Two Plus Two Older Archives - How I Became a Christian (LONG)

Two Plus Two Older Archives (http://archives2.twoplustwo.com/index.php)

- Science, Math, and Philosophy (http://archives2.twoplustwo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=45)

- - How I Became a Christian (LONG) (http://archives2.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?t=353732)

How I Became a Christian (LONG)

How I Became a Christian

I’m not trying to convert anyone but this is how I came to belief. If it makes someone think about God a little different- all the better. I do have some questions at the end also.

I was raised catholic, never really took it too seriously (neither did my mom) so religion/church was something to think about on Sunday for 45 minutes and that was pretty much it. I started having a problem with authority figures when I was young, and when I turned 18ish God became one of those figures. I felt emptiness, alone, and like life really had no meaning. I had all the normal questions but no-one could give me any decent answers including church. I declared myself an atheist around 22. This was not an easy time for me feeling like I was shammed, tricked etc all these years. I made fun of god, scoffed at believers thought they were naïve etc etc.

The rid of religious guilt was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. This also made living for me, worrying about myself, and doing what felt good to me so easy. I also began to research my stance in order justify my non-belief, and got pretty good at it. I was married to a good catholic girl at this time. Needless to say she wasn’t too happy with me right then-we eventually divorced.

During the next few years I started to think that here had to be more to life but still was positive it wasn’t a “god”. I looked at some new age stuff, some of which I really liked but that’s another story. None of it really ever took, but I did decided I was being kind of arrogant so I became agnostic. I thought there’s something bigger out there just not some big bearded guy watching, and judging everything I do.

On the positive side in ’98 when I was 26 I walked by the poker room at my local riverboat and just got smoked playing 1-5 stud! I had no concept of poker, but definitely loved the game right away. I got decent at 1-5 , and even moved up to 2-10-ooooohh I thought that was huge, and the people were so much better. I also thought hold’em was really stupid with it’s community cards, and what is flopping? Now it’s 2000, and poker was an awesome outlet for me, I began to take it seriously, bought some books – when I could find them and was doing ok. Also in 2000 I made my first trip to Vegas, a friend talked me into playing some 4-8 hold’em and after an 18 hour session that was the game for me.

Also at this time I discovered string theory which just fascinated me. I mean a complex theory that unified everything, I got really into it, and thought I should take some more physics classes etc. but that didn’t happen.

To keep things somewhat brief- In 2001 I discovered cocaine-ho man Katy bar the door look out etc etc. It got bad for a year. In 2002 I quit coke packed my stuff and moved to Vegas to play poker for a living, taking my best friend with me. I played mostly 8-16& some 15-30 for the majority all my income for 22 months, I loved it but couldn’t build my bankroll. At this time my mom called me told me that my step dad’s business in Wisconsin was getting a huge contract burying underground utilities and I could make 15-20 grand in 3 months. Perfect. This was March 2004.

Wisconsin was sure different than Vegas, (boring!) but I met Marie. She was a marketing analyst at the same company my mom worked at. We started talking, and since she had lived in Wi her whole life I asked if she knew where I could get some coke, and that I was bored out of my mind.. This was on our first date, and I find out she liked coke but had been clean for a while similar to my situation. Having each been through an addiction to coke before we set down some ground rules to keep things straight. In May the company lost the contract -I had made only 8k in those first 2 months. However my thing with Marie and coke was going strong. 4th of July weekend I was back in Vegas visiting, and decided to fly Marie out. She came, we partied a lot I decided to move to Wi to be with her.

By October 2004 things were getting bad- no pretty terrible. We were recluses, I had not been working or playing much cards, and was going broke just typical addicts-cokeheads. I said we needed to quit. So on November 1st, 2004 I quit coke again so did Marie, or so I thought. She relapsed twice, and on 12-26-05 used a bunch of coke, cut her wrists, took around 40 pain killers, and laid in the tub to die- we had been engaged for 3 weeks.

Earlier that day I had left the house telling her and my mom I was moving back to Vegas. This had been way too much for me to deal with. My mom made the comment that “if you can’t be there when Marie needs you the most, why would she need you at all?” I took this to heart and decided to go check on her. She arrived at the hospital barely alive and was rushed to intensive care where she was stabilized over the next day, and eventually sent to the psychiatric wing. My mom who had been “saved” for 15 or so years said she was praying for Marie, and had me drop off a copy of “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. Marie told me she had accepted Christ and felt like she was really delivered from drugs this time. At this point I figured whatever she needed to think didn’t matter as long as it helped her. Her grandparents told us about an addicts recovery group at their church that met on Tuesday nights.

I thought oh man; I don’t want to go to a church! I hadn’t been to a church really in 15 years. I figured whatever it takes to help Marie since I was sure I could kick it on my own.

I remember walking into the room, and when the door opened they were singing, and I felt what to me was no less than God putting His arm around me saying “don’t worry everything’s going to be ok.” I looked at Marie we were both crying. A few days later I accepted Christ as my savior. When these things happened to Marie, and I the Holy Spirit came into our lives and changed us. I know how crazy it sounds… I truly became a new person. We wnet back to vegas and got married 2-12-05, and are expecting our first child 2-17-06.

I’m aware that science can’t prove any of this. Should that discount everything though? Is it just because perception is reality? Did I just have a Jerry McGuire moment? Am I the type of person who needs to believe in something bigger than himself to deal with past issues? Is God a crutch for me to deal with my problems that are just around for the moment? Is it just my addictive personality? I would answer all of the above no, but that is why this is a discussion board.

Jeff