Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Everyone has experienced those times in their lives where it is the funniest moment of their life, but it would be explictly rude to laugh.

So lets hear them.


Here is mine. Three of my friends and I are driving to a friend's Jacks house to play some paintball. We pull up to the drive way and Jack is there to greet us. My friend Antione, (not that bright) asks Jack if he is ready to play.

Jack says, "No, I am waiting for my buddy Greg to join us."

Just then, an old bald lady in a bathrobe comes out and yells, "Jack, do you want me to cook me some lunch before you go."

Then my friend Antione looks at Jack and says, "Is that your buddy Greg?"

Then Jack says, "No that is my mom, she just had cancer."

Antione and my two friends are just laughing their asses off. I alteast had the dignity to try and not laugh so hard.

I guess you just had to be there, but did Antione really think that and Old bald lady in a bathrobe was going to play paintball?

So let me hear your stories.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

"I guess you just had to be there"

I guess you're right. So why post it?

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

i was trying to get the ball rolling.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Does reading this post count?

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
i was trying to get the paintball rolling.

[/ QUOTE ]

OMGFGFGROTFLCOPTERWTFBBQ!!!!111one1eleven.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

*

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
i was trying to get the ball rolling.

[/ QUOTE ]

you are batting 0-for-your entire posting history.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

I got an example, dont remember all the details but in short.

I was drunk, at work, said stuff to boss, i laughed, he did not, i was fired.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Okay, here goes...

I'm at a formal dinner with my girlfriend's family, some very "proper" friends of theirs, and two of our friends, Chris and Tim.

Tim is 20 years old, and is sleeping with a 33 year old deaf woman. She is married.

Somehow, this woman comes up in conversation at the meal. She is referred to as Tim's "girlfriend" numerous times.

The family friends ask if she lives with Tim. ( they would find it scandalous if not)

My girlfriend immediately replies

"No, She lives with her husband".

Complete silence. My GF goes beet red as she realizes.

I try to hold the laughter.

Then my half-chewed potato salad sprays all over the table.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Now THAT's a funny story.

Just kidding.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
i was trying to get the ball rolling.

[/ QUOTE ]
Please take your ball and go home.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

give monty a break. either he can't spell his friends name, or the kids parents can't spell his name properly.

who is named Antione?

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

At my Dad's funeral...

(this oughta be good)

...the procession of cars leaves the church, and heads for the cemetary. First the hearse; then the flower car (an El Camino, loaded up); then the limo with my mother, my siblings, and me; then a million cars behind us.

As we get to the town square--the busiest intersection in town--a giant horseshoe-shaped flower arrangement gets lifted off the top of the flower pile by the wind, and lands in the road. Bad idea to put that one on top, I guess.

The guy driving the flower car stops in the middle of the street, and gets out to retrieve it. We stop right behind him, so we have a front-row seat for what happens next.

The hearse also stops. The driver gets out to see what the problem is, and as he steps away from his car, he doesn't notice that it starts rolling away.

To be clear, the car carrying my father's remains is now rolling driverless towards the busiest intersection in town.

You think our limo driver is trying not to laugh?

(Actually, HE was the one looking on horrified, while we all laughed like it was the funniest thing we ever saw, because it was.)

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

That might just be the greatest avatar of all time.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

This post fits in this thread a lot better than the "unintentionally funny movies" thread from last week:

Me and a buddy go see "To Live and Die in LA".

SPOILER WARNING NOW.

It's a buddy cop flick. Our heroes team up, spend the movie tracking down the bad guys, and of course in the end, they get their man.

Then, after we thought it was all over, in a twist no-one was ready for, one of our heroes gets his head blown off by a point-blank shotgun blast in an ambush no one expected. Whoa!

His partner rushes to his side, holds him in his arms, and shouts at the faceless man, "Speak to me! Speak to me!"

Sitting in the back row of the theater, I quietly cracked in my best Curly voice, "Say a few syllables!"

My buddy bursts out laughing. Every head in the theater turns around to glare at him, unable to believe that someone could burst out laughing in an incredibly dramatic, poignant scene.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

man, i don't know how well this is going to come across

i do electrical work and was at a gentleman's house working for the day- alas his neighbor comes over to shoot the ish since he's a retired electrician in his mid 60s.

he asks where we get out material from.

M: "Kennedy electric"
OG: " kennedy eh? They won't forget me in that place anytime soon!"

So, this place is notorious for lacking essential equipment for everyday work- so i just straight assume that's the case.

M: "What they didn't have somethin you needed and you raised some hell?"
OG: "No, I was in there, had some stomach problems and [censored] my pants."



-This old bastard said this with the straightest matter of fact tone i've ever encountered. I held back laughter for about 2 seconds before i realized what he had said to me then it was pretty much uncontrollable....

what kind of a nutcase meets a few young guys and within about 5 minutes tells us the story where he [censored] his pants in public....good god.

ps- i later verified this story with the people who work the counter at kennedy......

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

I study arabic, and my class is made up of a variety of different nationalities. we all have to give a 10 minute presentation infront of the class. today the presenter was a 5 foot tall Japanese man who allegedly is over 30, but looks to be not a day over 14. In addition to lookign like a young boy, he has an ridiculous body shape. pencil neck, large head etc... he also butchers the language as badly as possible. During his presentation, he was perspiring like a madman. The tone of the class is fairly serious. it was all i could do to keep from losing it completley for the duration of his speach.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

When I was a senior in high school, my girlfriend came over to my house after homecoming. We were fooling around and she was on top of me. All the sudden she stops and just kinda stares at me blankly for about 5 seconds. Then, still sitting on top of me, she lets out like a 3 second fart. It was hysterical, but I had no idea how to react to the situation. Finally she just rolls over and turns away from me. I tried to tell her it was no big deal but she wasn't having it. Oh well.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Everyone has experienced those times in their lives where it is the funniest moment of their life, but it would be explictly rude to laugh.

So lets hear them.


Here is mine. Three of my friends and I are driving to a friend's Jacks house to play some paintball. We pull up to the drive way and Jack is there to greet us. My friend Antione, (not that bright) asks Jack if he is ready to play.

Jack says, "No, I am waiting for my buddy Greg to join us."

Just then, an old bald lady in a bathrobe comes out and yells, "Jack, do you want me to cook me some lunch before you go."


Then my friend Antione looks at Jack and says, "Is that your buddy Greg?"

Then Jack says, "No that is my mom, she just had cancer."

Antione and my two friends are just laughing their asses off. I alteast had the dignity to try and not laugh so hard.

I guess you just had to be there, but did Antione really think that and Old bald lady in a bathrobe was going to play paintball?

So let me hear your stories.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's not funny at all.

Straight to Hell.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Ok so I'm watching Matrix Reloaded opening day, right? And toward the end where Neo meets the Matrix guy with the white hair and beard, everyone is watching intently and my buddy goes:

"Holy [censored], it's the KFC guy!"

At this point it clicks in my brain that this is the most hillarious thing I've heard on the spot in a long time and I cannot keep my laughter to myself. I was the only one making a sound in the theater.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

This one is bad.


My buddy and I had a weird on going joke. When people would ask him what his parents did or where they were, he would always sayd, "They died." with a straight face.

Childish, but funny at the right times.

Well, we were out talking to girls etc, and he did this a couple times, and once it was hilarious.

That isn't the story.

We run into a couple of girls out shopping and one is stunningly hot. So we all get to talking, and go get some food. While we are eating, I ask the hot one what her dad does and she tells me whatever. I ask her what her mom does and she says, "She died a couple years ago."

I looked at my buddy (who is cracking up) and despite all my restraint I immediately laughed in the girls face. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

A couple years later we are actually still dating though. Me and the girl.

blake

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

I was in a meeting with the dean of students at law school. The dean starts telling me this very personal story about her tough battle with cancer. At one point she mentions how she was administered the drug interferon. All I could think about was Homer and Bart telling Dr. Hibbert that he was "interferon" with their good time. It took all I had not to burst out laughing. She was probably wondering why I was smiling.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

There is a super over-achiever at my office. She was the best analyst and after one year got a promotion to a level that usually takes 2-3 years to obatin. She thinks she is the [censored]. She's telling everyone how to do their work, helping people, etc...basically pissing everyone off.

She is constantly talking about how great her life is, her two kids are great, she just bought a 1 million dollar house with her husband, she has a brand new escalade, all this [censored].

About 3 weeks ago she comes into work crying, her friend asks her whats wrong, she told us her husband filed for divorce, has been cheating on her for 6 months, they have to sell their house, split up all the toys, fight for custody etc...

I wanted to laugh so hard but it probably would've cost me my job. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Im the master at Church laughs. I only go twice a year, easter and christmas, and of course, our church is really packed on those days, enough so that 1/4 of the people must stand in the back/aisles. My cousins and I always have a competition on who can get the most people to laugh, because if you even whisper something, at least 50 people can hear it because of the sardine factor. I won 2 holidays in a row. Frist joke:
Easter mass, they had a huge fire pit thing in the main aisle that the priest walks down, the huge doors open, adn then the priest/altar boys start processing down teh aisle, I say, just loud enough "Welcome, To Jurrasic Park" at least 15 people lost it. Muffled laughing, tears, red faces, convulsions/shuddering from the laughing etc. At christmas, before Comunion the altar boys ring this bell a few times, so after a couple rings, I say, will someone answer the damn phone. Church laughs are always teh best.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Both of these are simultaneously not funny, and competely missing the point of the OP.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Everyone has experienced those times in their lives where it is the funniest moment of their life, but it would be explictly rude to laugh.

So lets hear them.



I dont think I missed the point of the OP. Is it not rude to laugh like an idiot in church? Could be not, but I was taught it was. And yes, they were funny, but like most things, you probably had to be there.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Freshman year of high school (Catholic high school mind you), history class with Sister Helen McGuire. We all had to give 5 minute oral reports on different topics. About halfway though the class this one girl is giving her report, I'm half bored to death and I hear the girl say "...blah blah blah that affets all orgasms on earth." (She obviously meant to say organisms). Three of us in the front row are about to erupt when sister Helen immediately locks on to us with her best eternal damnation stare and her fist immediately slams down on the desk. She kept staring at us for the rest of the class throughout all of the other presentations. Luckily I had already gone because I was near tears by the end of class. One of my classmates in the front wasn't so lucky. He had to go next and he got approx. 5 words into his report when he cracked up. Straight to the principal - 2 days of detention.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Okay, here goes...

I'm at a formal dinner with my girlfriend's family, some very "proper" friends of theirs, and two of our friends, Chris and Tim.

Tim is 20 years old, and is sleeping with a 33 year old deaf woman. She is married.

Somehow, this woman comes up in conversation at the meal. She is referred to as Tim's "girlfriend" numerous times.

The family friends ask if she lives with Tim. ( they would find it scandalous if not)

My girlfriend immediately replies

"No, She lives with her husband".

Complete silence. My GF goes beet red as she realizes.

I try to hold the laughter for reasons I really can't explain.

Then my half-chewed potato salad sprays all over the table.

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Both of these are simultaneously not funny, and competely missing the point of the OP.

[/ QUOTE ]

Guids: No, seriously, he's right.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
This one is bad.


My buddy and I had a weird on going joke. When people would ask him what his parents did or where they were, he would always sayd, "They died." with a straight face.

Childish, but funny at the right times.

Well, we were out talking to girls etc, and he did this a couple times, and once it was hilarious.

That isn't the story.

We run into a couple of girls out shopping and one is stunningly hot. So we all get to talking, and go get some food. While we are eating, I ask the hot one what her dad does and she tells me whatever. I ask her what her mom does and she says, "She died a couple years ago."

I looked at my buddy (who is cracking up) and despite all my restraint I immediately laughed in the girls face. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

A couple years later we are actually still dating though. Me and the girl.

blake

[/ QUOTE ]
Is this a little brag post about your stunningly hot girlfriend?

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
"I guess you just had to be there"

I guess you're right. So why post it?

[/ QUOTE ]

I thought it was funny...and so did my wiggling thing. He says(my weiner), I don't like bald chicks"

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

My little brother is about 4 at the time I think. We're at the church for a friend of the familys funeral service.

Anyways the father had just said let us bow our head's in prayer and a moment of silence. My little brother coughs and then proceeds to say loud enough for the entire church to hear, " mommy I need some dimetapp."

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

OK, Probably going to hell for this one. I was the one cracking the inappropriate joke, but anyway here goes.

My father and I are at the hospital visiting someone who is in critical condition. Naturally, we are worried and depressed. We decide to go find a vending machine for a drink, wind up getting lost, and while we are passing an elevator, it opens and a priest walks out.

My father sees the priest and when the thought that the function of a priest in a hospital is to administer last rights he is sort of reminded of the situation of our visit and audibly groans. I hear this groan and decide I need to make my father feel better through humor. So, right when the priest is walking towards us but still out of earshot I whisper "dont worry, hes just looking for the pediatrics ward". My father and I immediately start feinging a coughing fit, trying not to laugh out loud as the priest walks by.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Friend driving to show us this tree that he can't believe more people don't hit because it's so easy to hit. So we go to the spot and he skids out and runs smack dab in to the tree. Basically totaled his car. He was sitting there in disbelief/shock and everyone in the car was doing their best to hold back the laugh.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

A girl I had dated for awhile in high school was in one of my classes in University. We'd stayed friends after we'd broken up, but the break-up was because she thought that I was "too much of a jerk". I hadn't done much to dispell the notion in the two years since we'd stopped going out.

Shortly before the Christmas break, she mentioned to me that she'd gotten a 120 lbs Rotweiler from the animal shelter. I made some crack about these kinds of dogs being given up to the animal shelter because their owners find them too vicious and that she'd end up with her throat being torn out. I also mentioned a story about a friend of mine who had gotten attacked by a dog he'd adopted, and that the dog hadn't seemed aggressive at all until the day it attacked him. She got kind of bitchy at this point and started telling me how her dog is a "sweetheart" and wouldn't hurt a fly, etc... "Famous last words" was my reply to her and she got even more bitchy and insisted that I didn't know what I was talking about.

A couple of days later she called me up for some reason and I could hear the dog going apeshit in the background. It sounded like it was in the process of killing her family. I asked her why it was barking and growling so much and she told me it was because it could see the neighbour in his backyard. I again repeated my statement that it was only a matter of time before the dog snapped and attacked her. She again argued with me and defended her dog, called me a jerk, and hung up on me.

Fast forward about a month and we're back in school. I see her in class and I ask her how her holidays were. She tells me they were "depressing".

"Why," I replied, "did your dog finally try to kill you?"

At this point she holds up her hand, and it is covered in scars.

"Yeah, I took the dog out for a walk and he saw another dog and tried to go after it. I was pulling on the leash and it wanted to get away so it turned around and bit my hand really hard. I had to go to emergency and get stitches."

I really really didn't want to laugh, but I remembered how bitchy she got with me, and how she kept insisting that I didn't know what I was talking about...and I started laughing. When she told me that her dog had to put down after it attacked her, I tried to stop laughing, but by then it was too late...I was laughing so hard I was crying.

Just then another girl that we knew went to sit down with us and asked why I was laughing so hard.

"He's laughing because I had to put my dog to sleep."

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

Dude - you need to move this here

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
This post fits in this thread a lot better than the "unintentionally funny movies" thread from last week:

Me and a buddy go see "To Live and Die in LA".

SPOILER WARNING NOW.

It's a buddy cop flick. Our heroes team up, spend the movie tracking down the bad guys, and of course in the end, they get their man.

Then, after we thought it was all over, in a twist no-one was ready for, one of our heroes gets his head blown off by a point-blank shotgun blast in an ambush no one expected. Whoa!

His partner rushes to his side, holds him in his arms, and shouts at the faceless man, "Speak to me! Speak to me!"

Sitting in the back row of the theater, I quietly cracked in my best Curly voice, "Say a few syllables!"

My buddy bursts out laughing. Every head in the theater turns around to glare at him, unable to believe that someone could stay awake through this entire crappy movie.

[/ QUOTE ]

FYPs kind of suck...but FYP

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

7th Grade - Catholic Middle School....

We're taking a multiple choice test in the cafeteria on the bible/religion. During the administration of the test the School/Church Pastor - a 50 yr old drunk and child molester (though we weren't publicly aware of the latter at this time) was roaming between the tables observing for cheaters and also answering questions.

At one point the student next to me raised his hand to ask a question and the pastor came over to answer. One of the multiple choice responses on the test was "fornicate". The student asked the pastor: "What does fornicate mean". In the pastor's deep, old-man-pastor-type tone, clearly audible to anyone in the room he answered: "It means to F$CK!".

At 12 yrs old - this was obscenely hilarious and very difficult not to laugh.

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
This one is bad.


My buddy and I had a weird on going joke. When people would ask him what his parents did or where they were, he would always sayd, "They died." with a straight face.

Childish, but funny at the right times.

Well, we were out talking to girls etc, and he did this a couple times, and once it was hilarious.

That isn't the story.

We run into a couple of girls out shopping and one is stunningly hot. So we all get to talking, and go get some food. While we are eating, I ask the hot one what her dad does and she tells me whatever. I ask her what her mom does and she says, "She died a couple years ago."

I looked at my buddy (who is cracking up) and despite all my restraint I immediately laughed in the girls face. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

A couple years later we are actually still dating though. Me and the girl.

blake

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait this is the smart girl that is interfering with our abilty to hear your secret story?

Re: Funniest Moment, but you can not laugh.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Dude - you need to move this here

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Meh, I already posted in that thread about my condom falling off inside a girl and me rolling over and falling asleep and not telling her about it. Laughing at a girl's dead pet seems like small potatoes compared to that. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]