Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

What are some good solutions to reccomend for a friend's company. They are looking to outsource the drug testing, I'm not really sure what his options may be?

We are in Maryland

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

[ QUOTE ]
What are some good solutions to reccomend for a friend's company. They are looking to outsource the drug testing, I'm not really sure what his options may be?

We are in Maryland

[/ QUOTE ]

Tell the employees at least 30 days ahead of time that they will be randomly drug tested.

craig

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

Hair samples. Sock it to those damn hopheads.



[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

Warn them in advance, then give raises to those who show up positive. Those guys have the balls, you can manage the brains.

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

I thought of another option. I was recently thinking of opening up a new business. I figure sports betting and poker are going well, so a drug testing company might be nice to add to my portfolio. I would of course like to meet your friend's employees. I will also need samples of all the possible drugs in order to make sure that my new testing method works. But, assure your friend that my methods will revolutionize drug testing.

craig

p.s. I won't need samples of PCP..there is no need to test for that anyways..most users do something too stupid to not know they are on something.

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

I shall offer you some heroin my man.

btw- your cocaine responses are brilliant.

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

as far as the responses go, I'm specifically looking for companies to outsource the actual drug testing to.

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

[ QUOTE ]
I shall offer you some heroin my man.

btw- your cocaine responses are brilliant.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, the heroin might work. I will just have to make sure my new system will detect it well enough. It could take several tests, so I would send a decent sized amount if I were you. My company will reimburse you for the shipping.

Thanks for the compliment by the way. It is a shame that I am only moderately funny when it comes to drugs and not really too funny about anything else. And, as I have learned, drugs are no laughing matter. People get hurt, money is stolen, lies are told, jobs are lost, bosses are carbombed, all your friends leave you, and you end up posting on 2+2 at 11:30 at night. When people ask if it was worth it, I can only answer, "Do you have any coke?" They usually say no and tell me that I can't ask those types of questions at Narcotics Anonymous.

craig

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

[ QUOTE ]
What are some good solutions to reccomend for a friend's company. They are looking to outsource the drug testing, I'm not really sure what his options may be?

We are in Maryland

[/ QUOTE ]

tell your friend to recommend "Maulik's Drug Testing Lab" and collect pee samples. Then, happily inform the boss that all his employees are drug-free and collect your money.

Re: Suggestions for Drug Testing @ Work
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What are some good solutions to reccomend for a friend's company. They are looking to outsource the drug testing, I'm not really sure what his options may be?

We are in Maryland

[/ QUOTE ]

tell your friend to recommend "Maulik's Drug Testing Lab" and collect pee samples. Then, happily inform the boss that all his employees are drug-free and collect your money.

[/ QUOTE ]

You sound like a great friend.

craig