A moral dilemma
 

I've run into an unpleasant dilemma lately:

My parents know how much money I make from poker, I have no secrets from them. A few months ago I gave my mother $3,000 so she can do some remodeling on the house. It was a "loan" but I seriously doubt I'll get the money back any time soon and I don't really care. Now, however, she's asking for another $1,200 for new furniture, and I just bought them a new, relatively expensive TV. So I absolutely HATE saying no because I know I can afford it - the sum won't make that huge of a difference to me - but I'm starting to get troubled by this. Know what I mean? I feel bad saying "no," but I don't like the trend.

So I figured quite a few posters on here have been through this already, and can share their thoughts. How did you handle it? How would you?

Kirk

Re: A moral dilemma
 

give them the money. what you gave them is so far is nothing. and one request is nothing to freak out about. this is coming from a guy who basically forced his parents to take $12k so they can make their mortgage payments.

Re: A moral dilemma
 

Yeah. She went through like 50 bajillion hours of labor to drop your ass out from between her legs. You should probably fork it over.

Re: A moral dilemma
 

I really don't know what kind of relationship you've had with your parents in the past .. but if my mom asked, I'd hand it over with no reserve.

Re: A moral dilemma
 

I'll be the first to differ with the first few responses. I think you at least need to sit down with your folks and have a talk. Obviously there are a million variables at play here, but at least on the surface my gut reaction is to have an honest face to face discussion with them. You certainly don't "owe" your mom new furniture on a monthly basis.

Re: A moral dilemma
 

Hrm..money for remodeling the house, a nice TV, and now furniture? Sounds like these are luxuries, I think you only "owe" them the money if it was for an emergency or something.

Re: A moral dilemma
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'll be the first to differ with the first few responses. I think you at least need to sit down with your folks and have a talk. Obviously there are a million variables at play here, but at least on the surface my gut reaction is to have an honest face to face discussion with them. You certainly don't "owe" your mom new furniture on a monthly basis.

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I agree with this entirely. If you don't have some kind of talk now, you'll have to do it later when it'll be much more awkward. If they needed the money for necessities, I'd be much more generous, but it sounds like they're more than just that.

Re: A moral dilemma
 

Gotta go with Clark on this one. It's really no different than if you had a 9-5 job. Money you earned. Not sure how to put the following. Maybe your parents, or just your mom, view your winnings as some sort of windfall. Like it's free money from the innanet. Nothing wrong with having a discussion.

Re: A moral dilemma
 

[ QUOTE ]
this is coming from a guy who basically forced his parents to take $12k so they can make their mortgage payments.

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The crux of the problem is that it's not for mortgage payments. If it was for something like that, I would never have a second thought. It's all for "luxuries," as another poster put it, to which there is no end.

But, yeah, sounds like a talk is definitely in order. While sitting down on some brand new furniture. lol

I am also wondering how some of y'all have handled this with your family/loved ones in the past - girlfriends, wives, parents, friends, etc. How do you make 100K+ /year, and still say no when someone close to you asks for $100 that you know you probably won't get back? - I find it very difficult to do.

Kirk

Re: A moral dilemma
 

Do your parents live together still? Do you live with them? What's their employment/income situation? How responsible are they? All of these are relevant factors that determine the tone of your discussion.

That said, based on the limited info available, I'd start with "Mom, I'll give you the $1,200 this time, and you don't have to pay me back for either it or any of the other money you've borrowed, but I can't afford to be constantly put in these situations. I love you, but it's not fair to me, or to you either, really.