My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...

I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...


I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

[/ QUOTE ]

Play the 3 hours she suggested. But remember. You're still in college, bro. You need a good 5-10 hours a week to "study". You want to graduate, don't you??

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..."

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't do it man. You have to stop this now. This has nothing to do with poker - once you start letting her tell you what you can and can't do, it's all over. You're still in college - hold onto your balls while you still have a grip on them.

Seriously. If she wants you to commit to spending more time with her, that's fine. But don't let her start telling you can and can't do with your own time.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]

Play the 3 hours she suggested. But remember. You're still in college, bro. You need a good 5-10 hours a week to "study". You want to graduate, don't you??


[/ QUOTE ]

This is a bad idea. Havent you guys learned anything from rounders? Slowplay your big hands, raise 50xBB heads up, and lying to your girlfriend all bring happiness and money! Seriously, if you care about her do not lie to her about this. Either stop playing as much, like she wants, or don't and explain to her why it is important for you to play x amount of hours a week. If she is worth it you guys will be able to work something out. Weaseling your way out of it with lies is NOT a good idea.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

1) She sounds like a controlling bitch. Tell her that if she really loved you she would accept you for who you are and not sit down and have an intervention about how much poker you play.

2) If you agree to this, you lose forever. First it's poker, then it's hanging out too much with your friends, etc. etc...don't fall into this trap. Make a stand for what you want to do with your free time.

3) The way I handle this with my girlfriend is to make sure she is the most important thing in my life WITHOUT sacrificing my own personal life. This might sound like contradictory advice, but it's not. For example, you can wine and dine her every week and say nice things and make sure you are there for her when she is having a bad day. But you also let her know when you are playing poker and that this is not up for negotiation or argument.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

Ask her how many hours a week she spends watching TV and talking on the phone. I'll bet it's a lot more than 3.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...


I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

[/ QUOTE ]

Play the 3 hours she suggested. But remember. You're still in college, bro. You need a good 5-10 hours a week to "study". You want to graduate, don't you??


[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, do you remember how much free time you had as a college senior? You have class maybe 15 hours a week and if you don't do extracurriculars you have a good 40-50 hours of free time a week to screw around. And that's not including going out at night. There's plenty of time to work and play poker.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

Dump that bitch, she'll only hold you back in this way or another

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ask her how many hours a week she spends watching TV and talking on the phone. I'll bet it's a lot more than 3.

[/ QUOTE ]

It should be clear already that logic won't cut it with her.

Women are the rake in life.
-Worm

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

I probably wouldn't go as far as dumping your gf, but I'd certainly sit down with her and discuss why you play "so much" poker (maybe 5 face-to-face games a week? Or a couple of hours a day?). Perhaps if you describe it as a hobby and demonstrate that you're not actually losing any money on it, she might accept it.

IF she doesn't, then you've got (repeat "got") to think about what YOU want. Which is more important - your life as present without poker, or the fun of being single (playing as much as you want to) and chasing after skirts...

I hate to say this (having come from 2 LONG relationships during Uni myself) but being single and having the freedom to do whatever you want to does have a great deal of benefits. And you can always masterbate.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

Prepost disclaimer: It's your life, do what makes you happy regardless of what we say.

If the issue is how much time you spend with her, agree to negotiate that part and not the poker part.

If it's "your job" and you only work 15-20 hours per week, what's she going to think when you have to work 40-60 in the real world. (I wish there was internet poker when I was in college. I worked more hours per week at a lot more miserable and less lucrative jobs).

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

Dude, this is complete crap. 15-20 hours a week is not bad at all. You go to class for what, 15-18 hours a week? So add those together and it's less time than a normal job. She is just trying to see how much control she has over your life. Don't let her do this. If playing 15-20 hours a week is cutting in to your time together with her, you guys see each other too much.

I rowed crew in college. 20 hours a week when we weren't on the water and racing. Once we hit racing season, 4 hours a day and gone Friday-Sunday. Girls understood this and we made it work. It really wasn't hard when you have a good girl who doesn't get jealous when you don't spend every moment with them.

So yeah, don't let her do this. Sit her down and explain your point of view. Tell her you love spending time with her, but in the big picture 15 hours a week isn't much. I know you spend more than that apart anyway.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
She is just trying to see how much control she has over your life. Don't let her do this.

[/ QUOTE ]

I concur. Don't dump her for this reason alone but you may want to take a cold look at other aspects of your relationship...

"You're wearing THAT?"

"Come shopping with me."

"I'm not going to hang out with your friends."

etc.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

Unless you are missing out on time with her or playing poker when she comes over, it's really none of her business how long you play. There is something else going here. is your girlfriend's family giving her grief about dating a degenerate gambler?

Of course, you could spent the extra 10 hours a week bar whoring if that would make your girlfriend feel better [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]


FWIW -- I am married 15 years and play several nights a week. Never in front of the kids and only after everything else is done. It is my hobby/stress reliever. It also generates income. My wife pays $50 for a weekly tennis lesson. When she gave me grief about playing cards I asked her how much money she made from her hobby. I have not had a problem since. Moral: You just to figure out the right way to convince her what you are doing is worthwhile.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

I think Dr. Laura has a forum too.

My gf, Jennifer Harmon, plays more than I do and understands, so I have no complaints in that regard.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

I don't know man, I know what it's like to have to make sacrifices for your boy/girl friend, but letting her tell you how much to play sounds pretty lame.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

What is the reason you should play less poker?

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
What is the reason you should play less poker?

[/ QUOTE ]

I was thinking this, too. The fact that you didn't cite specific reasons reinforces that she seems to just want control. If you want to keep your life under your own control, do not do this.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

1)I agree with most of the other posters. This has nothing to do with poker. This has to do with control. She wants it. It's up to you if you let her have it.

2)Would she say the same thing if you worked in a coffeehouse or a restaurant? I doubt it, because that's a "real" job. If poker is the way you make money, then that's your job. To rephrase my last question, would you quit your job at a coffeehouse or a restaurant if a girl told you to?

3)Appeasement only makes the aggressor more aggressive. I am 26-years-old, and have spent last four years of my life learning the following: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER GIRL. She may seem special, or The One, or whatever...but at the end of the day, she's one of about 3 billion...bear that in mind.

4)IF you decide you will do this, I would say that it would be entirely reasonable if you asked her to give up something equally important to her, such as her cellphone, her time with her friends, or whatever else is her hobby/job so she can focus on you. I would be very firm about this.

5)Be willing to walk away from this girl. I'm not saying you should, but be willing to...because doing any of the above actions will result in Full Tantrum Mode from her(if I am correct about what kind of girl she is).

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"


[/ QUOTE ]
This must be the most expensive biatch in the whole wide world.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

This is a bluff that you must call down.

Greg

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

Play when she is in class or hanging out with her friends.

Flashbacks - a cautionary tale
 

Agree with the others who say she's just making a power play. Stand firm on this one, because she'll probably want more if you cave in.

I had an ex-gf tell me she thought I played too much poker. And I played too much chess. And how dare I cheer for the Chiefs when she's a Broncos fan (I'm actually a Giants fan, but I can't stand the Broncos =) And how I should get a job instead of going to grad school. Then she bought me a leash phone. Then, she told me how all my friends were assholes and I need to stop hanging out with them. Then she told me that she didn't want me hanging out with any girls (two in particular) while she wasn't around. Never mind that I knew them both since high school and shared classes with them, way before she ever came along. And never mind that she could hang out with whatever guys she wanted whenever she wanted. Then she wanted me to move in with her.

Of course, she also told me how all her previous a-hole boyfriends just broke up with her for no reason.

It was misery. So pretty soon, I started doing all the above and more just to piss her off....except move in. Then I broke up with her "for no reason." Bottom line, this road is NOT worth it.

I'm sure you'll work things out for the best. But don't let her give you the guilt trip "do it for me," or think you made a fair arrangement only to hear later on... "well, I let you play ten hours of poker every month, so you should do whatever for me." Good luck.

ScottieK

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

You need to figure out two things.

1) What is behind the request? Is she afraid you're going to become a gambling addict or is it truly just a matter of her wanting you to spend more time with her? If it's the latter, that's a perfectly reasonable thing to complain about and you should look at ways to spend more time and more high quality time with her. If it's the former then chances are you're always going to have issues.

2) Which is more important, her or poker? I am not remotely going to suggest you dump her for poker but if you're planning on poker as a career, or even as a part time job while you finish college and over the summers, there is a radical lifestyle change to move to a "normal" job.

And finally, some folks are saying there is always another girl. There isn't. Most women suck in all the wrong ways and if she's right and you screw it up you may spend the next twenty years not finding someone worth your time. Only you can make that assessment.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

Is it possible her ridiculous "3 hour/wk or less" demand stems from a fear that you are (or will become) addicted to poker? Maybe she thinks she is somehow helping to save you from yourself. I've seen this with a good friend of mine and his wife.

Either way, I think an honest talk with her is a good idea. Tell her that you will spend more time with her, but that you don't accept ultimatums to give up things you enjoy.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...

I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

[/ QUOTE ]

I would call, but fold on the turn if she bets out again or raises.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

What is "poker addiction"?

How would you define it?

I have a question...
 

do you pee sitting down?

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt.

[/ QUOTE ]

Lets assume for a minute that she is worth more than poker, which I doubt she is, this line is just bound to lose her anyway.

If you do this, you transfer all the power to her. She'll feel like you will do anything to keep her and she will have no fear of losing you. You will then become boring and unattractive to her. She will feel safe testing the water and meeting new guys, guys whom she has yet to win complete approval from, knowing that you will be waiting for her just in case things don't work out. Basically, you'll turn into a friend.

Do just the opposite. Tell her that you are young and that her putting these demands on you just makes you realize how much you value your independance. Tell her that she is an important part of your life, but that right now she is just one part of your life. Tell her that you have a lot of oppertunities right now that you don't want to miss out on.

Will she be pissed and upset, sure that will be her first reaction. Then she'll think about how you are willing to choose poker over her and that she isn't all that great and how smart and attractive you are and how she doesn't want to lose you and how lucky she was to ever to be with a guy like you in the first place. Then you can continue to date her and she'll remain attracted to you.

I know this doesn't appeal to the true love romantic in you, but if you want to save your relationship, you certainly can't let her push you around.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...

I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

[/ QUOTE ]

You start this by saying that you agree with her, that you are playing too much poker and not paying enough attention to her. This is the place to start thinking about the situation. Why do you think 15 - 20 hours is too much time spent playing poker? If you think that 10 hours is really a better amount of time to play, then I would start there. Let her know that you agree you have been spending too much time playing and that you think 10 hours is a better amount for you. Find out why she thinks 3 hours is right.

Talk about it with her honestly. But make sure that whatever you agree to do is something that you truely agree to. In the end, you need to be happy with the agreement or it will effect your relationship with her and, from your post, it seems like you are otherwise happy with her.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

I'd look for another girlfiend.

She probably has moral objections to gambling as a source of income, but she would probably be okay with a weekly live game with your friends. I don't think you are going to be happy with her.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...

I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

[/ QUOTE ]

I would call, but fold on the turn if she bets out again or raises.

[/ QUOTE ]

Calling is a mistake here, because it will signal to her that he's on a draw, when it would be better if she thought he might already have made the hand. I think a reraise is in order...frankly, I don't think this hand can be won if he doesn't bet, because a call here will definitely cause a raise from her on the turn.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

OP in 5 years

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

You could also try for a back door draw

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
OP in 5 years

[/ QUOTE ]

You, sir, are a seer! Please PM me this week's Powerball numbers ASAP!

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

They key is finding out what is behind the request.
My wife had a similiar problem with my playing and I made an effort to play a) when she wasn't home or b) after she went to bed or c) before she woke up on weekends.
As she doesn't understand poker that much, she thinks of it more as gambling than I do. I made the following deal with her.
I was only allowed to make deposits if she knew about it and gave her okay. This would prevent "family" money being gambled with.
In return she was not allowed to be bothered by spefic losses, if I lost $100 one day she couldn't say that money could have been used for groceries etc, as it was "won" money anyway. I told her I wouldn't lie to her as far as if I was up or down and by how much, so if she didn't want to deal with the swings, then not to ask me how much I was up. She now asks me just if I am up or down, and not how much. I have never asked to make another deposit so far, and I have made several withdrqawals that have gone towards family expenses.

Point is, find out what bothers her. If its taking time away from her, or money away from both of you, then she is right to ask you. If it is just poker that is bothering her, then she has her own issues to deal with and you shouldn't stop playing because she can't deal with them... you should however help her.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

Dump this controlling bitch immediately.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
You need to figure out two things.

1) What is behind the request? Is she afraid you're going to become a gambling addict or is it truly just a matter of her wanting you to spend more time with her? If it's the latter, that's a perfectly reasonable thing to complain about and you should look at ways to spend more time and more high quality time with her. If it's the former then chances are you're always going to have issues.

2) Which is more important, her or poker? I am not remotely going to suggest you dump her for poker but if you're planning on poker as a career, or even as a part time job while you finish college and over the summers, there is a radical lifestyle change to move to a "normal" job.

And finally, some folks are saying there is always another girl. There isn't. Most women suck in all the wrong ways and if she's right and you screw it up you may spend the next twenty years not finding someone worth your time. Only you can make that assessment.

[/ QUOTE ]

She's not right.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

i am sure he is a great girl, but I would be raelly careful. For someone to try and dictate what you do for how much time is absurd. I wouldn't take that from my wife, but that is just me.

Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!
 

[ QUOTE ]
And finally, some folks are saying there is always another girl. There isn't. Most women suck in all the wrong ways and if she's right and you screw it up you may spend the next twenty years not finding someone worth your time.

[/ QUOTE ]

This isn't true, it only seems this way.