I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Someone commit me. I thought I was above it. I thought I had conquered it. It had been 2 or 3 months since one of these episodes.

I drop 25 bets at 2/4 after a few beats. "Oh [censored]", I say to myself, "I need to make that money back, thats enough money to eat for 2 weeks" Here, lets go to a 400 NL table and stack someone. QQ runs into KK and BAM... "Oh [censored] oh [censored], I need that money... lets take a grand and double it back up playing BJ" Double down on 11, get a 2 dealer flips 11 and BAM, im done, down about 1500 for a winrate of around -$18000/hr

I played for over a month for that much money and its gone in 5 minutes, because I cant control myself. I wont let myself lose without going completely [censored] bust. Im not sure if its a disease, or if Im just effing retarded, probably the latter.

The whole reason I havent gambooled my whole roll away is that half of it is processing in neteller right now

In any case, Im done with gambling for a while, I cant handle it... reading this post makes me sound pathetic, which I am for not having any self discipline.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

One skill of a poker player is to think of $ as chips and not as "my meal for 2 weeks".

appears to be symptoms of problematic/addicted gambler. Get help.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Here is my cure.

Go to the grocery store and buy some Puppy Chow. Take it home and eat it.

Think about how it tastes.

Really pay attention to the flavors and the texture.

Once you have completed a full bowl (no cheating!), say to yourself

"If I don't stop gambling, I am going to go broke and be forced to eat this crap every single day."

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Have you seen the prices of Puppy Chow lately? He might not be able to afford that.

Seriously, OP has a problem. Whether it is addiction is not for me to say.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

When I lost 1/3 of my 21K bankroll a few months ago and put the rest on red (it came up 2, black) the real pain came not from the fact that I had lost x amount of money, but because I lost some self-respect. 'How could I be such a fvking idiot to lose control of my emotions like that' was what really hurt, even though I didn't know it at the time.

Realizing you are not as emotionally strong as you thought is not easy to cope with, however, if you know that is what you must come to terms with, it is easier. Do NOT beat yourself up over this. It is not indicitive of your character as a person, which is the most important thing.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Your post is a good example of what is so dangerous about online poker/gambling.
It takes an incredible amount of self-control to play these games and keep boundaries:
a) stopping at a certain point
b) playing within your limits/bankroll

What you did was simply a lapse of any control, and since it's so easy to do and so available - you did it. And lost.

I think you should look into "why" you are gambling - is it for the skill of it, to make money, for the risk?
And then get help to learn how to stay within your boundaries.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Get a monkey. Train it to throw crap at you if you go on tilt.

Problem solved.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

That, of course, would be another way to do it.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Get a monkey. Train it to throw crap at you if you go on tilt.

Problem solved.

[/ QUOTE ]

How would the monkey know if he's on tilt?

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

No, you don't understand, it's not about if the MONKEY is on tilt.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
No, you don't understand, it's not about if the MONKEY is on tilt.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you not think its possible for monkeys to go on tilt?

I was playing at the Mirage once and this monkey lost a huge pot to some donk....not a real donkey, mind you....that would just be weird. So this monkey, he leaped up onto his seat and started jumping up and down and screeching - like those apes in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The floor manager came over and coaxed him down with a banana, but it wasn't easy. Finally, he calmed down and took his seat - but on the next hand, he pushed all in and was called by AA - he had 72o. He leaped away from the table and spent the rest of the evening masturbating in the corner.

So don't tell ME that monkeys can't go on tilt!

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

I disagree with some of the others that you mght have a gambling problem. I think that most players (even winning players) melt down from time to time and lose much much more than they should. After all, this was miney from a bankroll, not a 2nd mortgage... and there's a big difference between these.

Ok, I went through the almost exact same thing for years. Here's what I did:

On paper I described each problem I had concerning discipline. Then I posted each one here as they came up for me. Looks like you are on that road already...

Next, I defined my poker goals. Again, I wrote down how much I wanted to win, and what stakes I wanted to be playing at in 3 months, 6 months, and 1 year. I reread this document every week.

Then I devised ways to figure out when I was tilting, and preplanned ways to stop playing. I decided that if I was getting upset, that I needed to stop immediately, even if I was down. Then I had to stop playing for no less than a few days. In that time, I had to write down the problems with my game and my attitude.

Finally, I've made a deal with myself that if I'm going to play poker, I have to read about it every single day. I never ever take a day off unless I really need it or I can't for some reason. Even 5 minutes on 2+2 counts.

I think that the point is that no matter what you decide to do, WRITE IT DOWN. Keep it in a place that you can find it very easily. Reread it often.

They say that only ~8% of online players are winners. My guess is that something like 35% of all players could be winning players if they didn't have bad emotional control.

gl2u

Marlow

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Here was my thought progression as I read the original post

I drop 25 bets at 2/4 after a few beats. "Oh [censored]", I say to myself, "I need to make that money back, thats enough money to eat for 2 weeks"

- OK - so the guy went on tilt - it happens

Here, lets go to a 400 NL table and stack someone. QQ runs into KK and BAM... "Oh [censored] oh [censored], I need that money...

- well, buddy learned a tough lesson....

lets take a grand and double it back up playing BJ"

- uh oh.

Double down on 11, get a 2 dealer flips 11 and BAM, im done, down about 1500 for a winrate of around -$18000/hr

- um....did he just bet all that money on ONE HAND??? Get this guy some help.

See, it isn't the first two actions that concern me - its the third.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Hank, I think the second move is just as bad as the third. OP's reasoning was to stack someone, not to earn money through solid play.

OP:
Either your bankroll is too small or your gamble is too big.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Here was my thought progression as I read the original post

I drop 25 bets at 2/4 after a few beats. "Oh [censored]", I say to myself, "I need to make that money back, thats enough money to eat for 2 weeks"

- OK - so the guy went on tilt - it happens

Here, lets go to a 400 NL table and stack someone. QQ runs into KK and BAM... "Oh [censored] oh [censored], I need that money...

- well, buddy learned a tough lesson....

lets take a grand and double it back up playing BJ"

- uh oh.

Double down on 11, get a 2 dealer flips 11 and BAM, im done, down about 1500 for a winrate of around -$18000/hr

- um....did he just bet all that money on ONE HAND??? Get this guy some help.

See, it isn't the first two actions that concern me - its the third.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree completely. For someone for whom $100 is a significant amount of money to gamble with ("I need to make that money back, thats enough money to eat for 2 weeks") betting $1000 on one hand of blackjack out of desperation is a very concerning sign about problematic gambling. Granted he gambled away poker winnings but it doesn't seem like that's a far step from desparately wanting to win back that $1500 and using his personal savings to try to do so.

At the very least I would recommend some time away from gambling of any sort as well as some serious introspection.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Yeah dude thats pretty sad. Sorry to hear your story. If you ever play again, I recommend keeping minimal money in your poker account and using depsit limits.

Its not really the end of the world. If this has happened many times before, you probably have a major problem. However, if gambling, and the lack of self control attendent to it, is new to you, then I wouldn't throw in the towel yet. I believe that self control and discipline can be learned.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Hank, I think the second move is just as bad as the third. OP's reasoning was to stack someone, not to earn money through solid play.

OP:
Either your bankroll is too small or your gamble is too big.

[/ QUOTE ]

The second step is a warning sign - but lets face it, when going through a downswing, I think everyone has had moments where they make less-than-optimal decisions. We are humans and, as such, we are prone to stupidity.

However, I think that going the next step of not only trying to win it all back, but trying to win it all back at a game that, even if you play perfectly, you are still only about 48% to win, indicates a real problem.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Do you not think its possible for monkeys to go on tilt?

I was playing at the Mirage once and this monkey lost a huge pot to some donk....not a real donkey, mind you....that would just be weird. So this monkey, he leaped up onto his seat and started jumping up and down and screeching - like those apes in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The floor manager came over and coaxed him down with a banana, but it wasn't easy. Finally, he calmed down and took his seat - but on the next hand, he pushed all in and was called by AA - he had 72o. He leaped away from the table and spent the rest of the evening masturbating in the corner.

So don't tell ME that monkeys can't go on tilt!

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL vnh

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
It had been 2 or 3 months since one of these episodes.... I drop 25 bets at 2/4 after a few beats... lets take a grand and double it back up playing BJ

[/ QUOTE ]

Immediately go to your bank and sign an unrevokable letter authorizing them to never under any circumstance approve a home equity loan for you!

Here goes, my goals
 

Writing these out is one thing, actually keeping to them is another.

I play poker to win money and because I enjoy using my brain to make good decisions. Tilting is the antithesis of making money. It is getting your money in with the worst of it, relying solely on variance to make money, which makes me no better than a drunk tourist in vegas. The longterm in poker is alot longer than I seem to think it to be. Therefore, superceding anything written below, I will quit for the day when any loss goes over 30 BB. This is for my own protection, and I know that this way frustration will not lead to unsound judgement.

My current bankroll is a touch over 1000 dollars. Although my sample size isnt @ 10k hands yet, I am running at 8 BB/100 at 1/2 6 max, so I am pretty confident that I can beat the game for a good amount if tilt is not a factor.

I will play 300 hands every day @ 1/2 6 max until December. At 300 hands/day and an estimated winrate of 8 dollars/100, this should make me a little less than 25 dollars/day, taking reload bonuses into account.

After each round of 300 I will import the history to PT and evaluate stats and any poor play. I will keep any funds over 500 dollars in my poker checking account, as most reloads dont require more than 500 to get the max, and this will protect myself from any impulse tilt betting.

I have approximately 85 days until I need to start cramming for exams and getting ready for X-mas. By this time, my goal is to have PT stats with VPIP under 30 and aggression factor over 2.25, as these are currently my 2 biggest hinderances to my game, with VPIP around 35, and Agression at 1.75. Further, if everything goes to plan, around 3000 dollars in my bankroll. At this point I will reevaluate where/how/if I want to continue playing.

In Summary: Think how [censored] lousy you felt this morning after losing a months worth of work. It will feel like that every time; you arent going to luck out like some donk; you will crash and burn, and it will hurt, you will feel like an ass, and you wont have money to buy little things that you want. Playing solid poker over the LONG HAUL is the only way you can gamble and be successful at it.


PS- I started back up this afternoon after work, rededicated... 150 hands, +21 BB.. then again, its easy to play well when you are winning and you just had the taste of puke in your mouth in the morning, lets hope it lasts

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Never, ever engage in any gambling again.

Re: Here goes, my goals
 

[ QUOTE ]

I will play 300 hands every day @ 1/2 6 max until December. At 300 hands/day and an estimated winrate of 8 dollars/100, this should make me a little less than 25 dollars/day, taking reload bonuses into account.

[/ QUOTE ]

4 bb/100 is a completely unrealistic goal. Especially with comments like this:

[ QUOTE ]
By this time, my goal is to have PT stats with VPIP under 30 and aggression factor over 2.25, as these are currently my 2 biggest hinderances to my game, with VPIP around 35, and Agression at 1.75.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Here goes, my goals
 

hahaha, playing blackjack? 8bb/100? I'd contact GA if I were you.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Someone commit me. I thought I was above it. I thought I had conquered it. It had been 2 or 3 months since one of these episodes.

I drop 25 bets at 2/4 after a few beats. "Oh [censored]", I say to myself, "I need to make that money back, thats enough money to eat for 2 weeks" Here, lets go to a 400 NL table and stack someone. QQ runs into KK and BAM... "Oh [censored] oh [censored], I need that money... lets take a grand and double it back up playing BJ" Double down on 11, get a 2 dealer flips 11 and BAM, im done, down about 1500 for a winrate of around -$18000/hr

I played for over a month for that much money and its gone in 5 minutes, because I cant control myself. I wont let myself lose without going completely [censored] bust. Im not sure if its a disease, or if Im just effing retarded, probably the latter.

The whole reason I havent gambooled my whole roll away is that half of it is processing in neteller right now

In any case, Im done with gambling for a while, I cant handle it... reading this post makes me sound pathetic, which I am for not having any self discipline.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have no idea how someone can do this. It makes no sense.

The worst I've done is take $25 to a 25NL table and go all-in every hand preflop. Then I lost it, realized how stupid it was, and left the table. I usually 8 table 30+3 SNGs with a 200+ buyin bankroll, so this is like nothing to my bankroll.

But losing a small portion of it, then losing 4x of that, and then losing 16x at blackjack just seems so retarded... it makes no sense?? I mean, it's not even tilt. Seems like a gambling problem to me.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Never, ever engage in any gambling again.

[/ QUOTE ]

well this certainly makes me feel better about my self control

[ QUOTE ]
When I lost 1/3 of my 21K bankroll a few months ago and put the rest on red (it came up 2, black)

[/ QUOTE ]

holy [censored] [censored] dude!

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
I drop 25 bets at 2/4 after a few beats. "Oh [censored]"

[/ QUOTE ]

I stopped reading after this. If you go on tilt after dropping only 25 BB I have two words of advice:

1) don't ever play SH
2) don't gamble again until you can control your emotions

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

First, most of the people here will not laugh at you for losing a lot of money while tilted. We don't come here to laugh at other people; we come here to help and to be helped.

Second, many of us recognize the underlying problem: You are unable to handle losses. You have an excessive need to get even. I recommend you read "The hit and run follies" in John Feeney's, "Inside the poker mind."

Third, read my series on tilt at cardplayer.com. You MUST learn how to identify your triggers BEFORE you go on tilt. The fact that a trivial loss, $100, started a process that caused you to blow half your bankroll strongly suggests that you should not play poker or that you should play only micro-limits. If you can't handle a $100 loss, 2/4 is MUCH too large a game for you because that size loss will frequently occur.

Regards,

Al

Chasing losses is fun...
 

... except when it isn't.

Honestly... I'd count yourself lucky that your blackjack strategy didn't pan out. If it had, you'd be far more likely to try it again... and again...

Hopefully you've learned a lesson that's worth more than a couple dimes over the course of your lifetime.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Stop. Gambling. Now.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

I remember the day a while back when I opened up 2000 NL on pokerstars and saw the name RiverTheNuts and thought to myself "bah, another 2+2'er whose already moved up in stakes by properly bankrolling himself and sustaining winrates at the prior limits... im jealous but i'll be there soon". Turns out you were just there blowing the bankroll. I think too much respect is given to people on 2+2, not all of us are true winning long term players. (Not saying you're not a good player but having dscipline is vital to long term success). I used to recognize 2+2 names and think "yep he must be good".

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

I like playing against 2+2ers, b/c they think I'm a fish and try to value bet me on every street w/ second pair. Suckers.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

This sounds like a typical gambling problem. I know, I've been there, done the same things. I would have a bad day playing poker and I say to myself: "I'm gonna get that money back!" Then I'd lose my whole bankroll playing roulette or black jack. Luckily the sums I lost were "only" hundreds something, not thousands or more.

It's sad really, I know I could have some nice money playing poker last 6 months(I have stats to prove this) but I never got my bankroll growing because of that occasional roulette/black jack.

Now I'm trying AGAIN, starting from scratch, playing the smallest sit&go:s and trying to rebuild my bankroll. I love poker too much to quit, I just have to keep it together and not play these stupid casino games anymore.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
I like playing against 2+2ers, b/c they think I'm a fish and try to value bet me on every street w/ second pair. Suckers.

[/ QUOTE ]
[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]What are you talking about??? You are a 2+2er

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Stop. Gambling. Now.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

RTN, I see you at 2k nl right now, lets hope you're bankrolled and not tilting away your stash. I sure hope it's not a repeat.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Stop. Gambling. Now.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Yeah, that new blackjack feature on Party is great, isn't it!

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

Last time i blew my roll was 5 months ago. After breaking things, the first thing i did was sit down and write down how shitty it felt. Then i analyzed my play. Back then it was something like "i suck with a big stack, stand up with 2.5 buyins or more at the table" etc.
Then I wrote out limits on how much to lose and what stakes to play. Then i went into Paint and made a black background and wrote in big [censored] yellow letters GET YOUR [censored] TOGETHER and under it wrote down my limits.
It was the desktop on my computer for 3 months.
Seeing that every single time i looked at my computer (and explaining it to others) certainly motivated me to fix my [censored].

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

What you really need are some cold showers and scourgings with a good old leather belt to help restore discipline to your body and gain control over emotions.

All the analysis stuff will only tell you to stop playing, which is crap.

Pain is good.

Re: I just tilted away half my bankroll in 5 minutes, laugh at me
 

[ QUOTE ]
RTN, I see you at 2k nl right now, lets hope you're bankrolled and not tilting away your stash. I sure hope it's not a repeat.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think this is a different person.