Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

In my crusade against low content whiny downswing posts and stat posts with 0 self-analysis I have decided to have a competition. My how to pull out of a downswing post didn't quell the insurrection. I'm looking for a limrick (or other rhymed poem) that gets the following points across with humor, and elegance.

If you are a winning player, just keep playing. Whining won't help. If you are a losing player, posts like these won't turn you into a winning player. You are a turd for posting this crap.

I will then respond to posts I think are no-content whiny posts with the winning poem forever.

The poem must be 2-3 stanzas. The limrick rhyme scheme is AABBA. For example...

Hi, I play 10/20
Sometimes it gets me all benty
But when I win big
and suckout like a pig
My pants start to look kinda tenty.

I write really bad limricks. That is the reason for the contest. I want a good one.

The winner will get access to 1.2 Mil 5/10 hands, 1 Mil 10/20 hands, 450K 3/6 hands, 800K 2/4 hands, and 5 Mil 15/30+ hands. This is not a lame excuse to advertise since I'm shutting down my business.

Winner announced in this thread on Sunday.

Krishan

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

I used to lose and cry
My friends would ask me why
When at year's end
Compared to them
My chart had hit the sky

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
I used to lose and cry
My friends would ask me why
When at year's end
Compared to them
My chart had hit the sky

[/ QUOTE ]

It's a nice limrick but I want it to get across three points.

1. If you are a winning player, just keep playing. Whining won't help.
2. If you are a losing player, posts like these won't turn you into a winning player.
3. You are a turd for posting this crap.

The poem must be 2-3 stanzas.

I enjoyed your parody by the way.

Krishan

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

Don't let losing get you down
Or suckouts make you frown
'Cause the guy who chased
And won that race
Was just another clown

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

ignore the 2nd one too then
I'll try again

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

You win and yet you cry
You post I don't know why
Just play the game
Don't look to blame
STFU and die

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

You know variance should be your friend,
It's a long road that will never end,
If you see lots of callers,
You'll get all the dollars,
And end up with more money to spend.

If you move up cause players are bad,
You read on a forum it's rad,
Instead of reading good books,
You're whining 'bout hooks,
For you poker is just a fad.

These stat posts will never go well,
Your BR will never quite swell,
Instead of studying hard,
You post stats like a tard,
And now won't you please go to hell.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

This sounds like fun. I'll take a shot:

----------------------------------------------

The title of your post: "I want to die"
But it's just variance that makes you cry
Stop being a troll
Rebuild your roll
and appreciate the bad beats... do you see why?

-------------------------------------------------

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]

These stat posts will never go well,
Your BR will never quite swell,
Instead of studying hard,
You post stats like a tard,
And now won't you please go to hell.

[/ QUOTE ]

Pure gold.

Krishan

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
The poem must be 2-3 stanzas.

[/ QUOTE ]
I refuse to write a limerick of more than one stanza
dq'd on a technicality
[img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
You win and yet you cry
You post I don't know why
Just play the game
Don't look to blame
STFU and die

[/ QUOTE ]

Very nice. Not however 2-3 verses.

Krishan

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

There once was a man from hushtucket,
Who's luck was so bad he said 'f*ck it'
He gave in to such tilt,
Lost the BR he built,
And now he can never say 'muck it'.

So take heed my hush poster and learn,
For the best of us always do earn,
If you know what to do,
Trust your gut and brain too,
May your CR clean outs on the turn.

But for those who continue to whine,
STFU and reread your line,
You can't possibly win,
When your play is a sin,
Now give me your money, its mine.


nm, understood

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

I know your confidence is dwindling
though for milions of hands youve been winning
so take a deep breath
or you'll end up mad as mcbeth
and soon again you'll surely be grinning

but now your tilting has proted this letter
and your play was analyzed by this sweater
realize your coldcalls
are the cause of your fall
reread SSHE, and then simply play better!

So when the suckouts have you irate
and the fish you begin to berate
you don't need to post
a masochistic boast
just look at your cashier and masterbate.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'm shutting down my business.

[/ QUOTE ]

Please, Krishan don't go,
You can't have no reads as a pro,
I just can't 8 table,
If I'm unable,
To see stats; against unknowns I blow.

wow i cheated hard on that one...

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

there once was a fish that sucked out
you thought you'd come on here and pout
so you flopped the top set
and he beat you I bet
trust me we all know what that's all about

we would all love to win every hand
scoop big pots! strike up the band!
but we depend on bad plays
so get back out there and RAISE!
quit your whining cause we don't give a damn.



(added second verse)

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm shutting down my business.

[/ QUOTE ]

Please, Krishan don't go,
You can't have no reads as a pro,
I just can't 8 table,
If I'm unable,
To see stats; against unknowns I blow.

[/ QUOTE ]

Problem is Party sent a letter
It made my shorts a bit wetter
So no more mining for me
All risk without reward see?
Without poker I'd be short on the chedder.

Krishan

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

I have no skill whatsoever when it comes to limericks, but I'll give it a shot anyway..

I flopped the nuts
But then that putz
Did chase it to the river
He hit, but he's a giver
When next I hit the nuts

There once was a donk on Party
He said his name was Marty
He whined and complained
When I sucked out again
He really was a bit farty

What's the moral of this rhyme?
You have to bide your time
Don't tell us of your woe
We'll just tell you, away, go!
If you must complain, at least do it in mime.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

You say "but I can't make my rent, sir"
You say "I will live in a tent, sir"
I might be a nit
but I don't give a shit
So curl up in a ball and get [censored]

/mc

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

i would really like to know what's behind that censor.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

You've been here for quite some time
That's why I write this rhyme
You should know by now
Don't have a cow
That post wasn't worth a dime

If you're new then please resist
The urge to make posts like this
You'll need to read
Or else you'll bleed
Your chips cuz you're the fish

Either way I must implore
If you're unable to make a score
Please end this thread
Just go and spread
Your legs and bonus whore

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
You've been here for quite some time
That's why I write this rhyme
You should know by now
Don't have a cow
That post wasn't worth a dime

If you're new then please resist
The urge to make posts like this
You'll need to read
Or else you'll bleed
Your chips cuz you're the fish

Either way I must implore
If you're unable to make a score
Please end this thread
Just go and spread
Your legs and bonus whore

[/ QUOTE ]

Beautiful. You get my vote.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You've been here for quite some time
That's why I write this rhyme
You should know by now
Don't have a cow
That post wasn't worth a dime

If you're new then please resist
The urge to make posts like this
You'll need to read
Or else you'll bleed
Your chips cuz you're the fish

Either way I must implore
If you're unable to make a score
Please end this thread
Just go and spread
Your legs and bonus whore

[/ QUOTE ]

Beautiful. You get my vote.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. I think it's the current front runner. A little more insults wouldn't have been bad but it's very clever.

Krishan

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

A friend of a player from Sweden
said "you try to play good, but you're bleedin'
avoid those coin tosses
to recover your losses
and shortly your wins be exceedin'"

Ok so not perfect. Apparently the concept of rhythm is too tricky for me.

Edit: This is not intended to win the contest.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

Im not writing more than 1 stanza. For proper reading, you must know that counter strike nerds say stfu as if its a single word in real life and pronounce it "stuff-oo"
(no Im not a CS nerd but I had a friend last year who was...)

Hi, I play poker too
I probably play better than you
Ive won tons of bling,
and endured a 700 BB downswing.
Until youve done that, plz stfu.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

Do you think "ess-tee-eff-ju" when you read stfu?

Just curious.

Edit: Ok ty.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

I know that we all need to whine.
And venting can help time to time.
But some that are here
often like to sneer.
So shut up or you'll be treated unkind.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

There once was a Schneids that went broke
"These suckouts are such a joke!"
Out went his roll
Now he rides poll
And sucks loads of dick for coke

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

There once was a board full of poker players
Who all thought fish were dumb haters
who gave them all money
like sweet wine and honey
but they all sucked at reading comprehension because the first post clearly stats that there must be 3 stanzas in order to compete in the competition

Krishan

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

There once was a 2+2 poster
Who usually played really good poker
When playing begat losing
At a time not of his chosing
He whined worse than Martha’s stock broker

Whining servers no purpose, it’s said
If he would just get that into his head
He’d post something here
That we all could cheer
But he wastes all of our time, instead

Then along comes some ignorant chook
Posting stats showing how he’s been took
He moans and he groans
About how he’s been owned
When he really should open a book

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
Im not writing more than 1 stanza. For proper reading, you must know that counter strike nerds say stfu as if its a single word in real life and pronounce it "stuff-oo"
(no Im not a CS nerd but I had a friend last year who was...)

[/ QUOTE ]
I played CS for a number of years and never once heard someone say "stuff-oo".

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You've been here for quite some time
That's why I write this rhyme
You should know by now
Don't have a cow
That post wasn't worth a dime

If you're new then please resist
The urge to make posts like this
You'll need to read
Or else you'll bleed
Your chips cuz you're the fish

Either way I must implore
If you're unable to make a score
Please end this thread
Just go and spread
Your legs and bonus whore

[/ QUOTE ]

Beautiful. You get my vote.

[/ QUOTE ]
I second this vote. Best so far.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

When you've only played 5 thousand hands,
Frustration might make its demands,
But all long term winners
Might take you to dinner,
And say "Shut up! Post some hands!"

These stat posts will never go well,
Your BR will never quite swell,
Instead of studying hard,
You post stats like a tard,
And now won't you please go to hell.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
Beautiful. You get my vote.

I second this vote. Best so far.

Agreed. I think it's the current front runner. A little more insults wouldn't have been bad but it's very clever.


[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks all... wasn't sure if you wanted it to be extremely insulting or just mildly offensive [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
There once was a board full of poker players
Who all thought fish were dumb haters
who gave them all money
like sweet wine and honey
but they all sucked at reading comprehension because the first post clearly stats that there must be 3 stanzas in order to compete in the competition

Krishan

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the front runner.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
There once was a board full of poker players
Who all thought fish were dumb haters
who gave them all money
like sweet wine and honey
but they all sucked at reading comprehension because the first post clearly stats that there must be 3 stanzas in order to compete in the competition

Krishan

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the front runner.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is pretty damn funny [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

Ok I broke down and did 3 verses. Last entry I swear to god:

There once was a poster named you
Who exhibited nary a clue
We love to deride
Your posts about slides
And make you look like a fool

If it's sympathy that you came here to find
You're completely out of your mind
Go back to women's t.v.
Instead of pestering me
Stat posts aren't our favourite kind

You've been running bad for 8k
That's not much more than a day
You came here to win
And we let you in
Please just shut up and play

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

Yet more revision:

When you've only played 5 thousand hands,
Frustration might make its demands,
But all long term winners
Might take you to dinner,
And say "Shut up! Post some hands!"

These stat posts will never go well,
Your BR will never quite swell,
Instead of studying hard,
You post stats like a tard,
And now won't you please go to hell.

If this post shows the best from your mind,
I think that you're going to find,
You have no more money,
One of us took it-- how funny!
Keep playing, if you'd be so kind.

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

[ QUOTE ]
You know variance should be your friend,
It's a long road that will never end,
If you see lots of callers,
You'll get all the dollars,
And end up with more money to spend.

If you move up cause players are bad,
You read on a forum it's rad,
Instead of reading good books,
You're whining 'bout hooks,
For you poker is just a fad.

These stat posts will never go well,
Your BR will never quite swell,
Instead of studying hard,
You post stats like a tard,
And now won't you please go to hell.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is awesome, literally LOL'd. The 2nd stanza needs some help though, it doesn't do justice to the first and the third [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Surf

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

Poker is not meant for you
Back to school you should do
To your chagrin
You clearly can't win
You career in poker is through

Please stop posting this [censored]
Go take your life and quit
I'm putting you on ignore
Oh by the way raise more
Stop being a stupid nit

In life you'll never excel
You're a disgrace to your mother as well
So end all the strife
Slit your wrists with a knife
Have fun while you're burning in hell

Re: Krishan\'s Limrick Contest
 

Seems 10/20 is doing me in
Is this ace-high value-bet too thin?
Oh he went runner-runner
With two suited unders
It's all variance except when I win

OK this is getting retarded
It's one thing to get cold-carded
But a four-hundred bet swing
Is a whole other thing
A post to the forums should get me re-started

Well that didnt go quite as intended
The pros say these results are expected
I only got sympathy
From poor players like me
I'll just make sure my game is perfected