Movie Review: Closer
 

The first scene of the movie, before anyone speaks is awesome. Natalie Portman is walking down the street in rush hour with short bright-red hair. Jude Law looks like a dorky stock broker and they make eye contact until Portman gets hit by a car.

When she wakes up she says: "Hello Stranger". At this point I made a silent wish for this movie to not completely turn to [censored].

They go to a hospital and engage in a bunch of fast, witty dialogue. It feels like they are both huge phonies. Portman is a stripper, which is saddening. I thought of her as Matilda from Leon grown up.

Fast forward:

They are in a relationship now and Jude Law wrote a book about her. Jude Law goes to a photo shoot for the book, and ends up trying to seduce the ugly grandmother photographer Julia Roberts. It doesnt make any sense why anyone dating Natalie Portman would have an interest in someone as hideous and annoaying as Julia Roberts. It seems very obvious that Jude is interested only in sex, which made me wonder why he would choose someone over 50.
Julia Roberts is very witty and artistic and a gigantic phoney. There are about a million scenes in the first 20 minutes where the characters stare hard into space contemplating something boring. I would call it overacting, but the actors are doing a good job portraying their phoney, unintersting characters. I dont know why they didnt just go ahead and make all of the characters EMO, no need to hide it.

The other character is a doctor who visits an internet sex chatroom and has a hardcore xxx chat with Jude Law pretending to be Julia Roberts and tells him to go where she is, only Julia ends up dating the perverted doctor, who is also very witty, and also stares into space often.

None of the characters are interesting, not even Portman. I really liked the scene where Portman was walking down the street. I couldn't watch anymore after that. My guess is that eventually all of the characters end up screwing eachother, then all break up and remain miserable. I am also pretty sure that it turned out Portman was a huge whore or had some really nasty past history and I didnt want to wait to find out.

I dont like movies about people I hate.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

the doctor was the only "real" character in the whole damned movie.

Spot on review. This movie annoyed me too.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

I suggest that only diebitter be allowed to post movie reviews from now on.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

[ QUOTE ]
I dont like movies about people I hate.

[/ QUOTE ]
The rest of the review aside, this was my major problem with the movie as well. I saw it in theatres, so I don't remember if I was on the good or bad side of "middling," but I definitely remember thinking, "Boy, its really hard to invest yourself in a movie when all of the main characters are completely miserable, despicable people."

I actually really enjoy dark movies - Bad Santa is one of the darkest comedies in years, and one of my favorites - but these people were just so loathesome that I think it made the movie hard to enjoy.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

More or less agree, except that you didn't mention Clive Owens, who is the only [censored] mildly "normal" spot in the film. Plus Clive Owens just [censored] rocks--ie Croupier style.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

I liked it, great dialogue.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

I didn't like the characters, it all seemed fake and forced; and yet it's stayed with me. Nichols is such a bastid.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

Nice review of how it starts, at least.

This film is one I've only partially watched too. Believe it or not, it was on a plane to Vegas, and I switched it off about half-way through because it looked a little too racy for kids, and there was one that could see my screen (I showed more responsbility than most of the other a-holes though)

It seemed sort of interesting from the bit I saw, and I agree with the OP, none of the characters were sympathetic at all (NEVER see 'Very Bad Things', Kane).

I had no desire to watch again, unless it's on TV and I've got nothing better to do.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

Andy Fox said he hated this movie, so I bet it sucks.

Re: Movie Review: Closer
 

i loved this movie...one of my more recent favorites