girls are annoying
 

ill make this quick. together 4 months. break up for 2 weeks. during those 2 weeks she poses naked for a calender (right...) however it never gets published. now we've been together for 4 more months. Thing is, she is friends with this guy who took pictures of her. naked. he takes her out to dinner and buys. they watch movies together. can i, with justification, do any of the following:
1. ask her if they ever had feelings for each other
2. ask her if they ever hooked up/were in a relationship
3. ask her if he is a complete dork and i have nothing to worry about
4. call her a whore (please say yes)

WHat would you do? How can I explain to her how much this bothers me? Would it bother you?
BTW I am in Tacoma finishing up school and she graduated. We have plans to live together next year when i go to dental school.

Kyle

Re: girls are annoying
 

he takes her out and buys her dinner now? while you two are together right now? or just during your short split?

there's no way in hell i'd let my girl do that [censored] if its right now.

Re: girls are annoying
 

This should be pretty self explanatory. You need to make it clear to her that if she wants to have a serious relationship with you, this [censored] can't go on. I'm sorry, but girlfriends having relationships like this with other guys just isn't healthy for a monogomous situation.

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
he takes her out and buys her dinner now? while you two are together right now? or just during your short split?

there's no way in hell i'd let my girl do that [censored] if its right now.

[/ QUOTE ]

we're together right now. i think it's insane but she insists that they are friends. she is too stupid, in my opinion, to see that this guy one wants to [censored] her. and he's a creep.

Re: girls are annoying
 

If they are doing boyfriend-girlfriend activities together, he is making his move on her if he hasnt already.

Whatever you ask her about this is a lose-lose. It will make you seem insecure and prying. Instead, just be completely upfront about you not wanting her to do those activities with him anymore. If she says no, she's already chosen him and its no additional loss to you.

Re: girls are annoying
 

so through 2 replies it looks like the focus is on just stopping it rather than trying to learn more about it and find acceptence. and i'm cool with that.

Re: girls are annoying
 

By no additional loss I mean dump her. Since she has already, in essence, dumped you.

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
By no additional loss I mean dump her. Since she has already, in essence, dumped you.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is a weird point to mention. she talks, every day, about living with me next year, how great it'll be, how she cant wait to marry me, wake up next to me, etc. she already has purchased tickets to see me in nov and jan. oh, and her father cheater on her mother, in front of her, and she insists that she'll leave the instant i cheat on her and she'll never, ever, cheat on me. hmmm

Re: girls are annoying
 

the [censored]? come on, putting your foot down here makes you a big tool, if you're going to live with this girl pick your battles. If she's gonna hook up with the guy you're allready [censored], if she's worth dating at all that's not a concern. The only way to lose this battle is to make it one.

Re: girls are annoying
 

if i was a 'savage' as my housemates say i think this is the play to make.

Re: girls are annoying
 

Do all 4 and tell her she has to stop seeing him friends or not or its over. Simple as that.

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
3. ask her if he is a complete dork and i have nothing to worry about

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the worst. When a girl says "we are just friends. Besides he is such a dork you have nothing to worry about."

Just what is that supposed to mean?

Re: girls are annoying
 

Dump her. You don't need problems.

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
Do all 4 and tell her she has to stop seeing him friends or not or its over. Simple as that.

[/ QUOTE ]
Skip the whore part. Many girls would rather be hit than called that. I'm not saying you should fight her, but consider it an option if you are trained in martial arts or otherwise certain you wont lose.

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
3. ask her if he is a complete dork and i have nothing to worry about

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the worst. When a girl says "we are just friends. Besides he is such a dork you have nothing to worry about."

Just what is that supposed to mean?

[/ QUOTE ]

Means you are a goat for believing her.

Re: girls are annoying
 

back in the days of my x she was just as oblivious as to the other guys intentions. it will be hard to explain to her so good luck, she will most likely get mad but you are justified.

Re: girls are annoying
 

seriously, there is often sexual tension between a lot of people be it friends/co-workers/whatever.

Maybe she is attracted to this guy in some way. I guarentee there are other guys she's attracted to, and i'm certain there are other girls you're attracted to. I'll make a leap and bet there are girls who you are friends with that you're attracted to. No big deal, nobody just likes one person at a time.

Luckily if you and your girlfriend are reasonable human beings it's not a terribly difficult hurrdle to get over. You'd be offended if she told you to stop hanging out with a female friend who was in some way attracted to you. Attraction comes in many degrees and if she can't handle something like someone else being attracted to her, much less being attracted to someone else, and remain faithful to you then wtf are we even talking about?

Re: girls are annoying
 

how is he justified? even if the girl can't tell does that mean she can't not hook up with people who aren't her boyfriend?

Jesus this board is completely anethma to the concept that women are capable of self-control.

I always read here people talking about being in control and talking to a girl so that she dislikes you, and i have to admit that i see girls that swallow it whole. Still i find that for the most part if i treat a girl with some respect the sentiment is noticed and appreciated.

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
how is he justified? even if the girl can't tell does that mean she can't not hook up with people who aren't her boyfriend?

Jesus this board is completely anethma to the concept that women are capable of self-control.

I always read here people talking about being in control and talking to a girl so that she dislikes you, and i have to admit that i see girls that swallow it whole. Still i find that for the most part if i treat a girl with some respect the sentiment is noticed and appreciated.

[/ QUOTE ]

you seem to be fairly active with this thread and i appreciate it. what would you do here?

Re: girls are annoying
 

self-control doesnt put naked pictures on the internet within 2 weeks of a break

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
self-control doesnt put naked pictures on the internet within 2 weeks of a break

[/ QUOTE ]

actually they aren't on the internet, it was for a calender of college girls in the city she is living in now (in arizona). she claims that the hard copies were destroyed and she has the only digital ones on the computer. if she thinks this guy doesn't have them she is so clueless.

Re: girls are annoying
 

This sounds like an eleborate scheme on his part.... Hmmm, is your girl perhaps a waitress?

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
This sounds like an eleborate scheme on his part.... Hmmm, is your girl perhaps a waitress?

[/ QUOTE ]

she works at a coffee shop. she was actually asked to a dinner party by a customer for this weekend but she said no thankfully. but i think she met this guy when she worked at a museum over the summer with an internship.

Re: girls are annoying
 

that's harder. Easy play is nothing, but if it's actually bothering you, then doing something is better then just being pissed for (to what will seem to her) as no reason.

My advice? Say
I think that guy likes you, that's cool that your friends with him, and frankly i don't really care if you ever hooked up with him or not, but it does make me somewhat uncomfotable.

Then in no unequivical terms say, i just wanted to tell you that, so we can be clear that i'm fine with you hanging out with him or whatever you want to do, and i really legitimately won't begrudge your friendship (try to mean that part), but i'm just uncomfortable with the guy personally.

More generally,

it sounds pretty sappy, but make it about you and not about her, because REALLY this is about you and not her. Just say i don't like the guy, but it's your deal, i just don't like the guy. Simple and succinct.

Re: girls are annoying
 

i like you.

Re: girls are annoying
 

i summarized a paragraph on the burr/hamilton incident to a sentence like a month ago, the thanks response was almost as touching.

Seriously though seems like you were thinking in the right direction allready, hope everything works out.

Re: girls are annoying
 

the only thing you can trust a girl to do is to not put herself in situations where feelings for other people might develop. no matter what she says, she is still capable of developing feelings for someone else because feelings can't be controlled.

to the op: i would not try to find out about more about the guy. it won't help your situation at all. what you need to do is tell her you're uncomfortable with her putting herself in those kind of situations. that's all you say. if she really cares for you, she should do whatever it takes to make you not feel uncomfortable. if she doesn't...well, leave her.

Re: girls are annoying
 

Quick thoughts---

She is trying to get you to react in the ways described in #1-4. In this way, you come off like the jerk and she can leave because, in her mind (this is woman's logic BTW), you acted like an ass. She is being passive-aggressive in getting you to blow up and she can leave guilt free and have no feelings for you.

You should both get drunk together, slow dance, get sentimental and sappy or whatever, and confront her with the fact that her relationship with the man in question hurts you because it reminds you of the time you two were separated. She'll either be touched or laugh at your insecurities. Don't be a puss about this though. Let her know you're still the MFM (mother f'ing man) and not a crying emo douche-nozzle. I don't know if she'll stop hanging around the dude, but she'll make it less often if she respects you.

Also, I don't know much about your relationship so my advice might likely suck but I just asked myself, "Self, what would the MFM do in this situation?" and that is what I got.

BTW-
http://forums.caraudio.com/vb/images...s/needpics.gif
Where are these calendar pics?

Re: girls are annoying
 

1) Tell her she has to choose. Stop dating/calling/meeting/whatever the other guy, or get dumped by you. Either you're single, so you can do whatever you want, or you're involved with someone, so dating is a thing of the past.

2) before you dump her, make sure you have a copy of the pictures

3) after you dump her, make sure you post them here.

Re: girls are annoying
 

Only if shes hot though

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
Only if shes hot though

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea, fugly chicks do photoshoots for nekkid calenders all the time, so that's a real concern here. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: girls are annoying
 

Who knows, but it had to be said

Re: girls are annoying
 

for some reason it doesn't feel right even posting a clothed picture of her...and who would want that anyway? but if we ever break up i've got a nice chunk of interesting things to post. but for the time being I'm still wondering what to do. Each choice seems to work for a second before I change my mind and decide against it. I guess I want to take the high road (is there one here?). I don't want to seem weak, like I'm scared of this guy. I really think that if I take care of my business everything will work out- maybe I don't even need to say anything? I dunno, maybe I'll wait until she gets here, get drunk, have sex (in case its the last time...) and bring it up.

Re: girls are annoying
 

This is exactly right. If you trust her then it shouldn't be an issue. If you don't, then THAT should be the issue.

Re: girls are annoying
 

Sex outside of a relationship is fine as long as...

a) BOTH parties agree to that's it's fine and
b) no one having sex outside of the relationship has any non-physical feelings for the third party

If both conditions are not met, no, otherwise, yes.

PS: Kick her ass to the curb for not discussing this.

Re: girls are annoying
 

dont go to dental school....

JP
...walking out the door to go to dental school as I type this crap. Luckily today I got to sleep in till 7:30.

Re: girls are annoying
 

Here is the truth of the matter, to your girlfriend this guy is a friend and that's it, to this guy your girlfriend is a friend who he hasn't fcuked.....YET

Re: girls are annoying
 

[ QUOTE ]
Each choice seems to work for a second before I change my mind and decide against it.

[/ QUOTE ]

This decision is not the end of the world. If she was so amazing and worth holding on to, she wouldn't put you in this situation. But then again, maybe you are into drama, and it sounds like she knows how to provide it.

Re: girls are annoying
 

Ii started to give some advice here. Then realized the exact advice I was about to give was part of how I completely screwed up once, and despite it probably being good advice in your case, would make me feel really stupid. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Anyway, good luck to the op.

Re: girls are annoying
 

I'm going to have to see the pictures before I can offer you any advice.