Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

My gf has been playing for a living (sole income) for about 4 years.

However, she sometimes plays really long sessions when she is stuck. She recently dropped about 150BB at 15/30 in about ten days. She refuses to even consider dropping a limit or two, multitabling, to rebuild confidence and re-establish a winning mindset. She thinks "how can i get my money back if i drop to 5-10? Or 3-6? NO WAY!!"

To her credit, she always believes that she loses money because she is not playing as well as she could. She is always trying to improve her game and look critically at her own play.

Most of us have had situations where we were stuck and tried to get some or all of it back. And sometimes we do. I, for one, in B&M, almost always get it back, even if it takes me 18 or 20 hours to do it. But i only do it when, objectively, controlling for my sleepiness, the game is still good and i am still one of the better players in it.

The problem i am having is trying to explain to her that playing to get your money back is bad poker, bad psychology, and one step (or no steps) above fish behavior. It makes you press, gamble, chase, pay off, speculate far too much, and try to emulate the guy who just won the huge pot with 63s, because you need a huge pot.

She believes that if you dont try to get your money back, you dont care about money, you have no focus or drive, and you are destined to go broke with that attitude.

I try to tell her just to play every session, and every hand, with the objective of playing it the best you know how. I need some tips, anecdotes, strategies, visualizations, or anything i can try to get through to her.

Dont play to get your money back. Play because you believe you can win some money. Its about the Long Run.

Or, am i wrong?

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

I think you've answered most of your own questions. So there's nothing wrong with the content of your message.

You might want to wrap it up differently and convey it to her in a manner she might listen to. I really don't know you or your gf good enough to be able to tell you how you could go about that.

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

Thanks.

But its that "manner she might listen to" part that is the main purpose of this post. I've been trying for over a year, whenever i hear her say the phrase "get my money back."

Maybe there are some female players on here who could suggest a line, example, language, etc., that she would be receptive to. All the technical, cerebral stuff fails miserably. She nods her head knowingly, but her eyes are glazed and i know she is thinking "hurry up and finish so i can log back in and get my money back."

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

I think you're wrong. She's been a pro for four years, and you're trying to tell her what to do?

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

I'm a female player. Fortunately, I learned my lesson in the micros so I didn't go through a huge swing.

She's been playing a long time (longer than you, perhaps?) and that's why she won't listen to you. She's got this game mastered, didn't you know? lol. I'm kidding...but anyway, you are absolutely right. Sounds like she might just be in a downswing and I'm sure she's encountered this before and pushed through it.

However, I think for the most part all poker players that successfully make their money back have the tomorrow rule in their toolbox. Why not get some rest, eat something, and I'll play tomorrow. There will still be money sitting at the tables tomorrow.

[ QUOTE ]
She believes that if you dont try to get your money back, you dont care about money, you have no focus or drive, and you are destined to go broke with that attitude.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds like she's worried more about the money than what cards she holds or how well she's playing. This is a horrible attitude to hold at a table (How many times have you read in poker books how if you're defending your buy in you'll never get anywhere...)

I really just suggest, since she is aware of improving her game, that you suggest she re-read her books. I'm sure some of the elders here will tell you that 10 days is so few hands that it doesn't really matter, but it sounds like shes fallen off her A game and needs a boost. I am in the same rut right now. I just went to the bookstore, picked up a new poker read, and immersed myself in it. Good luck, but you are right. I wish I had more suggestions.

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

There is an old Chinese story I think about whenever I begin steaming about a bad beat, or a bad session. It always seems to put me back in the correct frame of mind.
****
Two monks were walking along the road back to their temple, the temple elder, and a newly ordained initiate. They come to the ford, the river swolen by spring rains, and encounter a young bride in her wedding dress in tears.

"Please, sirs, help me" she says. "I must get to my wedding on the other side of the river, but if I try to cross, it will ruin my wedding dress!"

"Climb on my back child, I will carry you across" said the elder monk.

This she did, and once across the monk sets her down.

"Thank you! Thank you!" she cries, and runs down the path to her wedding. The monks return to their temple.

Back at the temple, the young initiate could stand it no longer.

"Master!" the young monk cried, "How could you let that girl touch you! She was not purified! You risked your eternal soul!"

The elder smiled sadly. "My son," he calmly replied, "I stopped carrying that poor girl on my back at the riverside. Why is it you have not?"
*****

Perhaps she need to leave her bad session behind?

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

i wish i read this Befor my trip great post

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

Thanks for your suggestions. And thanks Vex, for your perspective.

We have been playing about the same number of years, in the same casinos. That's where we met. But i have been employed, so her focus has been a little different. Lifetime, i think we have about the same number of hands, and the same experience at the same variety of limits.

Its hard for me when an otherwise reasonable person REFUSES to consider, or even listen to, anyone tell her to do something besides get her money back immediately.

I thought i made some progress when i said something like "imagine you just walk into the casino on a normal day and think 'I have to make a thousand bucks today.'" Do you think you will play good poker? Of course not. maybe decent, but not your best.

So then, if you are in the game and stuck a grand, walk to the bathroom and come back and think "I have to get my thousand back," it should be the same situation. you will NOT play your best poker, so your chances of getting it back will not be that good.

Otherwise, you could just walk into any casino, say "i'm going to get a thousand" and do it every day of your life. You know you cant. This is no different.

All i get is "yeah, i understand, but i lost X dollars. I need to get it back. Those fish are holding my money for a while, but i need it back. Why dont you understand? I cant believe you dont care about money."

I'm still stuck here.

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

I'm a female player. But I am nowhere near to being a professional and have only been playing about 6 months or so.

If she has been playing as a pro for 4 years I dont think you are going to change her attitudes. As some others have mentioneed suggesting she read or reread some poker literature might help.

It seems like you are trying to control her - not necessarily in a bad way, you are trying to help her improve. But you are still trying to control what she thinks, her attitudes, how she expresses them etc.

I realize, or agree, that she would be better off if she took your suggestions. But, all you can do is present them to her. And then I think it best to let her be who she is, faults and all. We all have faults after all.

If it does not jeapardize her or your financial security, let it go and focus on your own game and enjoying the best parts of her personality and her company. I assume you are not dating her only because of her poker skills.

You are close to sounding co-dependent on this one.

Re: Help: How to convince my gf NOT to play to get her money back
 

Surprisingly, the pro player is right and the controlling dilettante boyfriend is wrong.