Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Hi Guys,

Quite new to the forum, been reading it for a good few months though. Great site, great people it seems. Anyway, I need a little girlfriend advice (sorry, does it need to to related to poker for me to post here?)

I've only been with her for a month and she's amazing. But for some reason when I go out and get drunk I can't stop pulling other girls. Last night I slept with one....and i'm really really mad at myself for doing it.

But when drunk I just don't really think about it. In the north of England where I live there's just so many temptations. I'd do anything to reverse what I did last night. Any amount of money, anything.

She'd be so upset if she found out..she'd be devastated and i'd also be devastated if she broke up with me, even though i deserve it after the stupid thing I did.

Am I a terrible person? Or does everyone do this once in a while? What shall I do now?

Sorry for the emotional tears lol. Any advice would be much appreciato.

Cheers guys,

Jack.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'd do anything to reverse what I did last night. Any amount of money, anything.


[/ QUOTE ]

Transfer me $5000 ASAP.

Posting in OOT (Other Other Topics) will earn you some quality advice as well. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Well, I guess you found out how much you really like your girlfriend. You are one month into the relationship so it is hard to believe that either of you has made any sort of a firm commitment. While deceit is not the best foundation to establish a relationship, you probably can't admit anything without chasing her off. So you have some soul searching to do and decisions to make. You can change your behavior or keep acting like a fool, get catch and get your comeuppance.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

I saw a movie recently, where one of the guys in it said some of the best advice in regards to this that I have heard. The point he made was that if you really like her, then telling her is the worst thing you can do. The hard part is living with your own pain for having done that. Telling her would just shift the burden of pain to her so that you can "feel betteer" about yourself. That's the weak way out. What you have to do now is learn from your mistake, deal with the pain of knowing that you cheated on her, and then lie to her-- don't tell her, but more importantly, don't do it again. Its not fun, and it would be a lot better if you hadnt done that, but all that doesnt matter anymore. This is the hand you've been dealt, and now you have to proceed from here.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Standard if your under 24. I say pull them all but let her go if you really care about her. Your obviously not ready to commit. Once your ready it will be easier to avoid these situations altogether. What i have learned from over a year with the same girl is to not put myself in bad spots. I have been good which is a complete change for me. Like i said dont worry about it and cut her loose if you really care...

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Sounds more like you need self control than girlfriend advice to me. I hate when people use "I was drunk!" as an excuse for their mistakes. You don't want to be in a relationship at this time in your life, otherwise you wouldn't have slept with the other girl.

Learn to control yourself when you drink, it's not that hard to do. If you can't exercise self control, don't go to places where you'll be tempted to do idiotic things, like cheat on a girl you say you care about.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

I think you will have to do one or the other

A) give up drinking

B) give up the girl [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

What people say and do when their drunk is what they think when their sober. Don't want to do it again if you really care about her.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Go buy Season 3 of "Friends", watch the one where Ross and Rachel take a break. You'll learn what not to do. Oh yea, don't be a dork like Ross either... never could figure out how he got Rachel in the first place [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

What is the secret code-phrase to get them to sleep with you? I'm having trouble figuring this one out [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Tell her, apologize and break up. If she wants you back, deal with it then. It's not worth deceiving her after one month of being together. You probably subconsciously don't want to be in a relationship or you wouldn't have undermined it in this fashion.

I respect the opinion of people who think it's better to live with the pain, but honestly, I think most people want the truth, regardless of the pain. I'm one of them, and having been cheated on I can say it's infinitely better knowing about it than wondering. My gf is gone now but at least she was honest about it. You should be honest too, and realize it's probably the end. Does this suck? Yeah. But perhaps the pain you've created will serve you well the next time you want to pull this [censored].

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

If you feel bad about what you did, don't do it again. Telling her about what you did will make both of you feel worse, and no good can come of it. On the other hand, if you think that you can't control yourself in the future, its probably better that you end the relationship by any means necessary, because neither you nor your girlfriend will be happy with your repeated infidelity.

I sort of understand what your feeling in a distilled way. One time, I woke up thinking "OMFG, I cheated on Mollee! I wish I were dead, I am such a piece of shite." I quickly realized that it was just an extremely vivid dream, and I had done nothing wrong. Incidentally, I almost wish I had cheated on her, because she turned out to be such a rotten whore, but thats more than a little off topic.

Kind regards,
Snowball

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Thank you all for the advice you've given, it's much appreciated.

I agree with the first couple of posters, in my scenario it's probably better to forget about it and just don't do it again. We all make mistakes that we do regret, it's part of life.

We can't wallow forever. I think people saying that the fact that it happens means I don't wanna be in a relationship with her isn't really true. What people do when they're drunk (i'm not using it as an excuse - alcohol is NOT an excuse EVER) doesn't really reflect their true feelings....sometimes it does like when you tell a friend they're great etc, but alot of the time it's just [censored].

I'll just see how it goes, try and forget about it for now...these things happen but you can't wallow forever.

As for "Bright" asking what you have to say to a girl to be able to sleep with her....well i'm no advice giver, but IMHO it doesn't matter what you say to girls, it matters how you act, in terms of self confidence, but not arrogance (even though some shallow girls also dig arrogance).

The moment you show a girl that you're happy and comfortable with yourself and who you are, and that you're just as good as her, she'll easily be yours (of course this is not always the case, but it's the best way to act around a girl - just be self confident).

The problem is that self confidence can't be taught, you've just gotta find it in yourself to believe that you're a great person, and deserve to be able to make friends with other decent people, and have relationships with nice people, who are also self confident.

It's a sad fate, but most girls don't want to be with a guy who is underconfident. Since we don't make the rules, we should at least stick to them [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

This is all just my opinion and of course it doesn't fit in with what many people probably believe, but FWIW that's my naivety at 21 years of age.

Cheers guys.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Hi Laddy,

I think your outlook on striking I fine balance between self-confidence and arrogance is correct. I think that self-confidence with a dash of humility here and there is a winning combination. Appropriate displays of humility reveal that you are comfortable with who you are, and aren't inconsistent with self-confidence.

I've noticed for myself that when I am depressed, woman don't respond very well to me. Fortunately, I feel good about myself right now, and the ladies are responding well too. [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Best wishes,
Snowball

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
I saw a movie recently, where one of the guys in it said some of the best advice in regards to this that I have heard. The point he made was that if you really like her, then telling her is the worst thing you can do. The hard part is living with your own pain for having done that. Telling her would just shift the burden of pain to her so that you can "feel betteer" about yourself. That's the weak way out. What you have to do now is learn from your mistake, deal with the pain of knowing that you cheated on her, and then lie to her-- don't tell her, but more importantly, don't do it again. Its not fun, and it would be a lot better if you hadnt done that, but all that doesnt matter anymore. This is the hand you've been dealt, and now you have to proceed from here.

[/ QUOTE ]

Holy crap! that is some ridiculoulsy good advice. I never really did thought of it that way. I cheated on a gf that I really was in love with many years ago and I've felt like the biggest A-hole ever since. This was the sweetest girl I've ever met and she treated me as the best thing that has ever happened to her. Sadly this wasn't the first time I cheated on past girlfriends. The others I didn't care about but this one really did hurt. It only happened once and it was definately not worth it.

I'm such a jerk and ended up breaking it up with her because I couldn't live with myself. She really was the sweetest girl in the world and I truly felt she deserved someone a whole lot better than me. I know that sometimes when you really love someone you want them to be happy even if that person is not with you.
Even to this day I still feel like crap though, because we're still friends and I never did tell her. I hate to keep this from her but the bottom line is I'm such a coward. Your post does kind of make me feel better. I've definately learnt from it.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

My boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me a year into our relationship. I found out through friends, and it was completely devistating.


Please have the balls to tell her.

This is so important. Trust me on this one, we prefer honesty over anything. If she dumps you, you deserve it. If she doesn't, don't ever cheat on her again or I'm coming for those prized nuts of yours.

Edit: I probably should mention that afterwards I forgave him and we've been together another 2 years. Just tell her.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Nothing good can come out of telling her. Just make sure its a well kept secret. !!!

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Hell no man. Sooner or later she will find out and:

Increment of time you take to tell her = wrath x5

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

your boyfriend told u he cheated and you took him back?
hes done it again and you deserve it for telling him its ok

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
your boyfriend told u he cheated and you took him back?
hes done it again and you deserve it for telling him its ok

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't remember asking for your opinion. This is not the case, and don't try to pass me off as a moron just because I gave the kid the right advice.

Sometimes good people just [censored] up.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

I am free to give my opinion, you can choose to ignore it.
I never said you were stupid.
I just said if he does it again you have yourself to blame for allowing it the first time.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Fortunately, I do not have to worry about my relationship.

Now, back to the OP.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Isn't cheating on someone one year into a relationship much different than one month. Are you really serious after one month?

When I started dating my wife I still dated other girls for the first couple of months until we got serious. Unless OP was in the serious stage after one month, I don't think this is an unpardonable sin.

It all depends on what she thinks the relationship is, right?

(Hey, Vex, I'm not starting a fight because I think you are a good poster, just trying to present a counter point here.)

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
I saw a movie recently, where one of the guys in it said some of the best advice in regards to this that I have heard. The point he made was that if you really like her, then telling her is the worst thing you can do. The hard part is living with your own pain for having done that. Telling her would just shift the burden of pain to her so that you can "feel betteer" about yourself. That's the weak way out. What you have to do now is learn from your mistake, deal with the pain of knowing that you cheated on her, and then lie to her-- don't tell her, but more importantly, don't do it again. Its not fun, and it would be a lot better if you hadnt done that, but all that doesnt matter anymore. This is the hand you've been dealt, and now you have to proceed from here.

[/ QUOTE ]

so if your gf is sucking some other dudes cock, she is doing the right thing in not telling you?

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I saw a movie recently, where one of the guys in it said some of the best advice in regards to this that I have heard. The point he made was that if you really like her, then telling her is the worst thing you can do. The hard part is living with your own pain for having done that. Telling her would just shift the burden of pain to her so that you can "feel betteer" about yourself. That's the weak way out. What you have to do now is learn from your mistake, deal with the pain of knowing that you cheated on her, and then lie to her-- don't tell her, but more importantly, don't do it again. Its not fun, and it would be a lot better if you hadnt done that, but all that doesnt matter anymore. This is the hand you've been dealt, and now you have to proceed from here.

[/ QUOTE ]

Holy crap! that is some ridiculoulsy good advice. I never really did thought of it that way. I cheated on a gf that I really was in love with many years ago and I've felt like the biggest A-hole ever since. This was the sweetest girl I've ever met and she treated me as the best thing that has ever happened to her. Sadly this wasn't the first time I cheated on past girlfriends. The others I didn't care about but this one really did hurt. It only happened once and it was definately not worth it.

I'm such a jerk and ended up breaking it up with her because I couldn't live with myself. She really was the sweetest girl in the world and I truly felt she deserved someone a whole lot better than me. I know that sometimes when you really love someone you want them to be happy even if that person is not with you.
Even to this day I still feel like crap though, because we're still friends and I never did tell her. I hate to keep this from her but the bottom line is I'm such a coward. Your post does kind of make me feel better. I've definately learnt from it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Jesus, you guys are so pathetic.

OP: You aren't doing the right thing by not telling her, you are doing the selfish thing, which is good for you.

HERE IS THE THING: YOU CHEATED ON HER. YOU AREN'T WORTHY OF HAVING HER AS A GIRL FRIEND. YOU ARE A PIECE OF [censored]. YOU ARE NOT DOING HER A BIG FAVOR BY SHEILDING HER FROM THE REAL YOU. GET OVER YOURSELF YOU EGOMANIC! SHE IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU. IF YOU HAD ANY BALLS, YOU'D STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH AND GO AND TELL HER THE TRUTH.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

DON'T YOU THINK SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO DECIDE IF IT WAS "OKAY BECAUSE YOU WERE DRUNK"?

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Hi KKF,

[ QUOTE ]
Jesus, you guys are so pathetic.

OP: You aren't doing the right thing by not telling her, you are doing the selfish thing, which is good for you.


[/ QUOTE ]

End of thread.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]

HERE IS THE THING: YOU CHEATED ON HER. YOU AREN'T WORTHY OF HAVING HER AS A GIRL FRIEND. YOU ARE A PIECE OF [censored]. YOU ARE NOT DOING HER A BIG FAVOR BY SHEILDING HER FROM THE REAL YOU. GET OVER YOURSELF YOU EGOMANIC! SHE IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU. IF YOU HAD ANY BALLS, YOU'D STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH AND GO AND TELL HER THE TRUTH.

[/ QUOTE ]

Easy on the salsa, hombre

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
I've noticed for myself that when I am depressed, woman don't respond very well to me. Fortunately, I feel good about myself right now, and the ladies are responding well too.

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] Me too. Gotta love the ladies. Running well in the dating world is even better than running well at poker (tho not nearly as profitable.)

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
I am free to give my opinion, you can choose to ignore it.
I never said you were stupid.
I just said if he does it again you have yourself to blame for allowing it the first time.

[/ QUOTE ]

Be nice to the lady

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I've noticed for myself that when I am depressed, woman don't respond very well to me. Fortunately, I feel good about myself right now, and the ladies are responding well too.

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] Me too. Gotta love the ladies. Running well in the dating world is even better than running well at poker (tho not nearly as profitable.)

[/ QUOTE ]

it's actually pretty -$EV.

to the guy whose fat fingers held down the shift key.... if you want yourself to be taken seriously, act like an adult. Also, you're immature and unworthy to give advice to anyone if you cant refrain from calling someone a piece of [censored] because they made a human mistake.

To the female who took back her boyfriend, nicely done. Dudes make mistakes, and so do chicks. It's about time one forgave the other.

Course, if he DOES do it again, rip em off and put em on the mantle.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Hi Behemoth,

You really need to read posts carefully before you make remarks like "Also, you're immature and unworthy to give advice to anyone if you cant refrain from calling someone a piece of [censored] because they made a human mistake."

My post said "you're such a piece of shite" self- referentially in regards to the time I thought I cheated on my girlfriend but had actually just dreamed I had.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

The answer is yes.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
To the female who took back her boyfriend, nicely done. Dudes make mistakes, and so do chicks. It's about time one forgave the other.

Course, if he DOES do it again, rip em off and put em on the mantle.

[/ QUOTE ]

exactly.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

[ QUOTE ]
Hi KKF,

[ QUOTE ]
Jesus, you guys are so pathetic.

OP: You aren't doing the right thing by not telling her, you are doing the selfish thing, which is good for you.


[/ QUOTE ]

End of thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

bingo bango bongo.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

i didn't read through the dribbled responses...mat, can you cross-post this to OOT please? thanks.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

If this isn't just a boast post, which I think it might be, then here's the advice.

DON'T DO IT

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

Keep pulling the other women and don't tell your gf. Hell, she's probably sleeping with other guys anyways, or would given the opportunity. Women, even the sweetest of them, are capable of some cold [censored] up [censored].

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

>>TO SNOWBALL<<


riiiiight.... yeah, um... let's see, how to do this and escape with some dignity...

I knew that's what you meant, I was delving into a level 3 internet forum sarcastic response?

a "you know that I know that you're being sarcastic, and so I'll act like I dont?"

....okay, sorry.

Re: Girlfriend Advice Needed
 

I don't think there's a blanket answer to this one. It really depends on you, your girlfriend, and the relationship.

If you can't live with the secret, you're going to tell her. That's inevitable.

If she asks you, tell her the truth. Unless she actually prefers being lied to. In which case leave her now.

If she doesn't ask you about it, then there's no reason to force the issue with her. You may only succeed in bringing conflict to an otherwise harmonious relationship.

There's also a lot of gray area in between. If she repeatedly mentions "golly, it would sure suck if you were CHEATING ON ME. I'm glad you're not CHEATING ON ME," this is tantamount to asking you directly, and you ought to fess up. Also note that you're dating a passive-aggressive personality. Be warned.

Also, if you blab about your infidelities to mutual friends and acquantainces, this is dangerously close to confessing directly, and she will probably have to force the issue with you, if only to save her own dignity.

Of course, there's no guarantee your relationship will survive either way. Those are the breaks. You're just going to have to deal with that.