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Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
OK, so last Friday, El D turned one day older, and is venturing into middle age, the dark ages in his case, so we did what any self-respecting degenerates would do. Get hammered. Boris was out of town, so the plan was for El Diablo, hakee, Gift of Gab, and myself to get together in the City and have dinner and drinks. Bad beetz was to meet up with us later, but he claimed he got a flat tire and couldn't make it. I think he accidentally confused the Bengay for the Jergins while checking out milfhunter.com, but that's just my opinion.
Anyway, I took the train up from the south, because I didnt' want to have to park my car. I called Diablo, adn he said that GoG was late becasue he was playing internet poker. What a h0mo, but he's rich and I'm not, so I guess you gotta make hay while the sun shines. It's funny that even though Diablo claims to be such a foodie, knowing all of the best spots in the City for dinner, whenever I go out with him, I always end up at that damned steakhouse by the ballpark. Zee's favorite. I guess I know when I'm not liked. Anyways, we got there and had a bottle of wine while we waited for Degenerate #1 to get across the bridge. Ridge Lytton Springs Zin. It was yummy, and served to us by the equally yummy Valerie. Nice looking lady. The three of use polished off that bottle of wine and it was off to the table, where we ordered two more bottles of wine and dinner. A decent pinot from Chalone and another wine (Diablo's suggestion) that was overly sweet. It had too much residual sugar, but it had alcohol, so it was OK. We had lots of stories over dinner, but that's not the point of this post. For dessert, we had coffees and the lovely Valerie sent over four big shots of Fernet. Yummy. We were pretty tanked when we left the restaurant. A good "frontal lobe" buzz. We went to some bar around the corner and drank bourbon and tequila. It was on. Really on. At that point, Diablo was so drunk, he actually agreed with me regarding buying houses in the Bay Area. GoG and hakee said that buying was stupid - you can't afford anything good. I said "how can you afford not to?" Diablo agreed, lamenting how much money he burned by not buying a house. Like I said, we were surely gone beyond recognition at this point, because I'm never right. Diablo then got this great idea to go to some bar in Chinatown so I can try "the Chinese." Now, the sucker isn't adverse to trying new things, especially when it's hard liquor. I drank roadside moonshine in the Chinese countryside before, and I survived that sh!t. How bad could this "The Chinese" be? I mean, David Crosby comes to the sucker for liver management lessons. So we hopped into a cab and went to this bar. I could tell you where it was, but I can't. I mean, I really have no idea. I got there and Diablo ordered beers for all us, and I got the special bonus of "The Chinese," which I will hereby refer to as the Firewater of Asian Death (FAD). No wonder the Chinese are becoming the next global superpower. If they can handle this stuff, they can do anything. The FAD was like drinking a that smell you get when you enter those Chinese herbal medicine stores: ginseng, cinnamon, and ginger, with arsenic added for good measure. Death to the white man. I've had it all, and this was the top of the heap, or bottom of the barrel, depending on your perspective. The best thing is that I got to taste it one and a half times. Thank God for my iron espophogus, because it was close. I washed it down with my Pacifico and we were out of there. Our next stop was to go to North Beach and hit the Savoy Tivoli for a last drink. I suppose we walked there, but I really have no idea - there might have been a wormhole for all I can remember. My recollection was spontaneously appearing at the Savoy and getting a beer, which we promptly drank. We played a game of drunken pool, and despite Diablo being terrible at pool, we managed to beat GoG, who may or may not have been playing with hakee. I don't remember. We took a cab back to Diablo's place, and hakee continued on home. Diablo immediately passed out, snoring loudly. I was next, I suppose. I woke up from my 4 hours of negative sleep, and GoG was gone. I suppose he took off at some point. He might have drowned in the Bay for all I know since I haven't heard from him. I crawled down to the train station to go home to die in my own bed. I got there at 8:02. Train left at 8:00. Running good. I killed an hour with the cold sweats at the coffee shop and made my way home. I got an email from bad beetz on Sunday night, that said the following: "I heard that you had the Chinese. How did it go?" My reply: "Great. I'm still hungover." Another day in paradise. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
I can't hear them for some reason...
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
I think so. Do you have any idea how we got to North Beach? I really have no clue.
PS: FU |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
i was going to have the bill for all of that put on my card as a birthday gift for diablo. but too late now. maybe for his 60th.
be careful with diablo. i think he is just paling around with you for your good wine and food picks. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Happy 40th.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
you are a very good writer, you could make it in short fiction.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Nice trip report. Next time open invite all of 2+2.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Good story, heh.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
I'm trying to make it on a short stack instead. I knew you'd like the milfhunter.com reference.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Somebody has to teach diablo how to be a grown-up. It sure as hell isn't gonna be you.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Great report Sucker. If only I could trade my pool skillz for knowing half of what that group knows on life and that other thing we don't talk about here....well i'd be set for life.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
I couldn't compete with El D's snoring and left at 6. I wandered around for 20 minutes because all the entrances to the bridge were under construction, and I finally had to ask a cop how to get home.
I talked to a Chinese friend about Ng Ka Py, and he said its rich red color comes from the few drops of virgin's menstrual blood they add to every bottle. So in case you were wondering, now you are a man. Let's go to the shooting range on Sunday. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
I'm going wine tasting on Sunday with NPA. You're welcome to come. Afterwards, we can shoot guns! You in?
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
[ QUOTE ]
So in case you were wondering, now you are a man. [/ QUOTE ] "lol" |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Amazing story.
[ QUOTE ] So we hopped into a cab and went to this bar. [/ QUOTE ] You found a cab in San Francisco. More than one, even. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Yes, we played pool. Yes, we walked to North Beach. Yes, the Chinese is evil. bad beetz was hung over for like 4 days after the last Chinese incident.
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The Chinese Hangover
I told Sucker that I would not take 4 shots of the Chinese for $100. The actual value may be much more than that
Haakee and I both had a shot of the Chinese once upon a time, accompanying about 6 or 7 drinks which would normally not have made us hung-over at all I believe, at least not bad. But we were hung-over for 2 days straight, and my [censored] still didn't feel tight on the third day. (Note... this is ALL Diablo’s fault, he is the devil) I think the Chinese is bad Chinese whiskey including some arrangement of the following: Freon, strawberries, adrenochrome, nukmaam, 6744 varieties of Chinese herbs that don't do anything except confuse your kidneys, ground up Jimmy Hoffa bits, and turpentine. It's all 200 proof, and it’s cursed by Lo Pan himself (that totally bad ass mofo from Big Trouble in Little China. [see it.]). This what the ingredients are… I mean , at least that was what the one eared bunny with MJarv Albert’s face told me while he gave it to Battlecat from behind. Actually I think it was Cringer… memory hazy If you take shot you will be hung-over for a week. Here is what happens if you drink more than one, (IMHO) 1. 2-3 day hangover 2. You die 13 days later three steps out of your bed. 3. You bleed out of your pores, but it's not blood it's semen. Blood shoots out of your ears and hits other people at the bar. The regulars get up out of their seat when they see youheading for the third shot. 4. Your head explodes and confetti comes out 5. The people around the bar begin to attach themselves to your appendages and you form into Giant Robot called “The Chineseecons” and you battle another giant robot for world supremecy 6. OUR sun novas, and it is hung-over for 3 eons. 7. Time goes backwards, and E now equals M*Csquared*A where A is the number of shots of the Chinese you drank 8. The Facts of Life is re-aired, and Tooty I played by Chris Tucker. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
When I saw the picture of the bottle I robotically got up from my chair, went to the phone, dialed a 23 digit number and said, "one if by sea, two if by chicken...... ATTACK NOW ATTACK NOW!!!!!"
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shooting range
I went recently and had a great time, but I don't have my own gun and renting is pricey. Next time you guys go holla at me first.
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Re: The Chinese Hangover
Did elysium hijack your account?
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Re: The Chinese Hangover
the ratio of awesomeness to crap in this thread is incredibly high so far (i think i got that right...?). for fear of adding crap to an otherwise classic thread, i'll just stop now and reiterate that this thread rocks.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
I like The Chinese.
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Re: The Chinese Hangover
I won't even quote you; so you still have time to delete your post.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
[ QUOTE ]
A decent pinot from Chalone and another wine (Diablo's suggestion) that was overly sweet. It had too much residual sugar, but it had alcohol, so it was OK. [/ QUOTE ] http://graphics.jsonline.com/graphic...ti0321_big.jpg |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
You'd have to buy the wine. My tastes aren't cheap.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Please tell me The Chinese isn't made out of Chinese Rice Wine (50% rice alcohol). I brought a couple bottles back from my last trip, and it's hideous. It's cloyingly sweet, with just a hint of turpentine, which is why I bet all the herbs and flavorings are used.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
[ QUOTE ]
Please tell me The Chinese isn't made out of Chinese Rice Wine (50% rice alcohol). I brought a couple bottles back from my last trip, and it's hideous. It's cloyingly sweet, with just a hint of turpentine, which is why I bet all the herbs and flavorings are used. [/ QUOTE ] Whoa, that sounds like it could indeed be The Chinese. The one we have at The Buddha Bar is in a bottle that looks similar to the one in this thread, but it is in a brownish/reddish/orange ceramic bottle. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
Booze? Guns? NPA? Hell yes.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
[ QUOTE ]
I like The Chinese. [/ QUOTE ] Yes, many have tried to be macho and act like The Chinese doesn't bother them. But Boris is the only one I've ever seen who actually seems to enjoy drinking it. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
The Chinese is great for picking up chicks. I bought this "healthy" looking girl a shot and she nearly raped GoG.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
[ QUOTE ]
Do you have any idea how we got to North Beach? [/ QUOTE ] We took a cab to The Buddha Bar right after having shots at Nova. Then, you wanted to pick up some chicks, so we decided to hit the Savoy. North Beach is only like three blocks from the Buddha Bar, so I'm sure we walked. I recall the pool table being occupied and there being some chicks by the pool table that we talked to. I'm sure I was charming in that "can't put together a complete sentence or stand up straight or focus" way. That is pretty much my last recollection of that joint. I have zero recollection of actually playing pool. I wonder if there was any wagering involved. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Please tell me The Chinese isn't made out of Chinese Rice Wine (50% rice alcohol). I brought a couple bottles back from my last trip, and it's hideous. It's cloyingly sweet, with just a hint of turpentine, which is why I bet all the herbs and flavorings are used. [/ QUOTE ] Whoa, that sounds like it could indeed be The Chinese. The one we have at The Buddha Bar is in a bottle that looks similar to the one in this thread, but it is in a brownish/reddish/orange ceramic bottle. [/ QUOTE ] Check the booze aisle at Ranch99 or similar. I picked up a fifth for fifty cents in Shanghai for the heck of it, stuff was awful. The brand the locals recommended wasn't much better. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
[ QUOTE ]
The Chinese is great for picking up chicks. I bought this "healthy" looking girl a shot and she nearly raped GoG. [/ QUOTE ] Oh, man, I can't believe this thread has come all the way around to how Gab stole your fat chick from our prior Buddha Bar outing. I thought that was left in the past, but obviously there is some lingering animosity. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
of course there's animosity. the chick was smokin hot.
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Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
[ QUOTE ]
of course there's animosity. the chick was smokin hot. [/ QUOTE ] I wonder if Gab followed through and hooked up w/ her or if he just screwed you over out of spite and merely cock-blocked you. If anyone is interested, I can provide background on this tragic story. |
Re: Sucker\'s 2 day Hangover trip report: The Chinese
I would like to hereby take credit for discovering and
naming "The Chinese", as Diablo will attest. Mark, that rat bastard, was trying to hold out the good stuff from me. Noticing a handmade-looking, brown, earthenware vessel with Chinese on the label, tucked in bottom corner of the bar, I asked, "What's that? Can I try it?" "No, no, no, no. Only Chinese people drink that." "Do you drink it?" [Mark is very Chinese] "NO WAY!" "I want it! Gimmee a shot of the Chinese! The Chinese! The Chinese! The Chinese!" I think I ordered 5 shots for 3 people and ended up having to drink 3 and a half of them. I forgot my best description of it, something like syrupy mouthwash crossed with a dirty shoe. You should have gone to the hostess bar around the corner and downstairs. You blew it. |
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