead of waiting for you then this is a VERY bad sign. Consider this, are they going to be sharing a room to 'save money' (LOL)? This is not how a loyal woman acts. I'd say your relationship is in trouble. I don't know if she is the problem or if it is you. But I don't like your chances.

The 3 month mark is usually a make-or-break period for relationships. You have been dating her for only 3 months and based on what you said, I think the relationship is over but you just don't know it yet. At this point you have allowed her to toy with your emotions. Stop the pain and make the decison for her. Salvage your pride and DUMP HER without MERCY. Tell her you are not going to date a women who wants to go on a three month trip with another man. PERIOD. END-OF-DISCUSSION. If my analysis is wrong then she will start grovling for you to take her back. If she does not get upset, then I was 100% CORRECT. At least as the dumper, you put yourself in prime position for ex-sex (no strings attached [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] )

If she starts grovling, stick to your message that you are not going to date a woman who wants to go away on a trip with another man. Don't get creative. Just keep saying this to whatever bull**** she says ("the broken record technique"). Try to keep a demeanor of being calm but VERY FIRM. It goes without saying if she quickly accepts the break up then your were toast anyway. At least she will respect you for acting like a man.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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She already rejected this guy once, she obviously doesn't have any romantic feelings for him. I don't see the problem. Besides, if she's going to cheat on you, she can do it just as easily right underneath your nose.

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This is ridiculous. You have to take the environment into consideration. If you put your girlfriend in close confines with a close friend for three months, then add booze, then add the distance factor, there's a lot of potential for her to cheat.

Would you let your girlfriend go on The Real World with a close friend? You see how faithful those people always are.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

I'm normally a pretty understanding guy when it comes to these things. I try to think things through in a rational manner and find the solution that will be best for everyone involved.

but in this case I would say there is no [censored] way she could go backpacking through Europe with this dude and expect me to be waiting at home for her with a thumb up my ass. girls can be so freaking naive. if she wants to be with you, there is no reason for her to even consider this. I'm not saying you should tell her she can't go. just tell her that if she decides to go then it's over. but tell her in a nice way.

why is she even considering this, anyway? that's incredibly disrepectful, even if you've only been going out for three months.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

If my girlfriend (fiance) wanted to go on The Real World I'd have to rethink being her boyfriend.

Maybe it's because I'm older, or because my best friend is female (and we don't have a sexual relationship), but I don't automatically assume anytime my girlfriend spends time with another guy there's a risk they'll somehow have sex. If they do, well, whoops, I'll have to find a new girlfriend. I'd rather find out ASAP that my girlfriend is prone to cheating then put a lot of effort into protecting myself from getting cheated on.

I mean, honestly, if your girlfriend is going to cheat, she's going to cheat. Preventing her from going to europe with her friend isn't going to stop it, it will merely delay it. Are you going to restrict her from seeing her male friend completely? What if they get lunch together and accidentally have sex at his place afterwards?

If you have issues with trusting your girlfriend don't be her boyfriend.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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Perfect spot for the threesome.

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2 dudes 1 girl?!?!?! not perfect!!1

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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2 dudes 1 girl?!?!?! not perfect!!1

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we all agree that it's not as good as man/man, but some people wouldn't be weirded out if she watched.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Let me add a little tid bit more...

I told her that if she waited a couple months, during the summer, I would take her to Europe myself.

I have been there twice, and I know my way around. This other guy friend has not.

She commented that she'd love to go with me, moreso than with him, but she needs to get out of this place as soon as she can, for a bit. She's lived here her whole life.

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, that changes things. Now you *really* need to break up with her. That's a total BS excuse for her to leave earlier, especially when she knows that it is bothering you.

Maybe she *wants* you to break up with her? Sometimes women put us into these types of situations in order for us to be the one to do the break-up. If she broke up with you first, she'd look like a [censored] because it would look like she did it solely in order to travel "unencumbered" through Europe with some other dude. However, if you break up with her, it's a different story.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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Maybe it's because I'm older, or because my best friend is female (and we don't have a sexual relationship), but I don't automatically assume anytime my girlfriend spends time with another guy there's a risk they'll somehow have sex. If they do, well, whoops, I'll have to find a new girlfriend. I'd rather find out ASAP that my girlfriend is prone to cheating then put a lot of effort into protecting myself from getting cheated on.

I mean, honestly, if your girlfriend is going to cheat, she's going to cheat. Preventing her from going to europe with her friend isn't going to stop it, it will merely delay it. Are you going to restrict her from seeing her male friend completely? What if they get lunch together and accidentally have sex at his place afterwards?

If you have issues with trusting your girlfriend don't be her boyfriend.

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I agree with this. A lot of my closest friends are women and there was nothing worse than past girlfriends who get jealous of our friendships. Thankfully, my fiancee is cool about this (perhaps because she has a couple of close male friends herself).

Also, it may be MUCH easier for her to commit to traveling for a few months with someone that she has absolutely no romantic interest in than with someone she really likes but has only been seeing for three months. for many people, agreeing to travel for that long in a relatively new relationship is far too daunting a commitment.

If you like her enough to want to make it work long term and trust her enough then I think you should about coming to terms with the situation. If on the other hand you are not that into her then whatever. A good question to ask yourself might be whether you would still be interested in her if she was going to Europe by herself for three months of college. If you think you would want to stay together even if you couldn't see her for that time, then maybe getting over the (very understandable) distrust you feel in this situation may be the best thing for your longer term happiness.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

I say if you she goes with him say "Bon Voyage"--for good!

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

If you can't leave the girl, it means you got problems, not her.

My advice is that if your crazy about her, flip a coin. If it comes up tails, walk away. If you cant flip a coin, you got problems buddy.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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why is she even considering this, anyway? that's incredibly disrepectful, even if you've only been going out for three months.

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That's what I was wondering. That she announced she was bored and needed to get out of town and wanted to go backpack with a male companion seems totally disrespectful and selfish.

Even if she doesn't intend to cheat does she realize she's causing you pain and worry?

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

I'd very likely be comfortable letting her go. Hell, even if she decides this dude is more up her alley than you...more power to her.

The chances are that she won't and nothing will happen. Also, if she gets plastered and starts hookin' up with random dudes...aren't you glad you figured it out after only 3 months?

You've gotta be less insecure in general about these sorts of scenarios (she does too and by she I don't necessarily mean this chick) to have any hope of acheiving a relationship that you'll want to be in for longer than like 5 years.

Yugoslav

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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She commented that she'd love to go with me, moreso than with him, but she needs to get out of this place as soon as she can, for a bit. She's lived here her whole life.

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That's the topper for me. If she cannot wait a few more months to go with her boyfriend instead of just a "friend" I think that is a clear sign of her lack of committment to your relationship. Move on as painlessly as possible.

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You've only been dating her for three months. You've been more than fair.

If she doesn't get it, dump her and move on.

Re: Girlfriend Trouble?
 

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She "SWEARS" he doesn't have feelings like that for her anymore, and that she'd never cheat on me if she went, etc. etc. etc...


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this is so true and so false. she likely would do nothing with him and IMO has made it very clear that she is not interested in him in that way, but for some reason ALL women are (a) too stupid to realize when a guy is clearly after them or (b) too stubborn to admit it.