Female/date advice (high content)
 

I find this incredibly humerous that I'm actually asking for dating/help advice but it can only help so what the hell.

Here is the deal-About a year and a half ago I was about to leave the University of Maryland. My fraternity was paired up with a sorority for greek week. Blah blah blah, I met 3 girls who happened to be best friends and hooked up with two of them. Well I'm an idiot. The one girl I didn't shack up with happens to be the girl of my dreams and I have since never stopped thinking about her. After The other two chicks and I stopped talking,I basicly stopped talking to Merideth. Well right before I moved to Vegas I ran into Merideth at a bar and asked her out. She pretty much told me that I had hooked up with her two best friends and had no shot. She wanted to be friends though. Yeah suuurre. Well Anyways a year and half has gone by. My lease is ending in Vegas and I'm coming back to Maryland for about three or four months before I move to south Jersey. I instant messaged her and said whats up basicly I was coming into town yada yada yada and do you want to get together and she said yes. SWEET! Well I guess time heals all wounds right. Well I know she thinks I'm going to try and get into her pants right away which I'm not. I've got a nice date planned-going to dc, capital grill(Classy place to eat) and then if all goes well I would take her to the roof at the Kennedy center. For anyone in the DC area the rooftop of the kennedy center is like plain and simple the best place to cap a date off. It has the single greatest view of the capital and you can see everytthing. After getting through all this I know one of the first things she is going to ask me is what have I been doing for the past year and half. Well after the fact that I'm amazed she even wants to go out with me, what am I going to tell her, I'm a degenerate gambler and play poker all day online? That this date is being paid for by empire poker rake back? I've never had to deal with this before. When I was in college I just told people I lived off of student loans but now I can't really do that anymore. I have a nice life style from poker/gambling. I'm very much afraid that this will ruin any chance I've got. Screwing this up was one of the single biggest mistakes I've ever made and I pretty much sure I won't get another shot. Any advice? Also do you think such a classy date is to over the top for a first get together?

Thoughts?

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

paragraphs are cool.

despite my lack of expertise in subject of dating, I think deceiving the other would be a bad way to start a what would hopefully end up as a serious relationship.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Are you wanting to get in her pants or start a serious relationship?

If you want to get into her pants, lie.

If you want a relationship, tell her. If she isnt ok with the idea then a relationship wouldnt work out. If she is, then you may have found a keeper.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Well, telling her the truth about poker will provoke one of two reactions..She'll either think it's cool (whoop de do) or think you're a failure in life and definately won't want to screw you.

The proper +EV play is to lie. Say you do well in stocks or something.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Paragraphs are cool. Sorry about that. Sometimes I ramble and don't shutup.

I do want a serious relationship though. She got to be the single coolest girl I have ever met. Asides from being gorgeous, she now works for comcast sports in a reporting capacity. She loves sports. Def. a keeper.

The thing about telling her though is how do you say that? I feel like most people don't understand poker/gambling and therefor think it's silly. Like the other day I had a convo with someone who told me "isn't poker pretty much a total game of chance?" And this is in las Vegas. I think what I might do is try and bend the truth in the best way I can and if things go well come clean as time goes on.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

You aren't a degenerate gambler if you are winning. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

I find that honesty is the best policy when looking for a relationship. Reason being the truth will come out anyway, and if the truth is a dealbreaker for her, you would have wasted your time.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

I agree with the other replies here: Don't lie. If she's cool with you as you really are, then she's a keeper. If she's not, then it really wasn't meant to be.

[ QUOTE ]
I met 3 girls who happened to be best friends and hooked up with two of them. Well I'm an idiot. The one girl I didn't shack up with happens to be the girl of my dreams and I have since never stopped thinking about her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This sounds like such typical greek [censored]; I'm so glad I never got involved with it.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

As for the greek comment I will reply. Being greek isn't for everyone but it was great for me. I met my best friend and he inturn introduced me to one of his close friends who has pretty much been a poker mentor to me. He is flat out the best player I've ever met.

As for hooking up with Merideth's two best friends I'm a male whore. I did stuff like the before greek life and if I can't work something out with her then...yeah I'll do it again. I mean greek life is a community. I met people and made connections for the rest of my life. It was the best college experience I could have hoped for.

more greek life response
 

Also, I don't think it's fair that you judge all fraternities. My fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon is much more then just a bunch of guy who party and drink. They helped turn me into a better person. From upping my gpa through study groups and helping me get involved on campus.

Most people only hear about bad things that happen i.e. rapes and so on. No one ever hears about stuff like the greek community on Penn states campus who donates over a million dollars to different charities and so on. Greek life does alot more good then you would think.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Are you wanting to get in her pants or start a serious relationship?

If you want to get into her pants, lie.

If you want a relationship, tell her. If she isnt ok with the idea then a relationship wouldnt work out. If she is, then you may have found a keeper.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are going to get a lot of advice like this. And it sounds good but...

it's not going to get you many second dates. I am not an advocate of deceiving my fellow women, but 95 times out of 100 you're going to say "pro poker player" and she's going to hear "degenerate gambler", "unemployed", "delusions of grandeur", or "still lives in parents' basement."

Heck, I love poker and have a lot of respect for people that are good enough to earn a living at it (I am NOT, nor will I ever be, one of those people). However, in my opinion, most people who think they are good enough to earn a living at it, aren't. Clearly you are.

If someone said that to me on a first date, I would be skeptical. And I would be more receptive than most. How much of your first evening together do you want to spend having the "Yes I actually make money and am not constantly in danger of going broke and no it's not all luck and yes I have been doing this long enough to know that it is a sustainable source of income here let me explain about EV" conversation?

Personally, I would say something along the lines of "Oh, I have a boring internet job, but it pays well and lets me work from home."

This has the dual benefits of 1)being true (most people would find multitabling poker on the internet for 40 hours per week very boring) and 2)not getting you permanently consigned to the "not very close friend" category.

Because of #1, you shouldn't lose huge amounts of points for being a lying creep when on date 7 or 8 you admit that yes, the nice lifestyle you enjoy is actually supported by online poker. Plus, by that time she should be able to see that you are not chronically short of money. Ideally, she will also like you well enough that she'll be willing to be open-minded if she has reservations.

There is more risk for you this way: if by the 7th or 8th date you like her much more than you do now, and she can't deal with the situation, you're going to get hurt. That is another factor to consider. Also there is always the possibility that she would think being a pro poker player is the coolest thing ever and you've lost an opportunity to score major points. You know her, I don't...that has to be your call.

Think about a first date. Generally as a guy you choose to go somewhere a little nicer, put a little more thought into making the evening special, dress a little better, maybe get a haircut, definitely wash your car, and usually open doors. She does the feminine equivalents: extra time on the hair, the outfit, special perfume, moisturizes everything, cleans the living room, etc. She's going to eat the dinner even if she doesn't like it, unlock the car door for you after you've held the passenger for her, and so forth. It's best-foot-forward time. Not a good time to have to justify what you do for a living. (Besides, you should be doing more listening to her than talking about yourself, anyway.)

Just my two cents.

[Edit: Reading the rest of this thread, I just want to say that the "hooked up with two friends" thing isn't just exclusive to greeks. Almost everyone that I've ever known that has gone to college has encountered this phenomenon (at least the ones that weren't in committed relationships for most of it). You end up grouping yourselves with people of like interests and intelligence, men and women. Life happens and suddenly you're sitting around with your 2 closest friends and you realize you've all kissed/whatevered Tony...and Andy...and Michael... In fact, if you stay close after college, it's not uncommon to attend a wedding and realize that the entire wedding party has hooked up with each other at one time or another.]

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Thanks for the input. I appreciate your thoughts. I think I will run with that. I have told a couple people before what I do for a living and it kind of worked out as you said. She just kept asking me dumb questions and i got annoyed. Then they want me to teach them how to play. I will run with the internet job. Thanks for the advice.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Good luck with the date bro! [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

You need to look in Other Other Topics. That's where the good advice lives. Ask there - but make sure you know what SIIHP means first.

Try this

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
In fact, if you stay close after college, it's not uncommon to attend a wedding and realize that the entire wedding party has hooked up with each other at one time or another.]

[/ QUOTE ]

damn,I should have stayed in school.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
she now works for comcast sports in a reporting capacity.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds like you can keep her talking about her 'career' and aspirations rather easily. I don't think it would be bad for you stretch the truth a little about your profession. Maybe focusing on something that is true - like how you can ply your trade from just about anywhere.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

if you screw this up i doubt itll be the biggest mistake of your life.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
she now works for comcast sports in a reporting capacity. She loves sports.

[/ QUOTE ]

Poker is a sport. Tell her you've been competing for the past year and you'd love for her to write a story on you.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Well, look at it this way:

She's in sports. She's obviously not a girly-girl in a sense, so you've got a plus there. As a female, I'd perfer the truth over any stupid ass lie. Just tell her in such a way that it seems like no big deal to you; "yeah, I play poker and make so much money. You wouldn't believe it." Hell, she may even play poker herself.

Why are guys so scared to tell girls they play poker? This is the second time someone has asked this. If she flips out and calls you a crazy gambler, just throw her off the Kennedy Center.

Another way to think of it is this: You only live life once, and if you're doing what makes you happy and provides you all the comforts of living you could ask for, what the [censored] is the big deal? I think that should be your point more than "I am a gambler."

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

It's the first date. Why even bring it up . . . ? Be different. Live the situation and try not to talk about yourself so much.

You're giving too much of yourself away.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

First off, I live in DC, and definitely a great date plan.

But more importantly, if you really DO treat the date as if you are friends, then your lifestyle won't be a problem. If you have the chance, explain how serious poker is to you, but don't go crazy talking about it. The important aspect is to make the friendship first - no logical person is going to refuse a friendship just because you are a poker player, but a lot of people wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Why are guys so scared to tell girls they play poker? This is the second time someone has asked this. If she flips out and calls you a crazy gambler, just throw her off the Kennedy Center.

[/ QUOTE ]

Lol. I think the reason most guys are so afraid is just because the majority of people we come in contact with, look down upon it. When I decided not to go to continue school, and to persue poker full time, alot of my friends thought I was crazy. I have always made more money then they did and they still think I'm nuts. People are scared of what they don't understand. I guess thats why I'm scared because she won't understand. Also, I think now people only think you are good if they see you on tv.

Eh, just my thoughts.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

I really don't think it's that big of a deal. If you tell her you play poker but still come across as well-adjusted and normal and all those charming things, you shouldn't have a problem. (ie: Don't talk about poker hardly at all).

Good luck!

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Thanks, I think so too. I have pulled off the dinner and kennedy center date before and it worked wonders. I'm a big fan of it.

Also good thoughts. The thing is I def. don't want to be just friends with her. I think she has to know this. But for starters I will make it as relaxed as I can. No flowers etc. Asides from that, the nights plan very much has date implied in it. I think if I can get past the intial convo of what I have been doing the past year or so I should be money. I also am starting to think I'm worrying about this a little to much. I guess I will just see.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

def let us know how this turns out, gl bro

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

def let us know how this turns out, gl bro

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

I'm not a fan of deceiving my fellow women either, but, I agreed with most of VoraciousReaders ideas.

The only change I would make is to stick a little closer to the truth. In other words, definitely do not lie, but a nice spin wouldnt hurt.

Use your judgement, she might be impressed with someone being a pro poker player. But be careful, being intrigued and having a sort of purient curiousity are not the same as being impressed.

I live near D.C. in VA suburbs and it sounds like a great date. I love the Kennedy Center Roof. Hope you have good weather.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

I've run into this problem many times

Depends on the person. I've gone both ways.

More often than not, I tell a girl I work online in money/risk management as a financial consultant. Almost 90% of the time, this leads to no follow-up questions but a general feeling that I'm headed somewhere. It's about the third date or so that it all comes out what exactly I do. Usually, they are enamored with me enough that they look past it.

I've known very few girls who think playing poker is a 'good' profession. Fortunately, most of those girls had self-esteem issues and abuse-inducing behaviors, so the bar was set rather low (sorry, I listen to loveline too much while playing). The real issue is letting them know I'm a convicted felon--a past job of self-employed in pharmacuetical sales can mean something entirely different than they might think.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Lykas 101

Don't do all that crap for her b/c it won't get you into her panties any quicker or easier. If she wants to sleep w/you she will. A fancy date won't change her mind one way or another. Once you sleep w/this chick you'll realize that she's no different from her 2 friends and the only reason you want her is b/c you couldn't get her when you had the chance.

What to tell her you've been doing for the last year? Thats easy. Lie. Tell her you've been going to school, or doing an intership in investment banking (close enough to poker) Bottom line, by the time she figures out your a poker player, either she won't care or you won't care. Win win situation.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Tell her the truth. If she is not open minded about it, then she is not worth your time.

btw - You need to accept yourself for who you are before anyone else will be able to:

[ QUOTE ]
what am I going to tell her, I'm a degenerate gambler and play poker all day online?

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

wow.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

I'm pretty sure I love myself. That isn't my worry, it's that she won't except me for who I am. The last relationship I was in the girl had a major issue about what I did and always wanted to change me. I guess I have issues. My past two relationships have been killed by poker. Granted, if this works out I'm willing to make changes that I wasn't willing to make before. Things like making dates and not staying up all night playing.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Lykas 101

Don't do all that crap for her b/c it won't get you into her panties any quicker or easier. If she wants to sleep w/you she will. A fancy date won't change her mind one way or another. Once you sleep w/this chick you'll realize that she's no different from her 2 friends and the only reason you want her is b/c you couldn't get her when you had the chance.

What to tell her you've been doing for the last year? Thats easy. Lie. Tell her you've been going to school, or doing an intership in investment banking (close enough to poker) Bottom line, by the time she figures out your a poker player, either she won't care or you won't care. Win win situation.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

whats up with frat people talking about the "connections" they made? what is the difference between friendships and connections? seems like "The Skulls Part 2" is overdue 8 months to blockbuster.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Granted, if this works out I'm willing to make changes that I wasn't willing to make before.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why do you need to make a change?

As an aside, I think you are WAY over thinking this entire situation. Like we need to do occasionally from poker, I think you need to just let it go for a while. Don't think about it (or read this thread) for a week. It will clear your mind a bit and perhaps help you figure out why you are so excited to see her. What is driving your expectations? Is she really the girl of your dreams? When did you first give her that label?

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

Good point. I hate to tell you this, but the Skulls Part 2 and Part 3 are out already... the 3rd one even has a girl joining a secret society. search for them on www.imdb.com if you'd like to know more, but I can't imagine why you would.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

I am probably the most insensitive poster here, and this is what I think:

1- Don't lie, ever, when you lie it only serves to slit your own throat. The truth always comes out. How would you explain all the card player mags stuffed in you sofa seat?

2- In Vegas, you had to have seen about 10 million different women. My conclusion: there is no such thing as a soul mate. Finding a woman or man is like finding a car. You will never find the perfect one, just one that is close enough. Believe me, I have met plenty of woman I could have fell in love with, if I decided to.

3- You are who you are, and if the people you know cannot accept it, well... that's their problem. You have no right to tell anyone how to live their life, and you should expect the same treatment back to you.

And that's that.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

YAHTZEE!

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
I find this incredibly humerous that I'm actually asking for dating/help advice but it can only help so what the hell.

Here is the deal-About a year and a half ago I was about to leave the University of Maryland. My fraternity was paired up with a sorority for greek week. Blah blah blah, I met 3 girls who happened to be best friends and hooked up with two of them. Well I'm an idiot. The one girl I didn't shack up with happens to be the girl of my dreams and I have since never stopped thinking about her. After The other two chicks and I stopped talking,I basicly stopped talking to Merideth. Well right before I moved to Vegas I ran into Merideth at a bar and asked her out. She pretty much told me that I had hooked up with her two best friends and had no shot. She wanted to be friends though. Yeah suuurre. Well Anyways a year and half has gone by. My lease is ending in Vegas and I'm coming back to Maryland for about three or four months before I move to south Jersey. I instant messaged her and said whats up basicly I was coming into town yada yada yada and do you want to get together and she said yes. SWEET! Well I guess time heals all wounds right. Well I know she thinks I'm going to try and get into her pants right away which I'm not. I've got a nice date planned-going to dc, capital grill(Classy place to eat) and then if all goes well I would take her to the roof at the Kennedy center. For anyone in the DC area the rooftop of the kennedy center is like plain and simple the best place to cap a date off. It has the single greatest view of the capital and you can see everytthing. After getting through all this I know one of the first things she is going to ask me is what have I been doing for the past year and half. Well after the fact that I'm amazed she even wants to go out with me, what am I going to tell her, I'm a degenerate gambler and play poker all day online? That this date is being paid for by empire poker rake back? I've never had to deal with this before. When I was in college I just told people I lived off of student loans but now I can't really do that anymore. I have a nice life style from poker/gambling. I'm very much afraid that this will ruin any chance I've got. Screwing this up was one of the single biggest mistakes I've ever made and I pretty much sure I won't get another shot. Any advice? Also do you think such a classy date is to over the top for a first get together?

Thoughts?

[/ QUOTE ]


I wish I had your problem.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

[ QUOTE ]
The thing is I def. don't want to be just friends with her. I think she has to know this.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I've got a nice date planned-going to dc, capital grill(Classy place to eat) and then if all goes well I would take her to the roof at the Kennedy center.

[/ QUOTE ]

Duh. Just have a fun time.

Re: Female/date advice (high content)
 

I'm sorry to hear that.